[ShadowSong]'s diary
Written about Monday 2005-10-31
Written: (6964 days ago)
where have they taken me?... where now can i turn?
not kidnapped by force, but by my own decisions
i let myself be guided by greed, by loss, by anger
by circumstance, by pride, by lust, by guilt
and in such choices, i have built my own distruction
a great and hidious beast it is...
both powerful and aware of all my flaws
and yet i find myself sitting..
observing this evil thing that i have created...
as it tears down those people i love, those i hold dear
as it pulls me further from the near past..
into my near dark future...
one of pain and regret, of loose and sorrow
why have i let it become such a monstrosity?
why have i chosen to ignore it's presence till now?
why do i choose to let it continue to control me?
these are the kinds of choices that made it
i chose to let what was once a small shadow in my soul
become a truly massive, distructive entity..
one that surpasses my own emotion understanding.
one that carries me along like a great dark wave
inside of me somewhere must be the answer..
it has to be... doesn't it?
don't all things the like of this have a solution?
a shining, heroic point of understanding?
one that will come forth.. present it's self to me..
and serve to arm me in my stuggle to vanquish this thing
but as i await this wisdom..
i am further intrenched by my choice of inaction..
in letting time pass.. in waiting..
i have once again impowered my burden...
let it pull me further into the abyss of my dispair...
i must make a choice...
for indecision in it's self is a choice
but will my action; or lack there of.. help or hinder me?
Lost Inside Myself
i posses a selfish knowledge
i posses a selfish pride
i am filled with foolish longings
i have a sickness deep inside
and when you look at me- look at me
can you see my flaws
when you look at me- look at me
can you see the cracks...
...in my really
i am traped inside my habits
i am trapped inside my mind
i'm inprisoned in feelings
in dreams i cannot seem to find
...a song in progress...
28 Ways to make a girl smile...
1 Tell her you think shes beautiful, not hot or fine or sexy.
2 Hold her hand at any moment, even if its just for a second
3 Kiss her on the forehead
4 Leave her voice messages to wake up to
5 Always tell her you love her, at any and all times.
6 When shes upset, hold her tight and tell her how much she means to you.
7 Reconginize the small things, they usually mean the most
8 Call her sweetie and baby
9 Sing to her, no matter how horrible your voice is
10 Pick her over your guy friends, and especially girl friends
11 Write her notes, she LOVES them
12 Introduce her to family and friends as your GIRLFRIEND
13 Play with her hair
14 Pick her up, tickle her, play-wrestle with her
15 Sit in the park and talk to her
16 Tell her funny jokes, tell her stupid jokes, just tell her jokes
17 Throw pebbles at her window in the middle of the night, just because you missed her
18 Let her fall asleep in your arms
19 Carve your names into a tree (but then plant a new one together for the damaged you caused)
20 If she's mad at you, kiss her
21 Give her piggy back rides
22 Buy her ice cream
23 Treat her the SAME around your friends as you do when you're alone
24 Let her take as many pictures of you as she wants
25 Look her in the eyes
26 Slow dance with her, even if there isn't any music playing
27 Kiss her in the rain
28 If you're in love with her, TELL her
An elder Cherokee Native American was teaching his grandchildren about life. He said to them, "A fight is going on inside me ... it is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves.
One wolf represents fear, anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.
The other stands for joy, peace, love, hope, friendship, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith.
The same fight is going on inside you, and inside every other person, too."
They thought about it for a minute and then one child asked his grandfather, "Which wolf will win?"
The old Cherokee simply replied..." The one you feed."