Fucking "a" dude...i fucked up with dj and now i've gone and fucked up with timmy...today i ran into dj at the football game, omg it was amazing...i was looking for heather and all of a sudden i saw him, and everything else went blurry, i started running and i didnt care who i ran into even though it seemed like there wasnt anybody inbetween us...i think jon paul was talking to me and i left him talking. i didnt even think twice, i immediately ran to him! when i saw him my heart started racing. i love him so much! any ways we talked and as always we didnt really get much said. but i love him, and he knows it...and he loves me and i know it...so yea'...life still sucks. but when i was talking to him i realized that i wasnt really sure why i even gave up on my life with dj. i have a choice between them and i dont know why but i just can not make it! i know one thing though...i'm staying with timmy for now, becasue so far we are doing good...but i fucked up, see a while ago i cheated on timmy with my friend justin...and well...after talking to dj i realized i didnt have an honest relationship with timmy, so i went home crying, and i called timmy and i told him the truth...so now, i'm writing this, with all my bags packed and tomorrow when timmy calls to tell me if he still wants to be with me or not...i...i'm going home...to my parents who hate me...and a dog i want to kill...but at least i'll know that i've been honest...i'm done lying...it only brings me pain...and it brings pain to those i love...i fucked up big...i'm better off alone! i give up...i'm done hurting people, men...just stay away, i'm not worth it!


oh by-the-way i just overdosed on vikodin, so i'm soo totally high!!!!!