[~forgotten~]'s diary
She wouldnt believe me if I said I was sorry..
I've said it too many times, and then hurt her again...
But I do love her, and want her as a friend..
I never meant to hurt her, I never mean to..
Everytime something happens, I take it out on here... I make her out to be the bad guy.. and I hurt her all the time, I yelled at her, when it wasnt even her who did it..
it was me.. I shouldve opened my eyes...
But, now it's too late......
Better off dead
-Yawns-
I'm tired.
Tired of drama.
Tired of trying.
Tired of hurting everyone.
FUCK!!!!!
I feel numb, like it matters, people will just be like" she acts like shes the only one who feels numb and sad!!"
Whatever:
Im done.
True friends are not real, they act like it, but they are not fucking real, I'm not staying on this site, it's shit.
So, maybe I did have a problem, but, hey! I won't talk about them anymore, who knows I might bring someone down, oh no, already did.
....
...
I don't know what to feel anymore..
I fell for someone and I love him so much...
Yet, I'm crushing on her.. It's so different.. I've never felt this way about a girl.. ever... I guess i'll just have to forget those feelings and remain, I mean, I love my boyfriend, I do, and i feel like a slut for saying these things, but I'm not going to lie, I fell for a girl, and confused her.. and I hurt her.. and I regret it all:(...
You are the air in wich I breath, one of my closest memories, yet not to far away, so sweetheart, won't you stay. We've asked you time and time again, because you are our great true friend, so stay with us and keep believing, there will be noone decieving you, and if you want to, you've got me, and all your friends on here, there's no need to shed a tear we'll do, anything to see your eyes light up, when you smile^.^ so please just smile, I love you<3
It's not my best and for that I'm sorry.. but I love you Shanelle:)
I ish happy!!
I has my buddies and I don't need anyone else:):)
Made a choice yesterday,and I hope my friends can learn to accept it.
I don't like fighting with people nomatter what they've done in the past, I like to make things better...
God, people are so fucking irritating sometimes.
I said I was ugly, I didnt fucking talk shit about anyone.
and I have people bitching at me and telling me to stop causing drama, since when is caling yrself ugly a thing that causes drama, it isnt, honestly I should write in my diary more often, it's better than fighting with idiots all day.
I feel like I cant say anything without someone going completely fucking insane, and then for the last month or so, I've had to deal with "effexxxor" and it's like dude seriously, I'm sick of her, and I havnt said shit to her, if I was that immature i would sit around and toss insults back and forth but I am not. Sometimes I do say stupid shit, but I am not a little child and I'm sick of people acting like I am. I love my friends alot, they rock especially[ShanelleRenee],[Ritsuka-Kun],[wolvie],[MON CAUCHEMAR CHIMIQUE] Jonathon, and others and it's like I love them, but I am getting so tired of this site. There is really too much drama on it.
I've been feeling so different lately..
It's not bad, just different.
Happier, more giggly...
O.O
and sorta.. ghetto...O.O
Oh naaaaaooooooo
WHY DOESNT EVERYONE ELSE JUST GET PISSED AT ME COME ON I DONT FUCKIN CARE ANYMORE
Well!
I'm really happy.. I made a new friend like a week and a half ago.. and omg.. She is so fucking amazing.. I could not ever imagine life without her, she's so wonderful, I mean god, alot of people have been treating her really bad, but I've been there for her, and I always will be she's so great to me, and she makes me feel so confident..[poopbucket] is her username, and she's my bestfriend:) I love you sweety, since I met you things have been going so well, and even though, there was a fight, I still love you so much, and nothing will ever change that.:) Bestfriends^^<3
Written about Saturday 2008-11-08
Written: (5863 days ago)
These are some poems that I wrote after my father left me and my mom and brother.. They mean alot to me..
Stand Alone
I am waiting for the day when you come home and tell us you love us. I sit there thinking you'll be back...until then I stand alone...I know you're thinking...but enough, just do it, come back please. Make the pain go away. Make my smile reappear...jus
Lost Memories, Forgotten Love
Why'd you run and hide? Now I must divide the pain I have inside. It kills me to see that you aren't well, but what can I do? I was your little girl but now you've shown me that means nothing. Your careless ways have led you on a path to no success and the most of the depressed. You have proven that you don't care even when you say you do. We see right through your hungry lies and now you live in your own self infested world. Your eyes show your pain even when you say you have none....I see through you and all your lies, most of you I now despise. It's as if I don't know you anymore, as if you have been gone so long....I lost all memory of the use-to-be's. I think of all the happy could-have-bee
Cold Room
Since you left this is now an empty, cold room. No point in sleeping there...tears fall. Some days they never stop. One day turns into one week, one week turns into one month, one month turns into one year. One year becomes forever. I hate forever...it never ends. Just like the tears that slowly run down my face and fall to the floor. Now everything is like the cold room...so empty, cold and dark. Too sad to be in but so sad you never leave. I have scars on my arms for each time I cried since you have been gone...It's sad there are too many to count, I guess that means something. You being gone destroyed my life. The room of which I speak is me...ever since you left I became cold, empty and dark. My life is now like a cold room.
Holding Back The Tears
Sitting here alone...rememb
The brighter side, which you dont see.
So you say that you still care, that you still love her. Do you dare? If someone asked for your honesty honestly could you say you never hurt her? do you understand what you've done? do you know the concept of torture? I dont think you do. As she holds you while you cry or while your sick feeling as though you could die? do you see the brighter side of every tomorrow. Will you ever understand, we love you and this isnt the end. How come it's so hard to accept the beautiful things in life. Why must you run and hide?! did you finally snap finally get scared a cowardly feeling you must have to bear. you tuaght me to be strong but look at yourself..your words were just lies..they had to be lies..If they're not lies then why are you gone, If you appreicate her, why is she sad? when she says that she isnt.. cant you see it in her eyes.. Cant you look deep enough to find the brighter side!..guess not..
Written about Saturday 2008-11-08
Written: (5863 days ago)
A poem by me..
Stupid fucker.
Dumb cocksucker
Take your time with what you say.
Judging others!
were all cowards your a god but you dont see
Lifes not a game.
People feel
Its hard to deal with somene like you
You treat us bad.
you make us sad.
were just a game, but you wont see.
thats not even half of what i think of him
youll never see..
What youve done to me..
what youve done to her..
there is no cure..
for the pain the insane feeling...
of slitting your throat your wrist just all of it..
I want to die..
she wants to die..
but now thats over and we dont cry
your alone.
jacking off to porn
and were happy poor poor boy..
noone will cry at your funeral...
because they dont give a damn
so fuck you!
You use used us!
We loved you!
You killed us!
Thats over.
Your not needed!
So goodbye,
Deceiver..
"His Heart" A poem by me
His heart out on the paper.
He told me how he felt.
How when he sees another guy talking to me it mkes his heart melt.
Just not in a good way.
He feels alone and unwanted.
Like he is nothing real, but baby what you need to know is that I am the real deal.
No guy will ever change that.
Nor will he change my mind.
This love bug hit me baby and I know that you are mine.
This careless feeling rises over you and you don't know what to do.
But as long as i am living doll, i'll always be with you.
these lies i've told before, have strangled you and burned you.
But i'll take away these sores and help you cope and hold you.
I may not be the best girl in the world.
But love me for me.
Because I could be the only girl left that will make you truly see
Written about Saturday 2008-11-08
Written: (5863 days ago)
'The Story Never Told' By me
I'm letting go.
though I need to hold on,
I need to be strong.
I need to know that I'm okay.
I'm getting rid of my old memories.
The things that bring me to my knees.
Those things that make me cry at night.
I said my goodbyes, I know it made you cry. I saw it in your eyes.
So why do we still fight?
It's all I ever do.
Nomatter what we've been through.
It ends in pain and tears.
Even after all these years
I'm letting go, though I need to be strong, I need to hold on, I need to save myself from hell
I need to survive, in this life, but its all so different from the way it was, the way it use to be, will you ever see, you were a part of meCause living only leads to death..and loving you wasnt for he best, and i'm sorry if you suffered from the pain, but now you know how it feels to lose what you once gained..Don't cry for me..When I'm gone.. it only hurt you to be with me, and you won't cry for not for too long, just wait and see, it's the last for me.
The pain and suffering..Fee
Poem by me
Hiding from reality, facing the insanity, what am I to do, it's hard to pull through. This life is just a myth, A butterfly kiss, these feelings are surreal, I'm a blurr, can you feel me? can you see my shadows on the wall, I'm hidden beneath the floors, trying to shine the light on life, so I can see your beautiful face, these tears arent saddness they're repressed, you'll never know, I'll never feel, this whole life was never real, I am the dream your hiding from, the name that you keep screaming, the nightmare that you see when you close your eyes, This is the life. This is my dream, My sorrow, inside i'm hollow, but do you see the truth in me, My lips can lie, but you see it in my eyes, Just trust me when I say that i'm going to be alright
Written about Saturday 2008-11-08
Written: (5863 days ago)
A poem by me
This fate
Scream for the pleasure, scream for the pain, scream for the memories that drive you insane. Bleed for the wilted bleed for the sore bleed for the selfish seductive little whore. Call upon the shadows of your memories and try to blend, this is the time, this is the end, can you feel it, coursing through you like ice in your veins, drugged up fucked up its all so fucking plain, the truth is in the lies, the blessed fucking tries at being happy, caress her and hope she'll grow up not so sappy, hold on to that dream, youve seen her arms and legs this bitch is done she's fucking through she's nothin but a slave, a blade for your fun and the loaded gun, all these things go through her like air she doesnt see it it isnt there. Would you? could you? save her life? Do you see the pain inside her eyes, it's hard to miss, one single kiss.
God, this song makes me cry so fuckin bad
Linkin park-leave out all the rest