(Change She to He and it will be the story of my life....)

She just walked away.
Why didn't she tell me
And where do I go tonight
This isn't happening to me
This can't be happening to me
She didn't say a word
Just walked away
You were the first to say
That we were not ok
You were the firt to lie
When we were not alright
This was my first love
She was teh first to go
And when she left me for you
I was the last to know
Why didn't she tell me
Where to go tonight
She didn't say a word
She just walked away
You were the first to say
That we were not ok
You were the first to lie
When we were not alright
This was my first love
She was the firs to go
And when she left me for you
I was the last to know

I'll be the first to say
That now I'm ok
And for the first time
I've opened up my eyes
This was my worst love
You'll be the first to go
And when she leaves you for dead
You'll be the last to know

I'll be the first to say
That now I'm ok
And for the first time
I've opened up my eyes
This was my worst love
You'll be the first to go
And when she leaves you for dead
You'll be the last to know

So far me and my boyfriend have been great. now there is just one problem....i'm sick with tonsilitus/strep throat, for the third time, plus i have a few other things going on...so all in all i look and feel like shit.
I'm hoping that i'll be better by monday so that way i get to see my boyfriend and brother. But i'm going to bed soon. I'm tired. Later loves

So I have my boyfriend back and i'm happy. He and i are going to try and work things out and i'm hoping we can. I know it may be hard, but i'm willing. So i'm good now.

My boyfriend cheated on me in august and i just found out about it on saturday....And i told him i knew, and then i tried to work things out...but he left....and it really fucking hurts. I cant eat, I cant sleep, I can hardly hold down water and tea. And i'm still trying to get him back....but he left because he said he hurt me, and that he was leaving because it was what was best for me....but he doesnt realize that its killing me....i havent stopped crying for more then two hours...and i've broken down over fifteen times today....and i really dont know what to do....and i dont think i can get through this....

I want him back. I need him. He doesnt realize that we can be together and work things out and that this is killing me and its not the best for me.
We were so happy on friday...and now all i want is to go back to september 19th 2009, and make sure none of this happens...but reality is a fucking bitch and i'm now in pain again.

He doesnt realize that he made me so happy. It was like...everything from my past that haunted me, left when i was with him, when i could call him mine.
He doesnt realize that as long as he loves me....i dont care.

I cant hold myself together for more then two hours...and even then...tears still threaten to spill.

What i dont get....why did he give me back his ring....if he doesnt want me anymore? I gave him back his ring...but he slipped it in my pocket....and told me that he loved me.....

I hate love....it does nothing but cause pain and destruction...
I tried to light a candle....but all i can do is curse the darkness....

I'm just hoping that some how i get him back and we can be happy....cause i really dont think i can get through this...i'm going to try....but how can you succeed when everything you want is taken from you....? I dont know. I'm going to try and focus on homework with out breaking down every five minutes.

School sucks and its only the first day....i'm not looking forward to chemestry of geometry because they look like a major pain in the ass.
i still havent heard from my boyfriend...and now i'm starting to go insane.
and um....yeah....i have at least two hours of homework every night....son of a bitch...this year is going to suck.

Can someone just kill me now? I mean what the fuck?!?! my boyfriend always goes to his ex girlfriend when ever he's in trouble...why doesnt he come to me? I'm his girlfriend now and he gave me a fucking promise ring and told me to my face that he loved me? Should i cut my loses now or talk to him about it?
I love him...and i miss him to the point where it hurts, but i'm tired of him going to this chick when i'm his girlfriend now...
I dont know what to do...i guess i'll just have to deal with this too.

ok...so lets see....

My boyfriends grounded for hell knows how long. So i cant see or talk to him...and i dont even know why he is grounded. Here's the slap in the face...i've only seen him once this summer...and as fun as it was...it also wasnt fun because needless to say, it was stressful because we were at a party and then we got so lost on the way home that we were half an hour away from rhode island. So yeah....fun yet not.

School is going to start soon and a shit load of drama is going to finally unfold and i'm going to have to deal with it all even though i'm not fucking involved in any of it....what the fuck.

My friend is leaving for collage on sunday and her life ended as she knows it because she had to break up with her boyfriend because he's leaving to go to rehab for drugs, her paretns now know that he was into drugs and she isnt allowed any contact with him until he is clean. And ontop of that her great grandfather died. And here is the other slap in the face, i used to have feelings for her (yes i'm bi if you dont like then go die and dont talk to me.) and so we still have a strong connection and now she is basically my sister and i may not get to say goodbye to her when she leaves.

My mom has decided to be uber bitch and now she's just god damn annoying.

I woke up crying last night and didnt get very good sleep after...that hasnt happened in a very long time...not since i was being abused every fucking day.

Oh....and my past is catching up to me and old memories are re-surfacing...memories it took a long time to surpress and now they dont want to disappear.....

And i'm in such emotional pain that it has litterally become physical pain that i cant get rid of and the only thing , or rather, only person that can get rid of it, i cant see for hell knows how long.....

so yeah.....and if you read all of this....you must really be curious, or care (likely i hope) or the most likely out of all three....you are just bored out of you fucking mind.

Either way, later peeps.

What happens when you cant be saved anymore? What happens when your supposed "destiny" or "fate" has been written for you by someone else? What happens when you find out everything and everyone was all a lie? That you were nothing but a little puppet that was controlled by those who claimed to love you? What happens when you finally stand up for yourself, and then they desert you because you no longer believe them, no longer allow yourself to be controlled?

What happens when you try so hard to reach for something, for someone, call for them, call for their help....but they dont come? What happens when all have deserted you..left you to die, and those who you loved, those who you thought loved you...leave you after they said they would always be there?

Do you just let yourself fall....Do you catch yourself?

What if you cant save yourself or protect yourself? What if those who you thought loved you, turned out to be stronger then you so they decide to do what ever it takes to crush you?

What if no one will protect you?

What if the only person (s) that could halp you, save you, protect you, no longer cared?

You say fuck that. You try to find your own way....but what happens when/if you fall?

*sigh*

You are left for dead, left to die. Left to fade into nothing, left to disappear and become nothing forever more.

Forever a Fallen Angel, Forever a Weeping Rose, Forever Nothing, Forever Forgotten, Forever Ignored, Forever Dead, Forever Nothing, Forever More.

Ignore this...This is what happens when i've gotten little sleep and am stressed.

There is no end to be found in this world.
Sleep, my beloved.
Your life goes on.
You were born, and you lived.
You will tell the song of hope, won't you?
For eternity.

Offer up these tears,
The words of a new love.
Thank you, days of bliss within my dreams.
I thank the fact that we met here.
For eternity.

-Requiem-Inori

Sorry i havent been on in a while. I've been really busy lately and a lot of things keep going on so i dont have time to come on that often. Sorry guys. But with all the bad things going on...i still have my boyfriend so i'm happy.