[WeirdMindOfFesh]'s diary

15301  Link to this entry 
Written about Sunday 2005-05-08
Written: (7144 days ago)

How can you all say you know me for me when you are so surprised when i do something weird or out of the ordanary? If you truely knew me you would know that you can NEVER know what to expact with me. I am an predictabul and i am not of the usal and i am not like any other that you will lay your eyes upon of hear the voice with you ears. You cannot say that i am a child of the light. that would be to lie. You cannot say that i am a child of god, for that is yet again a lie. I am not a bright child, but at the same child i am not dull(not in intellagence but in mood). I carry not a frown but not a smile. I am that of the grey, that of no mood that of the shadows. I am nothing in the eyes of most and to those that i am not i am as the say something , i have to say this to them, You have let you heart, feelings or what ever else mislead you. You have been lied to and misspoken to because i am nothing but air. Notihg but a fool that is folded into a shape of a female and set upon this world. I am a dark aura i am a dark being of hate. I cannot know love from many. I only know if and will only feel it from one being. That is it no more and nonless until that being bring helps bring another being in to this world from us and us only. Other things would be said but there is no need you see because there is not worth reading a journal of a loser and a nobody!

12357  Link to this entry 
Written about Sunday 2005-04-03
Written: (7178 days ago)

In your eyes,
people can't seem to see anything because your eyes are covered up by tears! You are constantly hurt and depressed... No one seems to understand how you feel because everyone is scared to get close to you... You long to be able to reach out and tell someone everything, and all of your problems... But you have no one to tell, or they just don't seem to want to hear what you have to say. You've been hurt many times that you don't seem to have any tears left to shed, or if you do, they're an endless river flowing... You've started to hide and bottle up all or your problems and feelings, hoping that maybe they just will go away... You want company, but at the same time, you're scared of it. Your sanctuary is your room where you can just be alone and try to throw away all of your aching pains. You're dark and mysterious and people like you for that reason. Even if you think you're all by yourself in the dark, someone is always there with you. Your special someone wants to admit and show their feelings towards you, but they're afraid of how you'll take it. Get out more and enjoy life because, it is far too long to frown your way through :)

12336  Link to this entry 
Written about Sunday 2005-04-03
Written: (7179 days ago)

Crystal Rain



All I know is a world full of pain
locked inside, an eternal crystal rain
falling from the heavens
shattering like mirrors
bringing the reflection
of a thousand lovers' tears

All I can see is a world full of pain



Tainted

With a few words, my heart is torn,
from my pain, only sorrow is born...

Finally, behind the lies, my life I can see,
dreams collapsed, there is no hope for me...

Words of love, tarnished - lie, all they burn,
once love - now gone, forever, ashes to turn...

All those lies, in front of my eye, now flashes,
what once were my love, now only remain in ashes...

Tainted ashes of love, only feed the seeds of lie,
blown in the wind, to seek a victim, a heart to die...
pounding in my mind, the insistent crystal rain
falling to the oceans
it is brought back to the land
as a misted breath
upon a dying lover's hand

All I can feel is an infinity of pain
falling on my face, a somber crystal rain
one with the storm
I rage and toss
filled inside
with my dead lover's loss


Save Me

When buzzing silence is the only sort
of music my care-weary ear can stand,
and I become a hairy, pus-filled wart
that shames the muse's lovely powdered hand-
When walls remove me from the pressing crowd,
suppress me with their invisible load,
my hands become too big, my voice too loud,
I sit lost on dusty foreign roads
friendless, devoid of meaning, all drawn in
from contact needed from those I repell
because I feel boorish, painfully thin,
and on my magnified faults I must dwell-
These times I yearn for you to save me, you
can soothe this pain, and help me make it through


A Smile of Bone

I demand an explanation.
Yesterday's sunshine lit the darkest recesses of
my honeycombed synapses like light that strikes
a cathedral's stonebound altar with gold.
New hope flitted hummingbirdlike, failure to
failure, drinking lessons from each morbid cup.
I demand an explanation.
All felt lovely, cased in a velvet sheen
with no threat of peeling off. Yet so it has-
and beneath is brittle, ugly bone.

Today, 20 degrees, night fell on afternoon
with a resounding silence quite unlike
Spring; I stumbled through too many dreams
alone into public like some psycho Robert Lowell,
all new perspective lost in the shallow grief
of lonliness and watched the students dance
out of the bar and into each other's orifices
over a cooling cup of coffee. My bones
clutched the cup, my flesh swallowed smoke as
a sorority girl divulged to me a smile of bone,
bulging flesh painfully stretching her veined skin.

Explain why visions of soft bodies curved
in inspired rhythms struck me then, with
a wet slap like a banana peel across the cheek.
Profusions of over-luscious breasts,
cherry-aureola peaked like a sundae,
smothered washboard stomachs. The chocolate
mounds below whispered their dank mysteries.
It's unjust to undress the whole mass of bodies
jammed in the bar rush for my eyes. Yesterday,
so many sweet hypocrisies slithered unperceived
behind the oh-too-perfect scenes. I applaud
this facade that swathes the soul with skin.
To see below to bone, a meticulous map of sin,
is too foolhardy for one so image fooled as me.
What, what forced me to chart each light chat,
look beyond the core to darkness where blood
pumped more air to each pair of lying lips?
Tell me; I'll buy it all and burn it.
Those brains must have withered smothered
in the hairspray that fakes airy mountains
on each girl's expensive scalp. Brain must feed
muscle as fat hardens with beer in armwrestling
boors slamming Coors with funnels
down yearning gullets. Nothing is worse
than to look beyond the mask, and find nothing.

Why steal innocent illusions of truth, take
the naturally floral view I mistake, and crush it?
I demand an explanation.


"I love you" whispered the razor
As its blade kissed my flesh.
It's sweet carreses;
The pain and pleasure;
Soon I'll be able to rest.


The fountain of red
Flowing from my wrist
Takes away my sorrow;
It washes away my pain.
This is my last wish.


The heat of my rage
Rushing from my body;
The pounding of my aching heart
Starting to slow finally.
My time has come and I'll soon be free.


This is the end for me.


The love of the razor
Has finally set me free.
An affair that lasted for years
Has ended with my life
Love has killed me


I'm an angel with crimson wings of blood
Trapped in the purgatory of my own demise
Let me save you
Before you die like me
Before love is the one you desipe.

Note that these are copyrited

12335  Link to this entry 
Written about Tuesday 2005-03-01
Written: (7179 days ago)

The 11 Satanic Rules of The Earth

1 Do not give opinions or advice unless you are asked.


2 Do not tell your troubles to others unless you are sure they want to hear them.


3 When in another’s lair, show him respect or else do not go there.


4 If a guest in your lair annoys you, treat him cruelly and without mercy.


5 Do not make sexual advances unless you are given the mating signal.


6 Do not take that which does not belong to you unless it is a burden to the other person and he cries out to be relieved.


7 Acknowledge the power of magic if you have employed it successfully to obtain your desires. If you deny the power of magic after having called upon it with success, you will lose all you have obtained.


8 Do not complain about anything to which you need not subject yourself.


9 Do not harm little children.


10 Do not kill non-human animals unless you are attacked or for your food.


11 When walking in open territory, bother no one. If someone bothers you, ask him to stop. If he does not stop, destroy him.





The 9 Satanic Sins

1 Stupidity


2 Pretentiousness


3 Solipsism


4 Self-deceit


5 Herd Conformity


6 Lack of Perspective


7 Forgetfulness of Past Orthodoxies


8 Counterproductive Pride


9 Lack of Aesthetics
 The logged in version 

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