Chris.

Immensely talented, painfully good-looking, painstakingly crafted from raw iron and sparkling wit. Fulfiller of countless prophecies. Employee of the month every month. Regularly saves drowning babies and treed cats, immortal, can command lightning and tame wild horses, and is projected to be the first and last president of planet earth.

I've seen things you wouldn't believe. I've been things you wouldn't believe. I've eaten things you wouldn't believe.