Hello diary. My supposed true love just broke up with me. But we decided to do the traditionally stupid thing and be friends. Because face it. I love him. More than he could ever imagine. And I know for a fact that he loves me too. We care for each other and need each other just as much as we did before, when we were together.
We walked for a long time last night (he broke up with me yesterday) and got out everything we've been needing to say. Really the only reason we broke up was because we both need to get our shit together. I just wish that we could have done it as a team like we do everything else.
He says that he is my life and he doesn't want it to be that way. He wants me to be more independent. He listed off all these things I need to do for myself. Like get a job and a car and be 18. All things that I CAN"T DO. It gets me really angry that all those things are the reason I'm alone right now.
I've been looking for a job since I finally got my permit a month or more ago. But becuase I live in the one state in the country with the shittiest economy and the least jobs available, I'm jobless. And poor. Which killed me when him and I were together becuase he always had to pay for things. When I did have money I spent it all on him. It was worth it. Worth his happiness.
But it wasn't enough. It will never be enough, I swear it won't.
I need to get out of this soul crushing house and live on my own. Even if it's in a cockroach infested apartment that may or may not have e coli growing in the darkest corners. I just need to get away.
I need so many things. A job. A car to get to said job. Money saved. A place of my own. All these things that are just out of reach.
It's so hard to keep a straight face and to deal with all this without anyone knowing I'm starting to sweat. All yesterday I had to struggle not to break down and scream and sob becuase I was just dumped by "the one".
And it's not like I'm one of those stupid teenage girl that thinks she found the one. I know I did. You just know these things. Him and I even talked about it. Though it was never said out loud, we both knew.
I don't know what I'm gonna do.
I really don't.