just so you all know soon I will start disappearing from time to time because I am becoming busier but
I will try to be on when I can

I still feel as if I am not ment to be like my life is just to amuse another being that finds my pain to be funny

help some one please help me

why do I allow my fealings to get the better of me. I am a logical person and yet I all ways lose out to emotion why.

ahh my head damnd headach some one make it go away.

the happiness that I have wont last but that happiness I give I hope lats forever.

why must this always hapen to me. When ever I find a bit of happieness it gets torn from my grasp.

people may say that your not alone but you know what there wrong you are always alone there is no one there to pick you up when you fall no one who will help you throught those hard times no one to hold you when you need it.

all alone again no one to stand besides me the one I love has left me. why oh why has she left me.

life is a good thing even trhought all you end up doing is waiting for it to end enjoy the life you have now and revel in the very thought that every one and every thing is connected in some small way.

my world is faling
my heart is aching for the one I love
will she leave or will she stay
these things I knowest not
I love her and yet she is staying away from me I miss her so much
why dose it hurt so when I think of what I have done
my love do you think you can forgive this foolish man who loves you so?

my world is faling
my heart is aching for the one I love
will she leave or will she stay

I know I havent writen in a while but the pain is comeing and some thing is wrong really wrong I feal the tears but they won't start I see my love I wan't to be with her always I can't bear to let her go why can't I let her go I wan't to hold her close the whole night throught but I can't I want to hold her for as long as posable but I can't she holds my heart and dosen't know it she has power over me that no one has had before yet she dosen't know how to use it she hurts when I have to hang up it hurts when I have to leave her I hurts when ever she is not around when I hold her the pain goes away when she is near I brightens my look on life but when she is away the pain comes back stronger and worse the before no one knows no one cares and yet the pain is almost unberable too bad she dosen't even know

my pain is depper then you will ever know my heart ach is one you will never feal my death will bring me so much joy and so meny others pain that I cant cause them this pain but to you this I say Iam sorry for any wrong I have done you Iam sorry for my pain Iam sorry for your pain but now is not the time for my demise you think you know me you think that you liked me you think my world is nice you think that iam a player, but you know not what goes throught my head, the pain you caused tha ach you have re awakend, the depresion that iam falling back into. the sickness that I now have.

shaloniar diomidir sloniavonidarlinoda
do not ask what it means

the emotional pain one can be caused is to great for one to bare alone yet iam alone as I will and as I always have ben yet no one sees that side all the see is a happy man who has every thing to live for but what the world knows not is there are far more things to die for.

the pain was gone but now it returns with more stregth then ever I know not how to recover from it this time dose anybody know how to fix this?