part 2
Everyday the pale white walls cave in, i can see them crack, the flaws getting bigger and bigger. over time they fall not letting me free; but closing me in tighter. Windows don't look out into the beauty of the world but to hell. I see the world in such a different way, the the trees grow isn't the age of wisdom but the age of death. Roses die, the sky falls when the clouds cry. red is brighter than yellow, tears are a stronger emotion then laughter. My pain is real, it's perfect.
  God is an exscape from the fear or death, he is the happieness in the after life, the world is a test, the best person we can be buys us aticket to heaven, utopia. We will be punished if we are bad, hell is where we will be torchured for eternity. I will welcome eternity, if it exsists. Or i will die and become nothing, either way i don't mind; but the choice of living or dieing is taken from me. i can't remember the last time i didn't want to cry and I ca't remember the last time i did. I found new ways to cry, at times its crimsom or comes at the bottem of a whiskey bottle. Maybe if i pretend to be happy and okay, I can get out.
  Why is it that the ones who understand reality get punished and sent away, I wanns go home, i want a home.

Part 1
Don't you find it funny, when your broken, you would rather hide in a dark corner on the hard floor, then cuddle in a warm bed? Somehow it makes sence even if others can't see why. So I sit here everynight holding myself tight, maybe if I stay quite, no one will notice me.
  But when day breaks, I have to think of a reason to get up and finally when i do, I find relief in the way others hide behind the same mask I do , and I am not the only living dead around.
  Things happen in life, that will never be explained, and that's what hurts so bad, wanting an answer and being denied the brivlage. I will never know why you ever left me and why you said you loved me or even why i wasn't enough.
  I remember that day so vividly, I play it over and over, I always find ways we could have saved us, or how I could have saved us, or how Icould have done better; but I'm stuck with the consiquence of being me.
  i was everything to you, I was your sun, your shinning star, every breath you took I was that air, the beat of your heart, so you told me. I find it ironic though cause you are my everything but in a more vindictive way. You are my tears, my pain and open wounds, you're every lost breath, every lie, every broken promise, the heart ach, screams, terror. You are every let down that the would can;t take, you are my flaw.
  You told me i'm so broken that you can't fix me, you can't love me anymore. I'm just not who you are. AsIfell to the ground you held me hand, and told me everything was going to be just fine. I handed your ring back, tears empting threw my eyes. you told me no, keep it, cause i should alwaysknow I was once loved. You slipped it back onto my finger, and I could feel everything inside my breast shatter. he was so calm, I could never understand that moment. The world should have stopped, the sun should have burnt out and the stars fallen from the sky, the birds should have died and the flowers too. How could the world keep going, why did people laugh and sing, when my everything is gone. When you walked away I waited for you to come backand pick me up off the ground, you left me. When did you stop caring about me? I'm crying and you're not drying my tears, I scream and you're not there to calm my fears, I'm alone.

My friends may help push the walls back into place
My family has been there to help finish the race
My boyfriend holds me like he will never let go
They all make my life feel right even when itâ??s going slow

But then my friends start to see the cracks in the wall
My family pushes away they think I must stand tall
My boyfriends canâ??t always be in the zone
And I find myself standing alone

I guess when you said forever you meant awhile
I think i knew all along i was just in denial
My forever meant for all time
But you could leave me at the drop of a dime

I hope you know that I love you
before i went out with you theres a few things i wish i knew
that you would destroy my heart
tare my soul apart

I want my everything back
I want you to fill up the cracks
i want to be happy
I want to be the old me

i want my forever to end today
i no longer have a reason to stay

I don't want the world to see me
cause i think they would disagree
i don't think they could understand
this isn't the life that i had planned

everything feels broken
there are to many words unspoken
air barley escapes from my lungs
and i feel that i speak in a foreign tongue

i don't want to go on when its hard
i cant let anyone in i put up my guard
i am so scared to see you
talking of me is a taboo

and i don't want the world to see me
theres things they just cant see
the open wounds that don't hurt me
the simple things that set me free

I was never told how hard this was
i am so scared that you will see all my flaws
the cracks and imperfections
everything has gone in the wrong direction

i feel pain but i am not sure if i care or if i like it
suicide is something i could not commit
i don't forget the world could forgive
but i am not sure i am going to survive

My white flag is soaring high
i am giving in
hold my flag in the red sky
plant my feel in the bloody soil
thrust my sword into the dirt
leave me lying here
i cant handle the hurt
i cant feel
let the vines curl around my body
the moss grow around my feet
cover my eyes so i no longer see
i want to be blind from all the hate
take my heart from in my breast
bury it in the dirt
lay my soul down to rest
i surrender
i am no hero
i am no one
i hate this world so
take me away

Seems as if my moon has fallen from the sky.
The stars no longer look as high.
The fish no longer swim in my ocean.
My rivers have no motion.
Grass no longer grows upon my hill.
The leafs on my tree don't blow they stand still.
The birds no longer sing, they cry.
My angel's wings seem to be broken for she can no longer fly.
My love has been broken.
Everything has been taken.
My day could be night I'm not to sure.
My life is just one big blur.
The thing is i don't care all this has happened.
I don't think my heart could mend.
Don't shine for me moon.
stars fall from the sky, there was not enough room.
The fish can go belly up.
I don't care that the river us as still as water in a cup.
I hope the grass dies and the roses too.
I want the birds to fall down.
I want my angel to hit the ground.
If these words just pass you by.
I will put it in simple words.
I JUST WANT TO DIE!!!
 

Today i am fine with out you
i have started a life that is new
i no longer drink anymore
no longer do i knock on heavens door
no longer do i see crimson red
i cant even think of the evil things you said
i feel no pain, no empty heart
i have created a great new start
i don't think of you every day
i don't wish you never went away
look at me i am doing great
there is nothing in this world that i hate
i no longer cry alone at night
even though i know there is a girl out there your holding tight
i get through the day without a doubt
to god i no longer shout
i don't miss you
your just something i knew
i can get out of bed
i don't wish i was dead
if i say these words and thats all i do
then maybe one day it will come true

A girl who has everything
a house she can call a home
a flawless future
but still feels so alone
the perfect boyfriend
always by her side
calls her beautiful and tells her she is loved
shows her off with great pride
finally happiness...so it seems
a girl can have everything and nothing
every one can love her
yet it seems happiness no one can bring
i will cry on the inside never out
i need nothing more
only silent tears, and a bright smile
loneliness is something i can always ignore

I dint really know how to explain
what i am
i am nothing to them
i don't fit in
i am crying within
i am trying
but i am slowly perishing
at night i weep
to myself i keep
we were born to over come
my god what have i done
my pictures have disappeared
as if i am what they've feared
i drop to my knees and cry
while everyone passes by
i feel as if i don't have a heart
but i know it's there cause it falls apart
it's as if it's hard to love me
as if they want everything i can't be
it cut Me skin clean
i then lost hopes and dreams and
everything in between
I'm never enough
or maybe your just to tough

I wait by the ocean
and spill out all my emotions
the waves roll in
the sea salt wind touches my skin
a close my eyes and a tear falls
living without you is living in thrall
I miss you
but to speak your name would make me untrue
I hear your voice within me
can you hear my silent plea
I want the sea to take me away
I wish for death everyday
all I feel is betrayal held back by a brick wall
I know youre everything that went wrong
your every sad song
even after all everything you put me through still I find myself waiting for you
 

I listen to the radio songs
all the preaches of their wrongs
heart aches and heart breaks
over stupid little mistakes
and everything they lack
nothing they can take back
minds torn apart
from feelings of the heart
the feelings of loss
and the paths they must cross
i finally know how they feel
this pain just wont heal
tears turn into a stream
whimpers into a scream
faith in to hate
death is what we await
self destruction
thoughts turn into action
the radio does not lie
the songs are my way of good-bye
death doesn't feel so cruel
for love was only brutal

For all the times i have been down---- nothing compares to what i see when i look around-----it hurts so much i don't know what to do-----you're still there, but you do't understand, i need you---- i cant breath
i just want death
I'm drowning in a river of tears
and still nothing appears
i cant sleep i cant eat
all because you think i would cheat
you can't look into my eyes
i have become everything you despise
you hesitate to hold me
you wish to let me free
I LOVE YOU!!!
i really do
i didn't do it
there's nothing to admit

Hopes and dreams may slip away
a summers day will never stay
tears will be shown
i will always feel alone
at times i will feel so depressed
i will want to put myself at rest
things will always go wrong
but life will go on
my heart has been broken
i have shown a fake grin
i have tried to end it all
but at the end of a great fall
the sun does shine
everything looks fine
my heart heals
and i start to feel
no matter how hard things seem
no matter where I've been
i know one day
everything will be OK
 

I'm lost and alone
no place to call home
I'm so afraid
so scared to fade
I've never needed a friend like i do now
so torn and i don't know how
you walked away
left me with nothing to say
hopes and dreams are broken
my heart is black and lonesome
i lost everything that exists
did anyone even notice
I've never needed a friend like do now
so torn and i don't know how
you walked away
left me with nothing to say
what did i do wrong?
i was never strong
I'll hide everything that bothers me
so things will go back to what it use to be
because i never needed a friend like i do now

A brave girl never cried
she smiled like there was nothing to hide
she followed her dreams
never ripping at the seams
a brave girl brightened everyones day
on a dark night in may
she was no where to be found
for they laid everything she believed in the ground
a smile did shine but it was fake
she seemed fine but her heart did break
never would this brave girl admit
that the pain had hit
silently crying in her room
quietly praying it would be over soon
a brave girl could not break down
so she would fall apart when no one was around
her mother held her tight
and whispered don't give up the fight
tears ran down a brave face
no longer did she feel disgrace
her heart did ache
her soul did break
"i know i let you down"
she whispered with a frown
"i don't want to cry
i don't want to say good-bye."
a brave girl looked at her mother so unprepared
she said for the first time in her life
"I'm scared."

We found her note
And this is what she wrote
"I'm sorry
Everything was so scary
I woke up today
Everything was dark and Grey
You didn't do anything wrong
I just wasn't strong
I'm sorry for the mess
I'm sorry if i make any distress
Sorry it had to end like this
I just couldn't exists."
The day we laid her in the ground
Loneliness is what we found
I dint understand how she felt so alone
If i had only known
So young to be lost
Her youth just tossed
Hear the words that i have to say
My note will be writing one day
One day i will join you
and the world would have lost two

I will stand out
While you stand down
I'll shout out
while you conform
I'll stand tall
As you stand back
I'll watch you fall
as I stand still
I'll break all the rules
As you bow down
your everybody's fool
But in the end
I envy you

Love yourself for who you are
and you will get far
eat something and forgive yourself
beauty is not as important as health
beauty is whats on the inside
thats something you cant hide
i know you feel guilty
eating makes you feel filthy
you can make it through this
theres so much that you will miss
being sick and feeling faint
you shouldn't be in this state
if only you saw what the world sees
then maybe it would give you a little ease
i know its tough
and you don't feel like your enough
if someone helped her
she would get better

A tear will silently roll down my face
wiped away with out a trace
i have fallen so far
I'm afraid to scar
darkness may fade away
but nothing perfect can stay
dreams come true
but to hard to pursue
my silent tear will not be shown
ill show others i have grown
act like my fall never hurt
i will have to convert
act like dreams don't end
then maybe a heart will mend

I know you`ll be gone a short while
but ill have to struggle to smile
to the sun we can run away
in its rays we could stay
playing on Aryans belt
telling each other how we felt
slide along the milky way
on the big dipper we could sway
but when dreams come to an end
all i can do is think of the nights we did spend
i will call out your name in the night
wake up and realize your out of sight
hold my hands out to a ghost
missing your touch the most
ill wait for you on my own
please don't hesitate to come home