I am going to be offline I think for a time....mom is turning it off I think....that way she can know more about what I do I guess....I don't know....yeah if your wondering yeah she yelled and griped me out again....thought she wouldn't do that again she say....doesn't really matter....she never really keeps her word to me....

....Once again I am down, I was doing better and feeling good....but that never last....if things keep going like this I don't know what I will do....its getting harder and harder to take it all....I made a promise once....to not die....and not kill my self....but....Z its hard to keep that promise....I am sorry for being down around you all....I am sorry for always being depresed and....I am sorry I failed every one.....I will still be here and live....but....I will let my self sufer though it all....I am feeling dizzy, sick, like I am going to through up, and not so great alround....I want to die but I know I have to stay for others....I don't live my life for me I live life for others....so as long as I know and remember I have friends....I won't die....as long as I CAN remember that there are thouse the like me love me and care about me....I will stay alive....but its hard to remember....I just wish I died again and stayed dead....but....I don't want to disapoint Z....or any of you guys....I love all my friends and I am so happy you guys are still with me....and if you can't take any more stress its ok....I understand I will still be your friend and you can come back when you can take it....just please don't every one leave me again.....*starts to cry*I can't take being alone again....I was alone for my whole childhood and most of my teen years....I have been alone up untell I was 16....and...I am 19 now so for about 12 years I was alone....please don't leave me alone....I couldn't take it again....it hurts to much....please stay and talk....don't leave me....don't forget me....don't kill me....don't pitty me....but please stay with me, help me, and don't hurt me....I have pain every waking and sleeping moment of my life....I get a few brakes though....please don't leave me....please stay with me....for my friends that like me more then a friend please tell me if you do....please.....it helps....knowing it....I will still live but I will live with all my pain....my mother and sister and father and family caused me this pain if you where wondering....I will try to keep eating but I don't know....I am loseing the will to eat again....bye for now...

Well this is my first one....well to all who read this....I am not doing so great right about now, for so long and for so many years I ran from something and it seems like I can't run from it anymore...but I wish I could run forever, I am happy to all my friends and thanks for caring or least acting like you do. To my friends who have my cell # and got a call from me in the past two days, my mom took up my cell and she may call you up and bug you or yell or something else SHE DOES THIS ON HER OWN AND ITS NOT MY WISHES THAT SHE DOES DON'T BELEAVE HER WHAT SHE SAYS, if she calls you tell me what she says. Don't worry about having me hate her for it I already do hate her and I have for a while a long while....I just wish I could do something but....I can't....I feel so helpless once again....Its a bit funny though....I can help anyone who ask with almost any and every thing....but when it comes to me....I can't....and I don't like to ask for help....I just want to run from my life again....but sadly I am out of breath and to tried to run anymore so I will stay here and see it though again....just like that one time....I just hope it doesn't happen like last time....