hey you guys it's me! Anyways so me and jonny are really over and i think ive been doin really good without that jerk in my life!I do still love him but honestly I always will! He called me the other night and told me that he loved me and always would and i said fuck you jonny and hung up on him.It hurt so bad to hear those words come out of his mouth once again because he's proved to me that they are nothing but lies so whatever.I still have flashbacks of all the things he done to me but if I continue gaining strength i will be just fine.
so until next time i hope you all are hanging in there and lades if you're letting a guy control you or beat on you... take my advice and lezve the piece of shit because you deserve better...I delt with it for almost 5years and it took me until nowto realize that i was blind and i needed to quit runnin back and forgiving him because he never meant it when he told me he was sorry or when he said he loved me!

well im back at kims.I'm supposed to go model Saturday but I haven't went and got my makeup or got my monologues for my audition.I'm fucked.I'm watching Jesse while Kim took Josh to the doctor and Jonny grabbed the phone and went into another room.Whatever.......I'm gonna go now I'm about tired of this shit.......(tears fall)

Well it's me again.Right now I'm at the library and I'm on here talking to my peps.;)But Jonny went to court and everything is ok, he got his assult charge dropped but he has community service and alchol classes......but that's what he gets for doing dumb shit.
I guess we're doing ok.....I still feel like he only wanted in my pants but then again he tells me that he misses me and wants me to come over soon.So I just have to quit trippin out and let him have fun but I HATE how EVERYTIME I talk to him he's so fucking high he don't know what the hell's going on.Like the other night he busted out laughing for no reason and I was like,"What the hell is so funny?" and he was like I was just thinking about your face.:0  How rude I mean seriously.But whatever there's alot of drama going on but I'm go talk to my peoples more befoere I have to leave.BYE~

Hey it's me again but now I'm not so....perky.Well I really don't believe that Jonny really wants to be with me.He went off on me for talking to my brother for 45 minutes.Give me a break!Ya know?Plus I'm leaving at 5 and it's 3 so he's wasting time with me by being so stuck up.He has court tommrow with all his mistermeanors(misspelled)and his assult charge on his dad.
So now I'm left thinking what the hell do I do?Rickey told me to quit fighting and just chill because he doesn't wanna see me hurt again.OMFG Jonny just walked right by me......I'm listening to Big girls don't cry by Fergie......HINT HINT MOTHA FUCKA!!!!!DUH.......whatever I'm just hurt then and I don't know when I'll be back so all you peoples I talk to I hope yall miss me.I'll miss being away from home.Fuck it I'm gonna go(tears fall)I wish all yall luck....some advice:never make someone a priority when all you are to them is an option!!!!!!!!!!

Today has been oaky so far...my mom doesn't know where I am well...she does but she doesn't know the real reason of why I'm here.It's for her own good not to know.Have you ever felt like that?I just had to go start Josh's dirt bike,he's 8 and he's like a brother to me.;)
Things at home are still the same.I'm just hanging in there.I haven't cut for 2 weeks.I'm proud of myself.....but my eating disorder is kinda not improving.The day before yesterday I was throwing up blood and my nose bled straight for like 3 hours.I have to admit it scared me a lil bit,even though I'm used to it you never know when your last day is and that alone is alot of worrying.
Yesterday I went modeling again and turned down a job,which I now regret a lil.The job was to model for YMI clothes and swimwear.I would've got paid $50,000 a commerical and there were at least 12 commericals on the contract.My manager was so suprised when I turned it down.But whatever she was kinda dissapointed but it was to be able to see the love of my life so to me it was totally worth rejecting.He's worth it...he's worth everything to me and if I had to I would give my life for him too.But time for me to cut outta here because Jonny's asleep and when he wakes up he'll wanna take a shower.(memories)lol sorry but since this is to the public I think it'd be best if I didn't write all that.

This morning I seen my babygurl and I have decided that I'm going to break up with my boyfriend and just stick with Rachelle!Social services are still involved and so is that police deartment..GOSH I want them to go away and NEVER come back. But she makes everything ok without even doing anyhthing except being her.She's so special I hope I never los her!!!!!!!