So... I have a poem today...
WONDERFUL FEELINGS
Your beautiful eyes open across this pillow top,
It seems only right that for this moment time shall stop.
As the earth slows and sounds wane,
We stay frozen in a moment without stain.
As your body moves with mine,
Our hearts are as one, beating in time.
With your smile of simple pleasure,
I'm hoping this moment will last forever.
People tell me that perfection is unattainable,
And for most things I find that's explainable.
But when I lay in your arms and have your hearts affection,
I feel my heart's completion and find my moment of perfection.
This poem is the only way I can describe how I feel. It can be taken to mean many different things such as sex, morning sex, cuddling, when we first wake up in the morning, etc. The way I mean it is... ALL OF THE ABOVE. It doesn't matter what we are doing, or where we are, or what time of day it is, as long as I am around Nick, this is how I feel.
Ok, I have to go back to my last entry. I don't think that ALL guys need to die, only some. The ones that treat their girls like shit and beat them deserve death.... I am with my soldier and he would never hurt me... I think.... I dunno who to trust anymore... I trusted my last boyfriend and that turned ugly and fast... We had been dating for a month before the beatings began... Then a month later I found out that I was pregnant and all hell broke loose. He flipped out about it and I decided that it would be a good thing if I went to see my sister while he was out of town... Well i did and he left a voice message on my phone that basically told me that if I didn't get rid of it somehow, he was going to get rid of it for me. I did the only thing I knew of to do, I got in a car accident killing the baby in the process... Well I called him and left a message on his phone letting him know that he had won yet again and that I was no longer pregnant... Well he called me later, drunk off his ass and was crying and telling me that I was a whore because I killed his kid... To that I answered "I know, I just keep fucking your life up, don't I? I just can't do the right thing... I don't think that it is possible for me to do something right.." he agreed whole heartedly and I was pissed.. But when i got back from my sister's house, he was back too... The beatings increased both in number and in brutality. I put up with it for one full month longer before I got up the courage to leave him.... He had gone out of town and I decided that it would be the best time for me to "dissappear" and at the moment I don't think that he knows where I am....
I just want to trust my army man, but I am struggling with it... I'm not used to guys treating me well... It confuses me in a way because I don't know what to do when he is so nice... I know how to react when I am treated badly, but I don't know how to react to my army man... Gah!!
GUYS ARE JACKASSES AND THEY ALL MUST AND WILL DIE... IF IT IS THE LAST THING I DO, THE ENTIRE MALE SPECIES WILL VANISH FROM THE FACE OF THE EARTH... ALL THEY DO IS CAUSE PAIN AND SUFFERING FOR THOSE THAT ARE AROUND THEM AND IT IS POINTLESS FOR THEM TO EXIST.... IF THEY ALL DIE RIGHT NOW IT WOULD MAKE ME THE HAPPIEST PERSON IN THE UNIVERSE... WHY DO THEY COME AROUND WITH THEIR PRETTY WORDS AND THEN FUCK YOU IN THE ASS WHEN YOU AREN'T LOOKING...? WHY DO THEY SEEM TO TAKE PLEASURE IN CAUSING OTHER PEOPLE PAIN? WHY ARE THEY ALL SO NICE UNTIL THEY GET WHAT THEY NEED FROM YOU THEN TURN AROUND AND LEAVE? WHY DO THEY TAKE PLEASURE IN HURTING THE GIRLS THAT FALL FOR THEM? WHY DOES LIFE HAVE TO BE LIKE THIS? WHY CAN'T THERE BE ANY DECENT GUYS OUT THERE?? WHY DO I ALWAYS FALL FOR THE WORST GUYS IN THE WORLD? WHY AM I SUCH AN IDIOT? HOW CAN SOMEONE WHO IS SUPPOSED TO BE HALFWAY INTELLIGENT BE SO FUCKING RETARDED THAT SHE FALLS FOR THE THREE LITTLE WORDS THAT MEAN ABSOLUTELY NOTHING TO ANYONE ANYMORE, THE THREE LITTLE WORDS THAT CAN TEAR ME APART, THE THREE LITTLE WORDS THAT CAN DROWN ME IN SORROW AND PAIN? "I LOVE YOU." YEAH... MY ASS!
Why are guys such confusing creatures?? I mean, they say one thing when they really mean another thing.... They lie to you about how they feel just to make you feel better... They tell you that you are the only person that they want, then turn around and break up with you because they "discover" that they still have feelings for their ex, who is a lesbian and wants nothing to do with them.... They tell you that they love you and then they tell you that they only said that to get in your pants (which doesn't make sense if they are already getting in your pants and only toys with your emotions)..... They come back to you and tell you that they just want to be "friends" which of course always includes the "extra benefits"... Then they string you along so that you are still willing to do ANYTHING for them... Then they really fuck with your head and tell you that they get jealous when you talk to your guy-friends who don't mean shit to you in that way... Then when you ask them why they get jealous they just say that they are worried that they will lose you forever.... I DON'T UNDERSTAND!!! A LITTLE HELP HERE?? MAYBE SOME GUYS CAN EXPLAIN THIS SYSTEM TO ME?!?!
I WANNA DIE!!!!!!!!!! WILL SOME ONE HELP ME OUT WITH IT?? HOW IS IT THAT PEOPLE THINK THAT THEY CAN WALK ALL OVER OTHER PEOPLE??
I KNOW I'M TOO MUCH OF A PUSSY TO KILL MYSELF, BUT IF SOME ONE WANTS TO KILL ME I'LL BE HOME AROUND 11:30-MIDNIGHT
KILL ME NOW!!! PLEASE JUST TAKE ME OUT OF THIS WORLD!! I DON'T WANT TO BE HERE I DON'T WANT TO BREATHE I DON'T WANT TO HURT ANYMORE!! PLEASE SOME ONE COME SAVE ME FROMM MY SELF-CREATED DAMNATION!!!!!
The world is swallowing my life I am drowning in my own blood
Just a poem today:
The Last Words My Ears Thought To Hear
"I love you"
The last words my ears thought to hear.
I glance up,
Certain to see,
his laughter mocking me,
Love shining is all i see,
It's glowing bright for my soul to see.
For it's as bright as is he,
Unfathomable feelings sweep,
Content yet tangled with fear.
Open your mouth, close it again,
can't explain,
no reply.
Up again so joe and I can see,
"I love you too"
The last words my ears thought to hear.
Well today my dad bitched at me for like 4 hours about how much of a bitch I am and how I'm ungrateful that he is my father and all this other bullshit. I'm seriously considering emancipation. Today, for like the second time ever, I deserved to be bitched at because I took the car without permission and I kind of don't have my license yet so yeah. But he didn't need to call me a bitch, I mean it wasn't that big of a deal, at least I didn't get caught by the cops like my sister did. My god he bitches at me when I don't have something to do to get me out of the house then he bitches because I'm always gone. (and he wonders why i like to be the fuck away from my fuckered up family and fuckered up life. Oh well whatever.I gotta go it's like 1 am and I have to get up early to go to school so peace.