I have some kinda sad member stats...ahhhh...I need to write more messages...really...-_-

...saw [Blade's girl] today...not on purpose...she snapped at me and then apologized...then accused me of stupid shit again. She doesn't know any of the things on my list of why she sucked as a friend...:

1. Like she said, I am mad that [Blade's girl] would never come over. And seeing her talk about ''plans'' and how thick headed *I* am...ugh. [Blade's girl] does not get to talk about ''plans''! She, who makes plans, then scraps them as soon as something better comes along. At least, better in her opinion. The last time I got [Blade's girl] to hang out with me was *January*. And she complained about my mother the whole time. The last time before that, was before I visited my brother! Summer! >_< July, or June! And she blames it on her *homework*?! Please! I'm a college student! She's a high school student! I get more homework than she does, and *I* can do it...!

2. The reason I do not talk to [Blade's girl] as much as other people is because of #1!!!! >_< So that means, that if she were half the friend [la vie lemon] is, then she would know more about me! I'd like her more too, if she were the one to do nice things for me, rather than Emily. (ex. when Emily and [Blade's girl] heard what a crappy birthday I had and how sad I was about not getting a cake, one of them got me a cake and one did not. Guess which one it was?)

3. The fact that [Blade's girl] does not listen to anything I do manage to tell her. Important things, too...like when I said I was cutting myself? I had to tell her three times before she remembered.

4. [Blade's girl] is a backstabbing crush-stealing bitch. (I told her I had ''feelings'' for a guy named Ben...after she told me that he told her (hehe) that he liked me. Two weeks later, I leave public school, and two weeks after that, guess which one of my supposed ''friends'' is making out with Ben at the homecoming dance? Yup. [Blade's girl].)

5. [Blade's girl] does not get to tell me that she is fine with me being gay, that I should "be who I want to be" and that "it's {my} decision" if that is not what she thinks! How do I know it's not what she thinks? Because she spent 35 minutes on the bus, asking me why I was gay! Comments like "you can't know for sure until you see {a penis}" and "why don't you say you're bi, instead?" and "why don't you have sex first, and then decide!" aren't appreciated either.

6. Also, who I tell about that is my fucking decision! I do not want every damn person I have ever talked to knowing, because that's what causes hate crimes! [Blade's girl] needs to learn how to keep her big mouth shut, for once!

7. Since when does [Blade's girl] get to control if I am still listed as friends with her boyfriend anymore?! She's not married to him! [Blade's girl] never will be, 'cause his family hates her! So I will keep my MySpace and Elftown relations with him, thank you.

8. [Blade's girl] should at least listen to what I have to say before she gets mad. If my other friends try to explain, she should not bite their heads off! [Blade's girl] was the one to tell [la vie lemon] to explain, in the first place!

9. [Blade's girl], if she is going to delete herself from my fanclub, should at least be considerate enough to fix the numbers of the members that joined after her, so that there is, in fact, a number 7 again.

10. She will never admit to being wrong, and will always try to make me feel guilty about even suggesting that she is.

11. She says way too much about her sex life. (I do not need to know that your boyfriend is too dumb to know how to use a condom...nor any of the grosser things that she has told me.)

12. She's controlling. (eg. ''I'm not going to let you have sex because you're not ready." It's like, excuse me? Are you in my fucking head?! No! So you don't know what the fuck you're talking about!)

My ex-"friend" [Blade's girl] wants me to play "diary wars" with her at Elftown...because I told her I didn't want to be friends anymore (and why) and blocked her. So [Blade's girl] started talking in her diary, apparently still confused as to why she and I can't be friends anymore. She thinks that I am mad over nothing, just that I can never get her to come to my house, and that she made new friends when I left her school. Argh.
"we were friends until I haven't gone up to her house like she wanted, most of the time I had plans, but I guess she couldn't get that through her head, or I just didn't feel like going out" she wrote. "she won't let me regain something that was lost because somehow I caused her some stress in her life that I don't know about so I'm confused, what fucking stress did cause you?"
I just love how she switches between talking to other readers and talking to me...and how she is trying to blame it on me.
Also, when my friend [la vie lemon] (she's that here too, right? o_o) tried to explain it to her, [la vie lemon] got her head bitten off! WTF she was tring to be nice! And [Blade's girl] is the one to ask [la vie lemon] for help understanding! >_<

Oddness. It's, like, 75 degrees farenheit today, and some (assuming it's a girl here...it's a really girly scarf >_>) hefer stole it because I left it alone in the computer lab when I went to be courteos and take my phone call in the hallway.

http://www.crush007.com/love.cgi?id=1140080210zsg

Why do I keep hitting myself on the head with a hammer? ...Because it feels so good when I stop.

An elder Cherokee Native American was teaching his grandchildren about life. He said to them, "A fight is going on inside me...it is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves.
One wolf represents fear, anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.
The other stands for joy, peace, love, hope, friendship, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith.
The same fight is going on inside you, and inside every other person, too."
They thought about it for a minute and then one child asked his grandfather, "Which wolf will win?"
The old Cherokee simply replied, "The one you feed."

I have just one thing to add to my diary from ET...OMG I knew! I didn't want to go to ET today, but I kept myself on because of a general you won't go on tommorrow feeling. Then, ET's message base thingy crashes!

This is why I need some help with my powers. I need to identify which ones are real and which are paranoid thoughts, and how to control them.

They killed Wesley!! Again!!

(if you know what I'm talking about, and feel the feeling of same injustice, MESSAGE ME!!)

;_;

Some guy hit on me when I was on the bus...because, you know, college student = 18 years old. *rolls eyes* I got a full scholarship at MC, and the campus I wanted too ^_^ Today was the last day that we were allowed to pick up our materials, so I had a bag and a backpack full of books and mechanical pencils and paper and things...in the snow.

Still happy though!

'There is no good and evil, there is only power...and those too weak to seek it.'
-Quirrel