ugh jesus.

i miss him.
no matter how much he makes me feel like shitttt.
damnit.

[1. LOOK ABOVE YOUR COMPUTER SCREEN. WHAT DO YOU SEE?]
Dinosaurs ♥


[2. PRESS A RANDOM LETTER ON YOUR KEYBOARD WITH YOUR EYES CLOSED.]
f


[3. ARE YOU ON MSN AT THE MOMENT?]
Duh.


[4. STAND UP AND REACH UP...DO U TOUCH THE CEILING?]
nope.


[5. NOW REACH IN FRONT OF YOU (STILL STOOD UP) WHAT DO U TOUCH?]
silver fingernail polish.


[6. WHAT’S THE LAST THING A PERSON SAID TO YOU ON MSN?]
im writing a paper.


[7. WHAT CAN U HEAR RIGHT NOW?]
my new hawthorne heights cd.


[8. PICK UP THE NEAREST BOOK... TURN TO PAGE 27, LINE 18 WHAT IS IT?]
"So- after many tantrums, many arguments that shook Harry..."
Harry Potter: Goblet of Fire ♥

[9. WHAT IS YOUR PERSONAL MESSAGE ON MSN RIGHT NOW?]
Self Inflicted Coma <3

[10. WHAT’S ON TV RIGHT NOW?]
I hate tv.


[11. LOOK TO YOUR RIGHT...WHAT DO YOU SEE?]
Door. Basket of clean clothes. Camera. Bratz Boyz doll, lol. TV. Hot Topic Bag.


[12. ARE YOU HOT OR COLD?]
cold.


[13. GO ON THE INTERNET, TYPE IN ON GOOGLE YOUR FULL NAME AND COPY THE FIRST LINK.....]
www.chelseafc.com/


[14. WHAT’S ON YOUR MOUSE MAT?]
purple swirlys.


[15. WHAT COLOUR IS YOUR KEYBOARD?]
Purple and black.


[16. WHAT MAKE IS YOUR COMPUTER?]
I dunno. My Dad put it together.


[17. IF YOU WALK 5 STEPS TO YOUR RIGHT...AND REACH TO THE LEFT...WHAT DO YOU TOUCH?]
I'll run into my grandmothers skank bed.


[18. IS THERE SOMEONE IN YOUR BATHROOM RIGHT NOW?]
Nope.


[19. IS THERE A GUEST IN YOUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW?]
Nope.


[20. ARE YOU EATING?]
Nope.


[21. ARE YOU DRINKING?]
Water.


[22. TYPE YOUR PHONE NUMBER...]
641-931x


[23. WHAT TIME IS IT?]
7:23 PM


[24. IS YOUR CHAIR COMFY?]
Hell no.


[25. SAY BYE BYE...]
Schee Ya Later! &hearts;

Try this....it's freaky


Follow the steps at the end...it's weird

1) New York City has 11 letters


2) Afghanistan has 11 letters.


3) Ramsin Yuseb (The terrorist who threatened to destroy the Twin
Towers in 1993) has 11 letters.


4) George W Bush has 11 letters.


This could be a mere coincidence, but this gets more interesting:


1) New York is the 11th state.


2) The first plane crashing against the Twin Towers was flight number
11.


3) Flight 11 was carrying 92 passengers. 9 + 2 = 11


4) Flight 77 which also hit Twin Towers, was carrying 65 passengers.
6+5 = 11


5) The tragedy was on September 11, or 9/11 as it is now known. 9 + 1+ 1 = 11


6) The date is equal to the US emergency services telephone number 911.
9 + 1 + 1 = 11.


7) Three winning lotto numbers in a row on 9/11 was 9-1-1


Sheer coincidence..?! Read on and make up your own mind:


1) The total number of victims inside all the hi-jacked planes was 254. >2 + 5 + 4 = 11.


2) September 11 is day number 254 of the calendar year.
Again 2 + 5 + 4 = 11.


3) The Madrid bombing took place on 3/11/2004. 3 + 1 + 1 + 2 + 4 = 11.


4) The tragedy of Madrid happened 911 days after the Twin Towers
incident.


Sheer coincidence..?! Read on and make up your own mind:


Now this is where things get totally eerie:

The most recognised symbol for the US, after the Stars & Stripes, is the Eagle. The following verse is taken from the Quran, the Islamic


holy book:
"For it is written that a son of Arabia would awaken a fearsome Eagle. he wrath of the Eagle would be felt throughout the lands of Allah and lo, while some of the people trembled in despair still more rejoiced: for the wrath of the Eagle cleansed the lands of Allah and there was peace."

That verse is number 9.11 of the Quran.

Still uncovinced about all of this..?! Try this and see how you feel afterwards, it made my hair stand on end:

Open Microsoft Word and do the following:

1. Type in capitals Q33 NY. This is the flight number of the first
plane to hit one of the Twin Towers.

2. Highlight the Q33 NY. ( all caps)

3. Change the font size to 48.

4. Change the actual font to the WINGDINGS

Jase says:
Hi Belsea
Chelsea Belsea says:
Hey J'Thawn
Jase says:
what are you doing?
Chelsea Belsea says:
I'm fixin mah Page. Its gonna be Christmasy 
Jase says:
ho.
Jase says:
my sister got my mom "coupons" for christmas
Jase says:
do you know what those are?
Chelsea Belsea says:
those things that tell her that she can have like... one free time to wash the dishes and stuff?
Jase says:
yea yea
Jase says:
good job
Jase says:
okay
Jase says:
so wanna know some of the coupons my sister made my mom?
Chelsea Belsea says:
sure!
Jase says:
Good for one 15 minute massage: as long as I get one too!
Chelsea Belsea says:

Jase says:

One full week of not erasing your COPS recordings off of DVR (but you better watch all of those recordings, because after that week, all your COPS are gone!)

Chelsea Belsea says:
thats not coo
Jase says:
Good for one day of helping you clean the house, as long as you do the mopping, vaccumming, sweeping, and dusting.
Jase says:

One full day of minding...use this wisely (if you can find it)
Jase says:

Good for one breakfast in bed, because I know you don't eat breakfast.
Jase says:

ONe free time of actually letting you doze off, instead of clapping in your face! (this is good for one doze, not a whole day which consists of an average of 37 dozes)
Jase says:
One time helping you give the cats a bath, as long as you do the washing, and I get to take the pictures.
Chelsea Belsea says:
well.
Chelsea Belsea says:
Thats just nice.
Jase says:
lol
Jase says:
those made me laugh 
Chelsea Belsea says:
the clapping one....
Jase says:
...what?
Chelsea Belsea says:
Remember when you clapped in my face?
Jase says:
oooh yeah
Jase says:
hahah
Jase says:
my sister got it from me
Jase says:
when my mom falls asleep in the chair, i go up and clap.
Chelsea Belsea says:
thats just... mean
Jase says:
or get like 2 inches from her face, and start breathing on her, and wake her up and scare her.
Jase says:
its great.
Chelsea Belsea says:
Hi Made my own contact Table 
Jase says:
oh yeah?
Jase says:
i dont know what that is.
Chelsea Belsea says:
lol you know the "add me" thing on My Space?
Jase says:
oooh
Chelsea Belsea says:
I'm Proud 
Chelsea Belsea says:
what did you do so far today?
Jase says:
absolutely nothing 
Jase says:
u?
Chelsea Belsea says:
I woke up at 7 and went to like.... 9000 different stores for last minute shopping.
Jase says:
ho.
Chelsea Belsea says:
and tree is sposed to be coming over soon.
Chelsea Belsea says:
forlike... 2 minutes
Jase says:
[why for
Chelsea Belsea says:
to giveme my present and for hannah and Payton to exchange theirs... Tree already opened hers from me.
Jase says:
ho
Chelsea Belsea says:
are you okay?
Jase says:
yep?
Chelsea Belsea says:
hokay.
Jase says:
why
Chelsea Belsea says:
becauseyou dont seem normal 
Jase says:

Chelsea Belsea says:
well.. sorry.
Jase says:
for what
Chelsea Belsea says:
Hi Dont Know.
Chelsea Belsea says:
brb yo
Jase says:
k
Jase says:
hey belsea
Jase says:
brb
Jase says:
im on the phone

dear diary,
mood: apathetic
my life is spiraling downward. i couldn't get enough money to go to the Blood Red Romance and Suffocate Me Dry Concert. It sucks cause they play some of my favorite songs like 'Stab My Heart Because I Love You,' and 'Rip Apart My Soul,' and of course, 'Stabby Rip Stab Stab." and it doesn't help that i couldn't get my hair to do that flippy thing either, like that guy from that band could do, some days you know. . .

i'm an emo kid, non-conforming as can be
you'd be non-conforming to if u look just like me
i have paint on my nails and make-up on my face
i'm almost emo enough to start shaving my legs
'cause i feel real deep when i'm dressing in drag
i call it freedom of expression most just call me a f*g
'cause their dudes look like chicks, their chicks look like d*kes
'cause emo is one step below transvestite

stop my breathing and slit my throat
i must be emo
i don't jump around when i go to shows
i must be emo

i'm dark and sensitive with low self-esteem
the way i dress makes everyday feel like Hallowe'en
i have no real problems but i like to make believe
i stole my sister's mascara now i'm grounded for a week
sulking and writing poetry are my hobbies
i can't get through a Hawthorne Heights album without sobbing
girls keep breaking up with me, it' never any fun
they say they already have a p*ssy, they don't need another one

stop my breathing and slit my throat
i must be emo
i don't jump around when i go to shows
i must be emo
dye in my hair and polish on my toes
i must be emo
i play guitar and write suicide notes
i must be emo

my life is just a black abyss, you know, it's so dark. and it's suffocating me. grabbing ahold of me and tightening it's grip, tighter than a pair of my little sister's jeans . . . which look great on my by the way

when i get depressed i cut my wrists in every direction
hearing songs about getting dumped give me an erection
i write in a live journal and wear thick rimmed glasses
i told my friends i bleed black and cry during classes
i'm just a bad, cheap imitation of goth
you can read me "Catcher in the Rye," and watch me jack off
i wear skin tight clothes while hating my life
if i said i like girls i'd only be half right

i look like i'm dead and dress like a homo
i must be emo
screw XBOX i play old school Nintendo
i must be emo
i like to whine and hate my parentals
i must be emo
me and my friends all look like clones
i must be emo

my parents just don't get me you know. they think i'm gay just because they saw me kiss a guy. well, a couple of guys. but i mean, it's the 2000s. can't 2, or 4 dudes make-out with each other without being gay. i mean, chicks dig that kind of thing anyways. i don't know diary, sometimes i think you're the only one that gets me, you're my best friend. . . . i feel like tacos

Facts Guys should know about girls



when a girl is quiet
millions of things are running through her mind



When a girl is not arguing
she is thinking deeply



When a girl looks at you with eyes full of questions,
she is wondering how long you'll be around



When a girl answers "I'm fine" after a few seconds
she is not fine at all



When a girl stares at you
she is wondering why you are lying



When a girl lays on your chest
she is wishing for you to be hers forever



When a girl calls you everyday
she is seeking your atention



When a girl says "I love you"
she means it



When a girl says that she can't live without you
She has made up her mind that you are her future



When a girl says "I miss you"
No one in this world can miss you more than that



When a girl says No
She means no



10 things i hate about you
I hate the way you talk to me
and the way you cut your hair
i hate the way you drive my car
i hate it when you stare
i hate your big dumb combat boots
and the way you read my mind
i hate you so much it makes me sick
it even makes me rime
i hate the way you're always right
i hate it when you lie
i hate it when you make me laugh
even worse when you make me cry
i hate that you're not around
and the fact that you didn't call
but mostly i hate the way i don't hate you not even close. not even a little bit. not even at all........



Written with a pen, sealed with a kiss
if you are my friend answer me this:
are we friends or are we not?
you told me once but i forgot
so tell me now and tell me true
so i can say "i'm here for you"
of all the friends i ever met
you're the one i won't forget
and if i die before you do
i'll go to heaven and wait for you
i'll give the angels back their wings
and risk the loss of everything
there isn't a thing i wouldn't do
to have a friend just like you


Facts Girls should know about Guys.


when a girl is quiet
guys wonder when the bitching will start


When a girl is not arguing
guys think its time for a quickie


When a girl looks at you with eyes full of questions,
she is wondering how long you'll be around
guys think that they have spilled something on there shirt of their fly is undone


When a girl answers "I'm fine" after a few seconds
guys think, they have done something wrong again


When a girl stares at you
guys think , 'oh yes she bought it'


When a girl lays on your chest
guys think they r going to get a head-job


When a girl calls you everyday
guys think that their girlfriends think they are cheating


When a girl says "I love you"
guys think that they r getting screwed that night (most guys, but not me)


When a girl says that she can't live without you
guys think, 'oh no more baggage'


When a girl says "I miss you"
guys usaly say it back...


When a girl says No
guys think that your only saying no cause you want to get screwed...

HEY LETS CROSS THE SEA...... AND GET SOME CULTURE!!! RED WINE WITH EVERY MEAL AND ABSINTHE AFTER DINNER!!!!!

two star hotel!

Sunday, October 23, 2005

Talking in Silence

[I really wish people would accept me for who I am. I try to be the best I can be. I've changed already, I don't think I can change much more. I tell mom how I want to move to another town. Start Over. Maybe then I'll be accepted by someone. I feel like I'm all alone. I'll walk down the hall next to someone and all I ever hear is "Hey" to the person beside me. I keep walking. I know them, they know me. They just don't acknowledge my presence. Ever. No one. I need to go. Get away from it all. I try my best. No one cares. I'm sick of not having anyone to talk to. Only Lauren, but she has her own problems and I really don't feel like making them worse right now. Give her more of a mental breakdown. I make up people like Sha'Kleif to make myself happy. Sometimes it works. Other times I realize that I'm making something perfect up that will never be there. No, Sha'Kleif will never be there, or is that picture the best thing I've ever seen, but the personality we've given him is pretty wonderful. Besides, he actually accepts me for who I am. I Need to go. Leave. Die. I dont really care anymore. I won't have to put up with anything anymore, will I? I'm sick of people pretending to be my friend when no one else is there. Talk about me in a way that I have no idea why they are. I hate being called a freak. I hate being fat. I hate wearing Make-Up to hide myself. The best thing I own are my converse. The only thing that will never be judged for how they look. Be old and torn, no one would care because thats the way they are. Not me. I'm never going to make anyone happy. No one has ever been able to make me happy. The only thing I have right now is my music. Bassoon. Clarinet. Not my Emo crap. I love it, yes I do. Just not now. I need something else. Not just my MCR and Saosin. My lowest grade today on my Progress Report was a 74. I'm Stupid. I hate not having higher grades than everyone else. Not like it matters. I have to "set goals for myself", I "have to get into college." Right now, school isn't the most important thing on my priorities list. Maybe it's making myself change into someone I'm not. Maybe it's convincing myself that it is. I dont know. Dad hasn't yelled all that much lately. Neither has mom. Grandmother on the other hand is giving me the worst coniption I've ever had. Moving my crap all over the room and forgetting where she put it then blaming it on the girls. I wish I had my own room. I wish I had a car. I wish I had a job. I need something. I don't know what. Something to keep my mind preoccupied. I hate the way I'm always alone. If it wasn't for Lauren and Jase... I don't know where I'd be right now. They're the only ones who keep me alive right now. I don't really see Jason the way I used to. I don't really like him in that way anymore either. He's just become my friend.   Can't make me laugh like he used to because I got too used to hiding myself from him. He's leaving for college and yes, I'm going to miss him like hell. It won't be the same anymore because the three of us have grown together. Lauren is just about as confused as I am. I don't know who she likes anymore. Always someone different. Not like it's a bad thing. But someone needs to make up their mind. I remember when I first met her. Never talked to anyone. Stayed at the house all the time. Then I changed her. She was my best friend. More hours of conversation on the internet than we had ever talked in person. I miss that. Yahoo! messenger. Now dumb ass MSN. Habbo Hotel. Now shitty Elftown/Elfpack. I hate it. Adam Benjamin Howe. Eric Hammond. MuggleNet. MySpace. I miss it. So very much so. Yearbook. Mrs. Mize. "We're Leaders, Not Followers" If only that pertained for High School. Maybe its God's way of saying, "Chelsea, I hate you." I'm not very sure. But I need something. I hate my life. I do. I'm never good enough for anyone. Including myself. I wish I could change it, but I can't. I'm going to stay the same old Chelsea Brown who likes Ben Streckert and My Chemical Romance. The one who used to sing as loud as she could walking down the halls in 6th grade. The loud, annoying, obnoxious one. The one who was remembered for "stalking Caleb Mayo",and falling in love with a guy who she never knew. That fat girl over there. The one who can't find clothes when she goes shopping. The one who smells like ciggerettes because her dad decides he likes to smoke in the car. The girl with Pumpkins in her yard. That band nerd. One of those damn clarinets. That Emo Girl. Do I have Explanations? No. I'm not useful. I'm not smart. I'm not noticed. I'm not important. All I do is go to band practice and spend my parents money on crap. I'll never be noticed. I'll never be loved by who I want to be loved by. I'll always sit here. In the same damn spot at my computer. And I hate it...]

Minus The Bear Lyrics <index.html>
Absinthe Party At The Fly Honey Warehouse Lyrics <absinthepartyattheflyhoneywarehouselyrics.html>

Hey, let's cross the sea
and get some culture
Red wine with every meal
and absinthe after dinner
We'd look good side by side
walking back to the hotel

We've got to get something
to eat and to drink yeah,
and find a place too stay
that's not far off the main way-
we've got to plan our day:
Rodan and the Orsay
and find a way to cram it all in
before we drink hard again

Let's get a bottle and drink alone tonight x2

This light looks good on you
morning came early
Sitting on a park bench
that's older than my country
Two star hotel
near St. Germain.
Two star hotel
where the stars don't mean anything.

We've got to get something
to eat and to drink yeah,
and find a place too stay
that's not far off the main way- (Lets get a bottle!)

We've got to get something
to eat and to drink yeah,
and find a place too stay
that's not far off the main way-
we've got to plan our day:
Rodan and the Orsay
and find a way to cram it all in
before we drink hard again

Lets get a bottle and drink a little tonight
Lets get a bottle and drink alone tonight

The Song Ben Sent To ME ! Ahh! :)

Chelsea-[I </3 Ben] says:
the truth: yes it is you, because you don't pay attention to whats right in front of you and I hate that.
nin = the 17th says:
what do you mean?
Chelsea-[I </3 Ben] says:
exactly what i just said. you dont pay attention.
nin = the 17th says:
what to you? 
nin = the 17th says:
i know that you liked me or whatever
Chelsea-[I </3 Ben] says:
Yes I did.
nin = the 17th says:
and i fucking knew that. all your friends told me. but once you see that im not going for it, why do you keep liking me?
Chelsea says:
Keep liking you?
Chelsea says:
I didnt know tHey were telling you.
Chelsea says:
I never told them to.
nin = the 17th says:
yeah man. EVERYONE told me. 
nin = the 17th says:
some friends i guess??
Chelsea says:
yeah well.
nin = the 17th says:
but i DO pay attention

"Take Me Away"

I cannot find a way to describe it
It's there inside; all I do is hide
I wish that it would just go away
What would you do, you do, if you knew
What would you do

[Chorus:]
All the pain I thought I knew
All the thoughts lead back to you
Back to what was never said
Back and forth inside my head
I can't handle this confusion
I'm unable; come and take me away

I feel like I am all alone
All by myself I need to get around this
My words are cold, I don't want them to hurt you
If I show you, I don't think you'd understand
Cause no one understands

[Chorus]

I'm going nowhere (on and on and)
I'm getting nowhere (on and on and on)
Take me away
I'm going nowhere (on and off and off and on)
(and off and on)

[Chorus]

Take me away
Break me away
Take me away