If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds till."
A man once asked Chuck Norris if his real name is "Charles". Chuck Norris did not respond, he simply stared at him until he exploded.
Chuck Norris once shot a German plane down with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"
Chuck Norris appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
Wilt Chamberlin claims to have slept with over 20,000 women in his lifetime. Chuck Norris calls this "a slow Tuesday."
Chuck Norris can impregnate women with only a glance. He can also do this to men.
Chuck Norris does not use spell check. His spelling checks itself.
Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life there.
President Bush DID have a sure fire plan to end the war in Iraq, However Chuck Norris was busy that day.
Girl: "Forgive me father for I have sinned."
Priest: "What have you done my child?"
Girl: "I called a man a son of a bit**."
Priest: "Why did you call him a son of a bit**?"
Girl: "Because he touched my hand."
Priest: "Like this?" (as he touches her hand)
Girl: "Yes father."
Priest: "That's no reason to call a man a son of a bit**."
Girl: "Then he touched my breast."
Priest: "Like this?" (as he touched her breast)
Girl: "Yes father."
Priest: "That's no reason to call him a son of a bit**."
Girl: "Then he took off my clothes, father."
Priest: "Like this?" (as he takes off her clothes)
Girl: "Yes father."
Priest: "That's no reason to call him a son of a bit**."
Girl: "Then he stuck his you know what into my you know where."
Priest: "Like this?" (as he stuck his you know what into her you know where)
Girl: "YES FATHER, YES FATHER, YES FATHER!!!"
Priest: (after a few minutes): "That's no reason to call him a son of a bit**."
Girl: "But father he had AIDS!"
Priest: "THAT SON OF A BIT**!!!"
Boy: baby we need to talk
Girl: kyle, wat do u mean?
Boy: sumthin has come up...
Girl: wat? Wuts wrong? Is it bad?
Boy: i dont want to hurt u baby
Girl: *thinks* omg i hope he doesnt break up with me... I love him so much
Boy: baby are you there??
Girl: yea im here wut is so important??
Boy: im not sure if i should say
Girl: well u already brought it up, so please just tell me.
Boy: im leaving....
Girl: baby wut are u talking about?? I dont want u to leave me, i love you
Boy: not like that, i mean im moving far away
Girl: why? All of ur famliy lives over here.
Boy: well my father is sending me away to a boarding skool far away.
Girl: i cant believe this.
[FATHER: (picks up tha other fone, interrupts & yells furiously) ERiKA, wat did i tell you about talking to boys?!!!!!....Get off the d*** fone!! (And hangs up)]
Boy: wow ur father sounds really mad
Girl: u know how he gets, but anywayz i dont want you to go
Boy: would you run away with me?
Girl: baby, u know i would, i would do anything for u, but i cant... U dont know wut would happen if i did. My dad would kill me !!
Boy: *sad* its ok i understand i guess..
Girl: *thinking* i cant believe wuts going on
Boy: i need to give u sumthing 2nite b/c i am leaving on flight 1-80 in tha morning, so i need to see you now.
Girl: ok i will sneak out & meet u at tha park
Boy: ok ill meet u there in 20min
[They meet at a nearby park, they both hug eachother. And he gives her a note.]
Boy: here u go, this is for you i gotta go.
Girl: *tear* (begins to cry)
Boy: baby dont cry, u know i love you...but i have 2 go
Girl: ok (begins to walk away)
[They both go back home. And erika begins to read tha letter he gave her]
It says.....
Erika,
U probably already know that im leaving, i knew this would be better if i wrote a letter explaining tha truth about how much i care about you. The truth is, is that i never loved you, i hated you so much, u are my b**** and dont u ever forget that. I never cared about you, and never wanted to talk to you, n be around u. U really have no clue how much i hate you. Now that im leaving i thought u should know that i hate you b****, u never did tha right thing, and u were never there. I didnt think i could hate someone as much as i hate you. And i never want to see you, for the rest of my life, i will never miss kissing you like before, i never want to cuddle up, how we used to. I will not miss you and thats a promise. U never had my love, and i want you to remember that. B**** u keep this letter bcuz this may be tha last thing u have from me. I hate you so much. i will not talk to you soon b****.... Goodbye
- Kyle
[ erika begins to cry, she throws tha paper in tha garbage & crys for hours ]
....A day passes, she is sad, depressed and she feels so lonely.... Then she gets a fone call....
Friend: how are u feeling?
Girl: i just cant believe this happend i thought he loved me.
Friend: o, about that. Kyle left me a msg. A few days ago. He told me to tell u to look in ur jacket pocket or something...
Girl: ummm ok
[She finds a piece of paper in tha jacket, It says...]
Baby i hope u find this before u read my letter. I knew ur dad might read it, so i switched a few words...
Hate = Love
Never = Alwayz
B**** = Baby
Will not= will
........ I hope u didnt take that seriously because i love you with all my heart, and it was so hard to let you go thats y i wanted u to run away with me...
-Kyle]
Girl: omg its a letter, Kyle does love me!!, he must of slipped it into my pocket when he hugged me. I cant believe how stupid I am!!
Friend: lol ok but i g2g... Call me later
Girl: *happy*ok bye, i'll be at home waiting for my baby to call me !!
...... Erika turns tha T.V. on......
[Breaking news] "An airplane has crashed. Over 47 young boys died, we are still searching for Survivors...Th
[ she turns off the tv....3 days later, she kills herself, because of tha fact that Kyle was dead & she had nothing to Live for... ]
....A day after that the fone rings. Nobody answers. It was Kyle, he called to leave a msg. "Its Kyle, i guess ur not home so, I called 2 let u know that im alive, i missed my flight b/c i had 2 see u one last time. So i hope ur not worried. I am staying for good. Sorry if u got scared, i promise 2 make it up 2 u everything will be a be ok i love you so much...call me asap bye!
**~~NOW MAKE A WISH ABOUT SOMEONE YOU LOVE~~**
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*******SSSTTTT
NOW IF YOU REPOST THIS IN 276 SECONDS your wish will come true and you will get good incredibly good luck
When you repost this repost saying "IF YOU LOVE SOMEONE READ"
Guy: "Can we have sex right now?"
Girl: "Can we do what?"
Guy: "You know, can I be your first, finally?"
Girl: "Um.....no."
Guy: "Why?"
Girl: "Because, 1. you have a girlfriend, who happens to be my
friend......."
Guy: "So, if you don't tell, I won' tell."
Girl: "Besides that, I'm waiting for someone special. Someone that I want
to be with for the rest of my life to be my first."
Guy: "I'm not special to you?"
Girl: "You're my friend. That's all."
Guy: looks forward and keeps driving.
5 minutes pass.......
Guy: starts to run his hand up the girl's thigh.
Girl: moves his hand, "Don't touch me!"
Guy: tries to kiss her.
Girl: screams, "Would you stop."
Guy: continues trying.
Girl: moves to the back seat
Guy: parks on an abandoned street and gets in the backseat with the girl.
Starts to
kiss her.
Girl: pushes him off and scoots over, "Please, don't do this."
Guy: "Don't do what, I know you want it, I can see it in your eyes." Moves
over to her and starts to unbutton her pants.
Girl: pushes him harder and says, "No, don't."
Guy: getting aggravated, punches her and tells her to stop "playing hard
to get".
Girl: crying, continues to fight.
Guy: punches her harder, pulls her pants off, and holds her down.
Girl: screams as he penetrates her, "NO, please don't do this to me!"
Guy: puts his hand over her mouth.
An hour passes........
Guy: pulls back and wipes himself off.
Girl: sits on the corner of the seat, sobbing.
Guy: looks at her and says, "You better not tell anybody about this. If
you're really my friend, you won't tell anybody about this. You know I
love you." He reaches out his hand to touch her cheek.
Girl: pulls back,
"Just take me home, now."
Guy: says, "Alright." Gets in the front seat and drives her home.
2 months later.........
Girl: "Doctor, what's wrong with me. I haven't had my time of the month in
2 months."
Doctor: looks at her, "You haven't been having your "time" for a reason."
Girl: looks at him and says, "Why?" dreading the answer that she was sure
to receive.
Doctor: "You are pregnant."
Girl: faints.
The story gets out that she is pregnant, and people start looking to the
Guy. He claims that it isn't his because she was sleeping with every guy
in the school(which was a lie). He goes to her and tells her, "I'm telling
you, if you lie to people and say that I raped you, I'll kill you."
The Girl is completely devastated. First, he took her virginity and got
her pregnant....th
girl commits suicide
by drug overdose......
Girls, if this story touched you, repost it as "That's Fucked up"
Guys, if this story touched you, repost it as "I'll kill any fucker who
does this
if any guy or girl thinks this is funny then you are fucked up