Is anyone actually happy? I have spurts of happiness sometimes. Little pockets of peace that never last long enough. I can honestly only remember one day I have ever been completely happy. I wish I could remember what it felt like. All I want is to just be happy. That's all but its not so simple when your mind tortures you over and over and you can't forget no matter how many distractions you have you eventually run out. I want the pain to stop,I just want it over. Everything hurts and I am fucking tired of caring about everyone when no one seems to care enough to look beyond my fake smile and happy attitude to see the twisted disgusting person underneath.

ok lets see my dad hasn't worked in 2 months,hes in the hospital now cause his heart had two blockages,they put stints in and now he can't work for 12 weeks. All our bills are way way late,cable/phone getting turned off 2morrow,I got let go,can't find a frickin job anywhere,no ones hiring 16 year olds with no ged,my only pair of glasses broke, my bf broke up with me cause i didn't want to have sex and now hes going out with TWO other girls! then i started liking this other guy who said he liked me but hasn't called or picked up in two days,oh and this morning my fucking car stopped working! Just make it stop!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I feel like i'm drowning fighting so hard to breathe but I just keep going under