You know when you just get to a point.. and it seems like everything you've ever done is just... well shit...
well.. that's not where i am for once in my life.
right now i'm at one of those points where i have put so much into this one specific relationship... and just... she ripped it out... my heart..
and the real problem is that she knows which buttons to push.. what things to say... so that no matter what... i let her back in.. where she stays.. until she feels the need to rip my heart out again.
i can't count on one hand how many times she cheated on me.. or ripped my heart out... but it's ALOT...
but i still can't say no... i know it's fucking obvious... but i can't... and i'm sorry to every other girl i'm ever with... but it will always be that way i think...
i feel like a heroine addict....
..
... and i still wait every night to hear from her...

This was written by a guy who obviously has had years of experience. (no... it was not me.. but i support it 100%)


1. Whatever you do, don't just show up at their house [without notice]...they run around in their underwear just like we do...lol


2. DON'T CHEAT ON THEM. It may seem foolproof, but girls tell each other everything about everything. Trust me, they WILL find out and you will be mud.


3. Beware of every single male relative and all guy friends. Any of them would kick your ass at the drop of a hat, and a lot of them wouldn't even wait for the hat.


4. NEVER miss an opportunity to tell them they're beautiful.


5. DON'T refuse to kiss in front of your friends. If they laugh at you, it's because they're jealous.


6. If they slap you hard, you deserved it.


7. Don't be afraid to touch them if you want to. If they're going out with you in the first place, it's because they like being in your arms.


8. If you don't sleep with them, DO NOT tell your friends that you did.


8. If you DO sleep with them, DON'T tell your friends that you did.


9. You can be dirty minded in private, really...most of them are not offended by it...


10. Not all of them eat like birds, a lot of them can eat like whales.


11. Most of them don't mind paying half of everything, but they do discuss these things with their friends. Realize that if you make your girlfriend pay half all the time, everyone will know about it and your friends will know you're a pussy..


11. Do you honestly need all your money that much? Be a man, pay all the time!


12. Every girl should eventually get three things from her boyfriend- a stuffed animal, ONE OF HIS SWEATSHIRTS, and a really PRETTY RING (plastic ones from machines count). Even if it's not a serious relationship. (the sweatshirt is the most important item here :) )


13. Make sure she gets home safely as often as you can. If you're dropping her off, walk her to the door. If you aren't dropping her off, call to be sure she's home safely.


14. If a guy is bothering her, it is your right to beat the shit out of him.


15. If you're talking to a female friend of yours, PULL YOUR GIRLFRIEND CLOSER.


16. NEVER, ever slap her, even if it's just in a joking way. Even if she swats you first, and says, "Oh, you're so dumb" or something, never make any gestures back.


17. Go to a chick flick once in a while. She doesn't care whether you enjoy it or not, it just matters that you went.


18. You're dead meat if you can't get along with their pets, parents, and best friends. Be prince charming to their friends, Mr. Polite to their parents, and make sure to be nice to their animals.


19. Don't flirt with their moms...that's just freaky.


20. Don't be freaked out by PMS. It's not gross, and it really does make them feel like shit, so be understanding.


21. If you don't like the way they drive, you do it.


22. If you're officially dating, and you're introducing her to your friends, you'd better damn well introduce her as your girlfriend.


23. Don't stress where you go for every date. They really only want to be with you.


24. If they complain that something hurts, rub it for them WITHOUT being asked.


25. Girls are fragile. Even if you're play fighting/wrestling, be very gentle.


26. Memorize their birthdays. You forget her birthday and you're basically screwed for life.


27. Don't marinade the cologne, but smell good.


28. Don't give her something stupid for her birthday or Christmas or Valentine's day. It doesn't have to be expensive, but it has to be meaningful.


29. If you think the relationship isn't going to last, don't wait to find out. It will only hurt her more if you draw it out. But don't just give up either.


30. After you've been dating for a while, realize that they really have started to trust you. When you have a girlfriend who truly trusts you, you have a lot more responsibility, privilege and control than you would think. Be careful with it, most guys would kill for that kind of power, and it can be lost in a nanosecond.


31. NEVER, and i mean NEVER make her do anything she doesn't wanna do. Because if you do she'll think that you're only after one thing. (and i think you all know what that is)

where have they taken me?... where now can i turn?
not kidnapped by force, but by my own decisions
i let myself be guided by greed, by loss, by anger
by circumstance, by pride, by lust, by guilt
and in such choices, i have built my own distruction
a great and hidious beast it is...
both powerful and aware of all my flaws

and yet i find myself sitting..
observing this evil thing that i have created...
as it tears down those people i love, those i hold dear
as it pulls me further from the near past..
into my near dark future...
one of pain and regret, of loose and sorrow

why have i let it become such a monstrosity?
why have i chosen to ignore it's presence till now?
why do i choose to let it continue to control me?
these are the kinds of choices that made it
i chose to let what was once a small shadow in my soul
become a truly massive, distructive entity..
one that surpasses my own emotion understanding..
one that carries me along like a great dark wave

inside of me somewhere must be the answer..
it has to be... doesn't it?
don't all things the like of this have a solution?
a shining, heroic point of understanding?
one that will come forth.. present it's self to me..
and serve to arm me in my stuggle to vanquish this thing

but as i await this wisdom..
i am further intrenched by my choice of inaction..
in letting time pass.. in waiting..
i have once again impowered my burden...
let it pull me further into the abyss of my dispair...

i must make a choice...
for indecision in it's self is a choice
but will my action; or lack there of.. help or hinder me?

Lost Inside Myself

i posses a selfish knowledge
i posses a selfish pride
i am filled with foolish longings
i have a sickness deep inside

and when you look at me- look at me
can you see my flaws
when you look at me- look at me
can you see the cracks...
...in my really

i am traped inside my habits
i am trapped inside my mind
i'm inprisoned in feelings
in dreams i cannot seem to find

...a song in progress...