My Opinions

Life (Gratification and Sex)

Brought on by nothing more than a sore throat and an empty stomach.

You know? Sometimes. Life isn't all that great. In fact, it's a shit hole. Most, if not all, of the time. Your parents are irresponsible, your friends are judgmental, and school is just a bitch.
You have to wake up really fucking early 5 days a week, to listen to someone lecture. For 7 hours. Go home. And then try to prove that you were listening, when you weren't, to their fucking shit. And, how you work out in this environment, creates your WORLD. So don't fuck it up.
If you do ANYTHING, and seriously, anything, that your friends disagree with, you're screwed. 'Cause they aren't really your friends. They aren't really there for you. They don't really care about you. They care about themselves and what you do for their status. That's all this whole damn thing is about. Status. And so if you do anything they disagree with, you're done. Over. And you need to find a new security blanket 'cause yours just left you 'cause you weren't cool enough, or whatever. And your boyfriends and girlfriends are the same way. Don't think that they're ANY different. You are there for a label. Just there to help their status. And their sexual needs. Because aaall kids need sex! I mean, seriously, if you don't have sex, you will explode... No. Seriously. I'm not lying. All those virgins are though. Because it is FUCKING impossible for ANYONE to be a virgin in high school without being insane. Even though it is very obvious that our brains are NOT fully developed, that our BODIES are NOT fully developed, and that we as adolescence, were NOT made for SEX. We as adults were made for sex. Teenagers, not so much.
And then your parents. Oh boy, don't get me started on your parents. I don't care if they feed you, clothe you, and make you bathe. They don't love you. Never will. It's just the way it is. They don't understand. It's a different world, right? Now, parents have brought this upon themselves. Because the only reason WE don't think that they understand is because THEY refuse to let their kids know that they were anything less than perfect. Because they think that we think that if mommy or daddy did it, then it's okay for us to do it too. Even though, I've yet to meet anyone like that. But, whatever. So we go around with all these shitty ass problems and we don't go to them because THEY wouldn't understand. Because THEIR lives were just fucking peachy-ass keen. Nothing ever went wrong when they were around. And they never did anything wrong. Even though now, just fucking watch them, they do stupid shit all the time. They drink, they smoke, they fight, and they're all for status at work (although they never did that during high school). In fact, they're probably working with the same shit you are now. But they don't want to tell you. Because they're stupid. So yeah. And just watching them do stupid shit, you wanna smack them upside the head. But you won't. Because they're your parents and they feed you and you respect them (and if you don't then you need a good smacking. Be fucking respectful to your goddamn parents you stupid shits!) so you would never hit them. 'Cause that would be meeean...
So, yeah, life fucking bloooows... But, you know, fucking deal with it. Don't start your whining shit with your fake ass friends about how horrible your life is. And then OH MY GODS, start having a contest on who had the worst night. Grow the fuck up! Bitching does nothing more than piss people off!
Yeah, ironic right? I do it a lot. But, I have my reasons. Because I don't bitch to my fake ass friends. I don't talk to my mum. All I have in this great big world is me, and my readers. So yeah, I bitch. It's a diary. It's a diary on the internet (counter-productive? Yes) and I write it for nothing more than your entertainment. And if what I say pisses you off, don't read it.
But, anyway. Just, ignore all the shit that goes on. Because it could be worse. You could be terminally ill in a third world country, watching your brother die because you can't afford medication, and no one would ship it to you anyway. You could be an orphan, living on the streets. But you have your comfy little shelter, with your comfy little computer, with your comfy little internet, wrapped up in your comfy little blanket while people just blocks away die because it's too cold and they haven't eaten. Count your blessings bitches, 'cause it could always be worse.
So quit cuttin' your wrists, quit whining in your $70 pants about how horrible your life is. You couldn't drive your car to Hot Topic or wherever because you had homework that you didn't finish. At least you have a car. And you have clothes.

And guess what, you have an education.

My Opinions

My Values

I do not care if you do drugs. I do not care if you smoke. I do not care if you drink. I don't care if you get high every night before you go to bed. I do not care what you do to yourself. I do not care if you kill yourself... I'd rather you didn't. But it's your life. I do, however, care what you do to others. Do not make someone else do your crappy habits. And do not try to sway them away from theirs. We are all human (for the most part) and we all deserve to live our life however we want. So everyone just needs to leave everyone else alone. Quit "caring" about other people. Because you're just pissing them off that you're trying to undermine their authority over their life. Just, leave people alone. Do not kill people... Unless it's a face for an eye thing... Like, revenge... I don't like revenge. But I understand that if someone killed your Mum, you're probably gonna be a bit pissed... But other than that, leave people alone. And for you who killed his/her mum, leave people alone God you're such a fucking bitch!

That's all... ^=^ And I think that that goes with every other opinion I could possible have.

My Life

<.< >.> I bitch a loooot on this thing...

Why ruin a perfectly good tradition?

I wanna go back. I want to live in Longmont. I have nothing here. Nobody to care for me and lovel me. No one to tell me that I'm stupid and ask for advice at the same time. JM has left for Montana (not South Dakota, mind you). And I'll see him twice a year at best. Nekko will be gone next year, making Brit depressed. Brandon will be going to college next year... And everyone else is partially creepy. Partially mind you... My mom works in Longmont. Her boyfriend lives in Longmont. And every weekend, she's up in Longmont seeing him. But she absolutely refuses to move back... I have NO idea why. Everything is up there. None of us have anything here. Our lives revolve around Longmont. And yet we stay in this hell-hole!
I do not understand it. I was in Longmont just as long as I've lived in Loveland. And you'd think I'd "warm up" to it, as my mum used to put it by now. These have probably been the worst three years of my life... without the worst person in my life... What happens when he moves back and becomes over-ruling? In the worse place ever. I have no idea why I even try at life anymore. No matter what happens, things just get worse...

I don't belong here. I love the people... but this is not my home... I want to go back. Hug my friends. I love my friends. I love them so much. I shouldn't have to say good bye to them every time I go to see them, wondering the next time I'll see them. My support system shouldn't be in another fucking city!

I don't like myself. I don't like it here. I don't like the schools. I don't like the society. I don't... like... it.

My Life

He's left. I watched him leave. But it didn't really click. Didn't quite figure out that no one would be waiting for me at the park. No one would steal my internet or get all pouty when I didn't wanna cuddle with him. No one to watch play Halo 3 and stay an adamant Spyro fan. No one to say "I love you" and get the cold reply "Whatever" back. No wonder he wasn't sad when he left. Even told me he was happy he was leaving. He might not have meant it... but he probably did. It was all my fault. I wanted to tell him how much I was going to miss his smell. And instead I yelled at him for not having any pants on.
I don't think she cares for me anymore. I talked too much about him. She got her facts straight. She thinks we would be a bad idea. We probably would. But... it'd be nice. To be able to hug her as more than a friend. To play something more than pretend.
It'd be nice to go to sleep and know that someone loves you as much as you love them.

My life

I dunno man... it's all the same shit... I dunno what the hell I'm doing... about anything... and usually, it doesn't really matter. But I dunno. I've got a lot on my mind. And only two people influencing my life. I love them both... God I wish I could tell them. I wish I could say how I feel. How much they both really mean to me...
How, when he leaves, I'll cry. And I don't know if I'll ever stop. I'll wish him by my side and be so depressed when he doesn't come. The only time he's not there for me. He doesn't understand. It's not his fault. I don't talk. It's not what I do. But he's so... just... awesome... He's comfortable. He's a non-conformist. He's absolutely insane. But knows what's going on. We talk a lot, but I have something I need to tell him. It's really important, but I don't know how to do it. It'll be all awkward and weird. And the whole time I'll be thinking about how comfy he is and how every night, before I go to sleep, I think of him, and wish he were by my side, sleeping next to me, keeping me warm and all the monsters away. But I need to tell him something completely different. Or else she'll never talk to me again. I need her in my life. I need her worse than I need air. If she's not in my life for three minutes, I start to worry. I text her during class, just to make sure she's okay. She keeps falling in love with the wrong person. And it really makes me sad. I understand why... but I just wish I could somehow rewire her. Not because I want her. But because she shouldn't have to feel that pain. She really is a wonderful person. She's beautiful and doesn't understand how much she really means to everyone. She makes me so depressed. I feel like she's trying to tell me something. She always talks about how she's almost always so alone. And how she wouldn't be alone if it weren't for the fact that I was in a different town. And it hurts. It hurts real bad. My absence causes her pain. I wish it didn't.
So now I'm torn between the two. I love them both, almost unhealthily. I'm co-dependent on both of them, and their company. He's leaving soon, or should be. I really hope he doesn't... I'll never sleep as well... I left her... I wish I hadn't... I wish we'd stayed friends. All through-out that time. So that I wouldn't want to have moved at all no matter what. But do I really? I mean... if I hadn't moved... I wouldn't have met him... I'd still probably be in my other relationship, and my heart would ache for her but I wouldn't be able to do anything about it... Why does everything happen this way?

She's sleeping behind me. She left me alone. I picked her over him. I never see her, and I was beginning to miss her hair. It really is a very pretty blonde. She's had a long night. I couldn't go... I almost want to cry. I wasn't able to see her all night in her pretty dress. It's too low-cut. but I'd never get defensive about her. I'd just poke fun at the fact that her boobs were gonna fall out. She made it less though. That made me a bit more comfortable. She didn't dance with any guys. Just a bunch of her friends. It's really sad though. I bet everyone was secretly looking at her. In her pretty red dress. But she picked the one person in the room. The one that everyone hates. And he hates her. She picked the one person who just can't happen... It's enough to make you cry. You feel horrible. You want to help. You want to say that it'll pass. But it won't. She's been wired. Her heart's been given to him, and he won't give it back. I should go to his house and demand for it back. In anyway possible. My ex has no right. He needs to give it back. He doesn't even know he has it... she needs it though! More than he does! A lot more! And then she'd be able to give it to who she wanted it to go to... To who she loved... and who loved her back... someone who she deserves. Not some scum who doesn't even know what he missed.

I don't know where he is... or what he's doing... It'll either deal with video games or girls. I hope it's video games. I hope he's killing everything that moves. He's cute when he's determined. And he gets mad if you distract him. It's adorable. He thinks that I laugh at him. I'm really not. I just smile. How can I not? He just makes me so happy when I'm around him. I hit him a lot. It hurts when I do. I don't like causing him pain. But I stay tough. I don't say sorry. I sniff the tears back down and struggle to not kiss him better. I feel so bad when he apologieses. He's never done anything wrong. And then he's not happy. I wish he'd stay happy. I wish he'd ignore that I had hit him. I wish I hadn't hit him. He didn't do anything wrong.
You never understand how jealous you really are until you have the two most important people in your life, engaging in a nearly sexual manner, and you're just pissed off... you don't know who at, you don't know what about. But dammit her hands should not be down his pants. Her hands have never been down anyone's pants... So why is it now that her hands are down his? I haven't even done that...yet... at the time...
I don't think I'll ever get the two together again. I don't think I'd deal with it well. I'm apparently very territorial. Anyway, I have to sleep now. I was told to return early tomorrow... I hope I do... early enough. And at the right place. I wouldn't wish to disappoint him again. I don't take disappointing people easily.

My Life

Dude. I don't fucking know. I'm really tired... or am I? I'm in a good mood... or am I bullshitting myself? I need to figure that out. I'm whining to everyone except who I should whine to. And that fucking pisses me off. When did I become such a goddamn son of a bitch? Hm? Please, just answer me that. I hate people who bitch about their problems but won't do anything about it. And I do it now. I always have. God fucking dammit!

I'm ripped. Seriously... ripped to serious shit. Indifferent... Fuck that bullshit. No one's indifferent. It doesn't fucking make sense. Something always affects you in some way or another.

You people need to get a fucking life. Quit reading my bullshit. Don't listen to my whining. You don't know me. You don't know what's wrong with me. You don't know my pains. You don't know my joys. You don't even know my fucking name. Quit stalking me. Fucking talk to me. Don't be an ass. Don't play games. Don't fuck with my head. I'll fuck you up. Leave me the hell alone. But stay by my side. I love you. No I fucking don't! You shredded my heart. How fucking dare you. You ass! I would never say that... I love you... I hope you fucking die.

Quit reading my shit. Don't bitch to me. Fuck off.