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tomorrow's tragedy]
This is the story of my life, I am not looking for sympathy, I just need to get it out of my head and finally get most of it out there so I can move on
I don't remember much from my childhood, only bits and pieces. I do know that my father got my mother pregnant and that they ahd to get married because of my mother's religion. I didn't live with them untill I was 3, I live with my grandfather untill then, I had to move in with my parents and my younger brother after he died.Even then they wanted nothing to do with me, I was always being sent to my room or being screamed at by my father, but he didn't hit me untill I was 4....I ended up in the hospital with a broken arm.
All throughout my childhood it was like that, spending my days in my room, not being allowed out at all. Sometimes if I was lucky I'd get to spend a month or two with my other Grandparents, or my aunt, but once I started school I had to stayt home.
My life went on like that for years, I was always walking on eggshells around my parents, being carefull not to piss them off. By the time I was 7 I had been to the hospiutal at least 15 times for "injuries" and malnorishment.
My life changed completley when I started Highschool, I met this guy named Travis who became my best friend. I spent everyday with him after school, and he always made me feel a little better about going home, knowing that he'd be there for me the next day. And I'm so happy we was.
When I was a sophomore in High School my brother who never paid any attention to me started to become alarmingly close to me. Inside I was screaming because I knew what was going to happen I imediatly went to Travis and lost my virginity to him before it could be taken from me....3 weeks later I woke up with my brother ontop of me. After that I started taking 4 or 5 sleeping pills everynight because eventhough I knew what was going on, I didn't want to be aware of it.
I ended up attemping suicide twice that year.
But shortly after this girl named Chelsea came to town and I moved in with her for the summer...it was the best summer of my life, and as soon as I turned 18 we flew over to England and traveled around there for 6 months, doing our school work through e-mail. Then we came back to graduate.
But shortly after we returned I met Jeromy. I imediatly moved in with him and got married to him the day after graduation.
When we first got married, we'd have sex everyday, a few times a day, but after a whille i got sore and tiered, but,he made me do it anyway.I'd even wake up to him doing it to me in the middle of the night. I didn't want to have a baby right away, he did, he wouldn't let me get birth controll, then i got pregnant.
He made me have sex 5 times a day everyday, untill the day before the baby was born, eventhough I had been in labor for 5 days he still made me. The baby was a month over due and i was so tiered because he made me sleep on the floor.
After the baby was born he waited three weeks, but then got out of controll, after the baby went bed for the night i went to sleep. I woke up to him shoving something in my mouth, as he started to penitrate me, ripping my stiches. That was the worse pain i had ever felt.
I endured 3 1/2 more months of it. Then on my birthday one of his friends fliped out and threatened to throw Lilith off a bridge. He took 2 steps towards her bedroom and I grabed a metal candle stick and hit him over the head with it. He had a siezure and almost died...but I never got charged with anything. Later that day Jeromy wanted to punish me so he dropped me and LIlith off a a homeless shelter and said he's be back for us in 3 weeks.
Itook the opertunity to get a restraining order.
Tat still dosn't stop him, even still he likes to stalk me. Once he even broke in, beat me and raped me in front of my daughter, the day before her first birthday. And that is the worst thing that can ever happen to somebody, to have that happen to you whille your kid is sitting there crying the whole time. I am never going to beable to forget the sound of her crying.
He still wants me to have seven more of HIS kids
That's me and my daughter Lilith when she was three months old,
yeah, i remember spending almost an hour a day trying to hide the bruises with make up.
Although I am "free" from him, I still feel asthough he has won. I feel as though I have nothing. He's made it almost imposible for me to find a job, he's trying to take my daughter from me, he's even had child protective services investigate me.
I try my hardest not to make him think that he has won...that he still hass controll over me.
But in reality he does. My life is spiraling out of controll, the bottle is tempting, the knife refects all that I feel. How much more of this can anybody take?
My life is finally getting back together and I couldn't be happier. Yes I have made a couple of life changing decicions int he past month or so one is good and the other will make it harder, but I a still happy. I will be attending school in september and I will be having another baby in April.
Stumble!