today I broke my computer. eeeeeeeeeee excuse the random 'e's ...the 'e' broke off and Im tring to fix it. eeeeeeeeeeee im skrewed, the 'e' wont pop back into place. Dang it. And no, glue wont fix this problem, not glue, or tape, not even duct tape would work!.. yeah I know.. its that bad.

I'm at a low point in my life right now,
Eyes stubornly fixed on him.
No I dont feel sorry for myself,
For I know I will win.
Perhaps not the one I'm seeking for,
but one's heart I will treasure for my own.
Impaient for my mystery man to come and make me his own.
But the longer I wait,
The fonder I'll be.
When we finally meet.
(yes I gave up on rhyming... and spelling)

I had a really weird dream about robbing a store, but I was smart, I only took a lil bit of money and stuffed it in my pockets. And when the fuzz came, I got down on my hands and knees and pretended I was only a victum. Which worked, and then I went home, and Devin was there, cooking. And he was mad at me cause he hates it when people steal and lie, so I was sad that he was mad, and thats when I woke up. 

Dang! Why couldn't I be 14 like the rest of my friends? Now theres no chance in hell that I'd ever date Devin. D: I know, Petifile. I am, ..well not really cause I cant help my age, and my mom is 3 years older than my dad, so I didnt think my age would matter, but I guess it does to a mom of a 14 year old son. And I see her poin of veiw. I wouldnt want my 14 year old son to date a 17 year old girl. I mean im practically a adult and he's barely a teen. But it really sucks to like someone and realize all hell and Earth is doing everything to keep you two away from each other. SUCKS! >.<!!! Majorly.

OMG! I can finally have a looonnnggg diary thing today! Im on a computer HECK YEs! But anyway...

Today I hung wih Devin, Ena, and Caitlin. It was fun, but first, Caitlin, Ena, and I went to B&N Bookstore, and I bought this book, and a small book for Devin since he couldnt be there. So after buying books, we sat outside for 2 hours, waiting for Caitlin's mom to pick us up.. and of course, I was jacketless. So i was freezing. D: But after her mom showed up, we went to the mall and met up with Devin. So yeah it was fun. I bought a DS game, and my friends bought me dots. Nom nom. ^^ I shared my dots with Devin, and of couse, being Devin, he didnt want to use his hands so I had to feed him. LOl I love him. But anyway. Yeah. Devin stole my book and I prolly wont see him until January 4th so blah.. I miss my book. But its all cool. ^^ First time in a long time I actually get out of the house and I hang with my buds. ^^ WOot woot! <4

I love how when I was finally sleeping, a dream was forming, and I was so warm and comfy, and snuggling with Bigdog... Thats when Mclovin starts barking. And of course I just kinda layed there thinking josh'll gettem. Moments passed and his barks became frantic. Thats when I hauld myself outta bed, no glasses, just caprees, and short sleeves. Grabbed his leash and my Gir shoes, and walked him in the snow. Fun. 

So I webcamed with Aiden, and saw the mountains all in the same night. ... We never could find that baby Jesus...

Best Christmas Eve ever! Today I showed Aiden the grand tour through my house, (Webcam) showed him the tree and my christmas stocking arrangment on the fire place. showed him my room, and all its messy glory. Showed him bigdog, and my shoes, and my make up station, and my christmas hats... and the hallway. It was fun. Next my bro and I went and drove around. We went to the mountains, got lost, almost got murdered by the hill-billies and did several illegal U turns and whatnot... it was amazing!

For the first time in a long time, I actually looked in the mirror and thought, "Wow, I look really pretty."

It's almost my aniversery. Friday, aka Christmas, is Bigdog's and mine's 12th aniversery! I'm so happy! (oh, please excuse the misspelling) 

D: dad
M: mom

Aiden,

I think I will take a vow of silence the 15th for the friendship we once shared. Or perhaps we still share? I haven't a clue. We don't talk, here or on the phone. We don't write, we don't even know one another anymore. The only thing that keeps reminding us of one another is the few things we gave to one another. A wall, full of eachother's notes and letters. Nicknackes. And I hope you still wear our friendship items. Cause I know I do. Everyday. I miss your face. Do you mine?

-your friend 

Ok! So I was talking to Devin on the phone, and we were talking about Demensions and telepathicy and what is de ja vu. And we came up with some pretty interesting ideas. Like every day is a different demension, and when you go to sleep, your spirit goes out of your body and your actual body teleports into the next dememsion aka: the next day. So when you wake up, thats when your spirit goes back into your body and yeah. No were not crazy, we just like to think. ;P

I'm sad. Not a-boo-hoo pitty me, I spilled my milk sad, but a real deep down sob until it hurts sad. Why? Well theres many reasons. Heart break, confusion.The lack of talking to my best friend, the realizing that your best friend and yourself's relationship really isnt how it use to be. Like how once a six hour talk turned into a 20 minute sit in silence chat. I dunno why im telling you this. Its not like anyone can change anything. Let alone care... :(

Devin,
You're sweet, cute, smart, witty, kind. You're a smart-ass, mean, rude, childish. You sometimes act dumb, you're a health nut. You're tall, funny, you make me smile. You have pretty eyes, and a nice grin. With the heart to match. You're creative, care-free, a dreamer, artistic. You're self-absorbed, foolish, cautious, and paranoid.You're crazy, wild, free-spirited, and so much more. But whatever you are, however you act, I like you for you. Nothing more, nothing less.
-your friend  

(con) For all the times she should of said, 'no.' The girl crawled onto her bed and cried herself to sleep. Wishing that once, once things would go right. Just once would life let her be happy. Just to know what's its like to be loved, and to be cared for. To know what its like to be in love.

The girl felt an unbarable sting of saddness as she spiralled into a mild depression. "What's wrong with me?!" she cried. Tears rolling down her cheeks, a sign of failure and weakness, she thought as she brushed them away angryly. What's wrong with me? Do I not deserve love, am I not pretty enough?' These thoughts burned into her brain as she silently weapt for all the times she was forgotten, for all the times she was all alone... (to be con.)

I dunno what but i think I sleep walked last night. Its odd cause when I fell asleep, the lights were out. I woke up, and they were on. I know it was me who turned on the light cause last time I sleep walked I turned the fan. (same light switch as the light)

Maybe some day i'll believe, that we are all apart of some little plan. But tonight I just dont give a damn. So shut your mouth cause if the world is ending, I'm throwing the party!

If you're alone, then in the end, we're all together in that too...

Cooking all day for Turkey Day since my mom cant. I guess i'll just throw on an appron and play cook. Stressful day, I can tell already.

i promise to call. watching a movie right now and im about to start cooking. Talk to you soon, okay fine ill let you listen to me babble in and out of english...again.. if you like.