[~forgotten~]'s diary
Okay, so, yesterday, I did something stupid to hurt someone. turns out I hurt others in the process:( im dumb..
My dad and I use to have a band together and we made a cd of our band..
god i was so fun..
He and I were like bestfriends, heh.. but that all changed, he has a good life now and doesnt need me or anyone else in it:(
Okay, well recently, I was that I think I'm better then everyone.
If sticking up for one of my friends makes me better then you, I'm fucking proud of it, because I'm sick of dumbass friends who can't just take a fucking hint and leave someone alone, so if you have a problem with me sticking up for one of my friends and you feel like telling me i'm a bitch and that I think i'm better then everyone else, then please comment my diary.
I'm going to smack Davids brother, he's a stupid fucking dick.
He's so cocky.
Angel eyes
This girl who I see staring back at me, the girl with the angel eyes.
this girl who I will always prize.
Though she doesnt love me.
And we never will be.
I charish those angel eyes.
She would tell me she loved me.
Then take it back.
This notion of hers, cause my heart to crack.
Will I ever learn wll I ever meaned?
this mary-go-round love
Caused me to break and bend.
So, i'm letting her go with this note of how much
I love this girl with all that I must.
She wouldnt believe me if I said I was sorry..
I've said it too many times, and then hurt her again...
But I do love her, and want her as a friend..
I never meant to hurt her, I never mean to..
Everytime something happens, I take it out on here... I make her out to be the bad guy.. and I hurt her all the time, I yelled at her, when it wasnt even her who did it..
it was me.. I shouldve opened my eyes...
But, now it's too late......
Better off dead
-Yawns-
I'm tired.
Tired of drama.
Tired of trying.
Tired of hurting everyone.
FUCK!!!!!
I feel numb, like it matters, people will just be like" she acts like shes the only one who feels numb and sad!!"
Whatever:
Im done.
True friends are not real, they act like it, but they are not fucking real, I'm not staying on this site, it's shit.
So, maybe I did have a problem, but, hey! I won't talk about them anymore, who knows I might bring someone down, oh no, already did.
....
...
I don't know what to feel anymore..
I fell for someone and I love him so much...
Yet, I'm crushing on her.. It's so different.. I've never felt this way about a girl.. ever... I guess i'll just have to forget those feelings and remain, I mean, I love my boyfriend, I do, and i feel like a slut for saying these things, but I'm not going to lie, I fell for a girl, and confused her.. and I hurt her.. and I regret it all:(...
You are the air in wich I breath, one of my closest memories, yet not to far away, so sweetheart, won't you stay. We've asked you time and time again, because you are our great true friend, so stay with us and keep believing, there will be noone decieving you, and if you want to, you've got me, and all your friends on here, there's no need to shed a tear we'll do, anything to see your eyes light up, when you smile^.^ so please just smile, I love you<3
It's not my best and for that I'm sorry.. but I love you Shanelle:)
I ish happy!!
I has my buddies and I don't need anyone else:):)
Made a choice yesterday,and I hope my friends can learn to accept it.
I don't like fighting with people nomatter what they've done in the past, I like to make things better...
God, people are so fucking irritating sometimes.
I said I was ugly, I didnt fucking talk shit about anyone.
and I have people bitching at me and telling me to stop causing drama, since when is caling yrself ugly a thing that causes drama, it isnt, honestly I should write in my diary more often, it's better than fighting with idiots all day.
I feel like I cant say anything without someone going completely fucking insane, and then for the last month or so, I've had to deal with "effexxxor" and it's like dude seriously, I'm sick of her, and I havnt said shit to her, if I was that immature i would sit around and toss insults back and forth but I am not. Sometimes I do say stupid shit, but I am not a little child and I'm sick of people acting like I am. I love my friends alot, they rock especially[ShanelleRenee],[Ritsuka-Kun],[wolvie],[MON CAUCHEMAR CHIMIQUE] Jonathon, and others and it's like I love them, but I am getting so tired of this site. There is really too much drama on it.
I've been feeling so different lately..
It's not bad, just different.
Happier, more giggly...
O.O
and sorta.. ghetto...O.O
Oh naaaaaooooooo
WHY DOESNT EVERYONE ELSE JUST GET PISSED AT ME COME ON I DONT FUCKIN CARE ANYMORE
Well!
I'm really happy.. I made a new friend like a week and a half ago.. and omg.. She is so fucking amazing.. I could not ever imagine life without her, she's so wonderful, I mean god, alot of people have been treating her really bad, but I've been there for her, and I always will be she's so great to me, and she makes me feel so confident..[poopbucket] is her username, and she's my bestfriend:) I love you sweety, since I met you things have been going so well, and even though, there was a fight, I still love you so much, and nothing will ever change that.:) Bestfriends^^<3
Written about Saturday 2008-11-08
Written: (5859 days ago)
These are some poems that I wrote after my father left me and my mom and brother.. They mean alot to me..
Stand Alone
I am waiting for the day when you come home and tell us you love us. I sit there thinking you'll be back...until then I stand alone...I know you're thinking...but enough, just do it, come back please. Make the pain go away. Make my smile reappear...jus
Lost Memories, Forgotten Love
Why'd you run and hide? Now I must divide the pain I have inside. It kills me to see that you aren't well, but what can I do? I was your little girl but now you've shown me that means nothing. Your careless ways have led you on a path to no success and the most of the depressed. You have proven that you don't care even when you say you do. We see right through your hungry lies and now you live in your own self infested world. Your eyes show your pain even when you say you have none....I see through you and all your lies, most of you I now despise. It's as if I don't know you anymore, as if you have been gone so long....I lost all memory of the use-to-be's. I think of all the happy could-have-bee
Cold Room
Since you left this is now an empty, cold room. No point in sleeping there...tears fall. Some days they never stop. One day turns into one week, one week turns into one month, one month turns into one year. One year becomes forever. I hate forever...it never ends. Just like the tears that slowly run down my face and fall to the floor. Now everything is like the cold room...so empty, cold and dark. Too sad to be in but so sad you never leave. I have scars on my arms for each time I cried since you have been gone...It's sad there are too many to count, I guess that means something. You being gone destroyed my life. The room of which I speak is me...ever since you left I became cold, empty and dark. My life is now like a cold room.
Holding Back The Tears
Sitting here alone...rememb
The brighter side, which you dont see.
So you say that you still care, that you still love her. Do you dare? If someone asked for your honesty honestly could you say you never hurt her? do you understand what you've done? do you know the concept of torture? I dont think you do. As she holds you while you cry or while your sick feeling as though you could die? do you see the brighter side of every tomorrow. Will you ever understand, we love you and this isnt the end. How come it's so hard to accept the beautiful things in life. Why must you run and hide?! did you finally snap finally get scared a cowardly feeling you must have to bear. you tuaght me to be strong but look at yourself..your words were just lies..they had to be lies..If they're not lies then why are you gone, If you appreicate her, why is she sad? when she says that she isnt.. cant you see it in her eyes.. Cant you look deep enough to find the brighter side!..guess not..
Written about Saturday 2008-11-08
Written: (5859 days ago)
A poem by me..
Stupid fucker.
Dumb cocksucker
Take your time with what you say.
Judging others!
were all cowards your a god but you dont see
Lifes not a game.
People feel
Its hard to deal with somene like you
You treat us bad.
you make us sad.
were just a game, but you wont see.
thats not even half of what i think of him
youll never see..
What youve done to me..
what youve done to her..
there is no cure..
for the pain the insane feeling...
of slitting your throat your wrist just all of it..
I want to die..
she wants to die..
but now thats over and we dont cry
your alone.
jacking off to porn
and were happy poor poor boy..
noone will cry at your funeral...
because they dont give a damn
so fuck you!
You use used us!
We loved you!
You killed us!
Thats over.
Your not needed!
So goodbye,
Deceiver..