well, me and keefe are taking a "break" cuz we started too fast and got close too fast...... tis ok though. i met someone while trying to find brett, and i am so glad i did. hes coming down to see me in august. he is so sweet. he lives in wisconsin, and hes gonna buy a ticket to come stay with me a week. i still really like keefe so much, and he likes me too, but i dont know what we are gonna do. ive got a lot of thinkin to do.

wow. me and keefe have been together for almost two months now. even though i have been told by numerous people to break up with him, im gonna stay with him. ive always given up on things too easily, especially on people, but im not going to give up on him. things keep getting better. im just gonna have to give it time and hopefully it will all work out ok in the end. i got a new job yesterday. ill be making a lot of money, which will be good bc i wont have to worry anymore. im going out to look at a couple of apartments today. wow. i might have my own place by the end of next week. its so crazy. i cant believe that im already out of school. i know there is still college, but its not high school. im going to be ok on my own now though. ive got my family and friends who care about me and i can support myself now and live well; and ill be starting college in about 2 and a half months. for the first time i can actually say im proud of what im doing and i have enough confidence in myself now so i know im going to make it. i am actually truely happy right now, and its not because of a guy this time. i have realized i dont have to have a guy make me happy. it is up to me to make myself happy.

damn all guys, except my boyfriend. brett was the first guy i fell in love with, way back in 9th grade. we lost touch a little over a year ago. well, i finally found him, and for some reason he doesnt want to talk to me. im pretty sure i know why, and its a very stupid reason. i will always love him. i wasnt trying to find him so we could be together again. i just wanted to make sure he was ok and everything. it kinda hurts that he wont talk to me, but its ok. i have a wonderful guy and im happy with him, although he doesnt know just how much i like him. but oh well,life goes on. its better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all. it still hurts, but its something i can live with. maybe we can at least be friends again someday. who knows. i wil be ok either way. ive learned that you just have to deal with things that you have no power to change. you have to just keep moving on with your life no matter what, and to always rememeber to smile, because you never know who is looking.