perhaps this is just another habbit ?
but ehm
i m not in a good mood today
like i havent been for days
its not like i can help it anymore
i did my best the other days and things quite changed but ehm now ?
i just cant 
so i think i wont be around  till i feel better i mean its not like there is much sense right ? ehm anyway thought you should know... i m just tired of these days *sigh*
things will so be alright NOT

its been like one week since things have changed
again
and yet all i can do is think bout her
ehm feels just quite weird every single day
and there are always the same thoughts on my mind
and always thinking what if?
but then i just understand that all i can actually do is ehm ?
think of her
and yet i dont know if i can actually tell her ><
mad at myself perhaps
i really wanted to say these....
other than that ehm i m going to leave for thesaloniki next monday so.... ehm enjoy :)

just read the mood ><




PS
dont expect replys

its been almost 3 months
i don't really am willing to talk about that but i guess i never will
i don't know why i decided to write these down i guess i just didn't wanna forget it
see i ve always not been understadable n i know that there wont be any people that may understand this
but oh well let me see
i dont mind i really need to write these down
see its been 3 months
n still i m lonely n not through it but its been 3 bloody months n i just can hardly wait ....
hopefully it ll just change n things ll get to be alright again but as long as i know its not just up to me *sighs* i need my life back
i guess i ll just make it n pretend to hug people until they get there.....

n then after that
*dont wanna mention what*
just days wouldnt end
1 hour seemed like 1 day
n billy had nothing to do
its been a week like that
n billy still hasnt found out what to do
so he thinks that perhaps going on vacation on the 22nd might help.
aint taken any decisions yet
just dunno what to do the whole day
i actually have tried all the games i got in my computer
even the ones that aint in windows
+
i have played all the mame games n reached that ends...
(mame is a pack of almost 1000 games that usually were played in slot machines)
so
heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeelp!

proly not gonna b around much anymre
sorry me dear friends
just everything is gettin worse n worse
perhaps i shuldnt b here anymre

wanna feel betta soon *sigh*

what i ve kept on regretin this days is not grabbin the chance the other day
the real chance to talk to her....
*sigh*
been doin that a lot right?just like i just found out what it feels like i guess its just because people are like willin to help n everythin even though they cant
they do wanna but just cant
there are some things in life  for which you gotta just regret i guess oh well all i can really do is b patient till the day comes....
(please dont make any comments about this)
love ya babe

i guess i ve just eaten sumit i shuldnt have....
i m great :) wheee

tummy hurts a lot
i think i m sick again oh well i just gotta be patient i guess
i may not b here for a while if i m sick....
if i m not ttyl ;)
gotta go nw though :/

yea right.... i m just  sick
had a really rough day n just came outa ed
i miss her a lot n just wanna talk to her...
so i hope things are gonna b allrgiht again i m glad Costas (my cousin ) is around so i m not havin that rough time....
i m probably not gonna b around for a while... :/

you see i m sleepless
+ i got school again n thats makin it worse i cnt stand bein awake over there
+ i m missin her
+ i got my cousin 2 n cant stnad seeing him like that cause hez the only person i still got
+ we are on about to get grades n that means extra pressure from my parents.... for sure even though they are gonna b good they never get satisfied....
PS... something happend at the chess club i m in n i am not really willin to talk about it but i have to deal with that 2

yea right lifez crap again
my cousinz really depressd
hez talkin bout life n how depressin it cn b n how pointless it is ... so i m just gonna try to help him
if i m down i guess thz is gonna b the reason
he just was there for me through everythin so i think that i have to do this at least for him.... or for the person he used to be

yea emptyness ..... n loadz bout it i dont know how actually to say this just needin sum space...


+
something came up agen....

dont ask why i just feel like me again.... i mean the really old me ;P
i dont have a clue why n it might b just for tomorrow so just enjoy.... its free (:

i m mad at billy.... everyone i know is mad at billy
n well i just dont see a reason to care anymore
i ll probably not be online anymore after next year starts
i guess i ll have to try to move on
(me movin on huh ?)
ermmm... i am not good at saying things like that i just know that things ll hardly ever be ok but things ll also just b perhaps not for me but for the people i care about ( they arent that many anymore )
i just think that the reason why i am writing all these down is coz i m billy n i just dont wanna b like that again cause being mad at your own self is the worse feelin u can have........ n if you doubt it try bein mad at your own self
i ve been like <blah -blah> all these time n been writin down whatever came up in my mind so if it dusnt make any sense i d like to apologise to those who ll try readin it n if it does i hope you just arent gonna feel the same thing
couldnt feel more loneliness ..............................n it SUCKS
greetings to all of you that used to say goodbye but just wont anymore....
PS
new year=no billy
PS 2 ...
soz lizzie i hope u ll b fine without me
PS 3 i forgot to mention that i m gonna b in Athens frm 2nd till 9th january......
PS 4
now i just see (tho its tooooooooooooooooooooo late) that some things shouldnt b said.... yet my feelings havent changd... i just didnt change my feeelings bout anyone or anythin except from me.....
so whoever read this remember therez always a way back
xxxxxxxx
THERE IS JUST ONE THING I DOUBT
THEY SAY THAT YOU UNDERSTAND HOW MUCH YOU LOVE SOMEONE WHEN THAT PERSON IS GONE.... I DONT THINK SO

well
just wanna say something...
lifez never been the way it shuld be
noone ever said that life would be fair
i know that when its up to life,life hardly ever gives something which is gonna be taken away at any time just cause you missed the spot that well kinda happened to me but i m still here nw n thats what matters
i m fine
n yet i know that all u need to do is always carry on going the way you know you should thats the only thing helping cause it makes you feel better
the explanation for that is way 2 simple
you just know for yourself that even if you didnt make it you tried to n so you wont be regreting doing something like that
what i am tryin to say is something i m not sure about at all lol :)
i ll just try to move on like nothingz happened dunno if its like that :)
my lifez a mess but i dont care i m healthy n shez around :)))

i need to change my last week..... i have to do it somehow or jst forget that all this happened

well
i dont really wanna say this but i promised someone that i would if anything like that would happen

so well i just am sayin
that i fainted twice the past 2 days both times at home n in front of a book
wanted also to mention that i have to do something and once again i dont have a clue what that something is....

yea oh well
today it was a national celebration over here...
anyway we didnt have school or anything and my dad came over and i saw him after 4 weeks O.o
the bad part is that he has been injured and well his eye has a pretty bad wound + something is going on with me i just cant stand sitting with open eyes....

OK there we go...
what happend 2day?
The doctor told me that my back will probably not be ok.I have to be careful if i want it to be heald n not to be operated.There is a slight possibility that i will b fine just with time.Yet its just that i cn hardly ever sleep anymore even when i m layin on my bed it hurts n it does so way too much.

I am close to a decision but there are some things that prevent me from taking this decision
1st I m afraid
2nd I m alone
3rd i dont feel ready
4th I miss her :/

i m writing this things here just in case that something happens.....