happy


that's a word that i rarely ever use cause i havent been truly happy in 10 years for 10 years i've learned that if you just fake a smile everybody will think your ok if you just act like everything is ok people around you will think everything is ok

i remember the last day i was actually happy it was my first day of summer vacation when i was 10 years old in 98 now every kid i knew loved summer vacation cause they got out of school for the summer but i loved summer vacation for one reason it ment that i got to spend 2 months straight with my grandma i loved that woman more then i did my mom since my mom was always at work i would spend time with my grandma she made sure i was ready for school she got me addicted to hockey and she was the first one to teach me how to be a man but on the first day of summer vacation my grandma had a stroke she couldn't control her body movements and she couldn't talk my mom told me and my sister to give her a hug and tell her that we loved her the ambulance took her away and later that day we got the call that she passed away. on that day i lost my smile and my best friend

ever since then i just didn't know how to smile i didn't know how to me happy and it just got worse when my mom died


why couldent it be me that died instead of you guys mom and grandma why couldent have been me

well today is not really a bitch fit because i've been sleeping all day and dont really feel to good but i've had this elfpack membership for about a month now and i've noticed some things


there are a lot of juggalos and juggalettes on this site not saying that's a bad thing i got a bunch of friends that are both but where are the maggots at come on people

the people i've already talked to on here are pretty cool so i already like it more then myspace i barely get a message on that site

i guess that's really all i've noticed right now so yea i know it's a short one again but what do you expect i'm tired

ok all you little mother fuckers who actually come on my elfpack thingy and read my blogs or diary's whatever there called (i like to call these my bitchfits) i got a new thing to bitch about it's my job

i work at a restaurant called Brio Tuscan Grille when i first got the job i loved it i work with some cool people (except the mexicans cause they cant speak a fucking work of english) my bosses are cool and the best thing i got paid a lot of fucking money every week but for some reason there cutting my fucking hours from working 40-50 hours a week i barely get 20 it's pissing me off cause now when i get my fucking paychecks i got enough to fill up the gas tank buy cigs for the week and that's it i mean come on guys fucking give me more hours.


not as big of a bitchfit as last time but i guess it will have to do for now