[1. At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses]
on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.
2. Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.
[3. Every time someone asks you to do something,]
ask if they want fries with that.
4. Put your garbage can on your desk and label it "in"
[5. Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone
has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.]
6. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sexual favors".
[7. Finish all your sentences with "in accordance with the
prophecy."]
8. Don't use any punctuation marks
[9. As often as possible, skip rather than walk.]
10. Ask people what sex they are. Laugh hysterically after they answer.
[11. Specify that your drive-through! order is "to go".]
12. Sing along at the opera.
[13. Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.]
14. Put mosquito netting around your work area. Play a tape of jungle sounds all day.
[15. Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you're not in the mood.]
16. Have your coworkers address you by your wrestling name, Rock Hard Devon.
[17. When the money comes out the ATM, scream "I won!", "I won!"
"3rd time this week!!!!!"]
18. When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot, yelling "run for your lives, they're loose!!"
[19. Tell your children over dinner, "Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go."]
20. Put this in all of your profiles
1. Write the name of a person of the opposite sex on a piece of paper.
2. Which color is your favorite out of red, black, blue, green and yellow?
3. Your first initial
4. Your month of birth
5. Which color do you like most? Black or white?
6. Name of a person of the same gender as you.
7. Do you like California or Florida more?
8. Do you like the lake or the ocean more?
9. Write down a realistic wish.
ARE YOU DONE? IF SO, SCROLL DOWN..
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THE ANSWERS
1. You are completely in love with this person
2. If you choose: RED - You are alert and your life is full of
love. BLACK - You are conservative and aggressive GREEN - Your
soul is relaxed and you are laid back BLUE - You are spontaneous
and love kisses and affection from the one you love YELLOW - You
are a very happy person and give good advice to those who are
down
3. If your initial is: A-K - You have a lot of love and
friendship in your life L-R - You try to enjoy life to the
maximum and your love life is soon to blossom S-Z - You like to
help others and your future love life looks very good
4. If you were born in: JAN.-MAR. - The year will go very well
for you and you will discover that you fall in love with someone
totally unexpected APR.-JUNE - You will have a strong love
relationship that will not last long but with memories that will
last forever JULY-SEPT. - You will have a great year and
experience a major life changing experience for the good OCT.-DEC.
- Your love life will not be too great, but eventually, you will
find your soul mate
5. If you chose: BLACK - Your life will take on a different
direction, it will seem hard for you at the time but it will be
the best thing for you, and you will be glad for the change.
WHITE - You will have a friend who completely confides in you and
would do anything for you, but you may not realize it.
6. This person is your best friend.
7. If you chose: CALIFORNIA - You like adventure FLORIDA - You
are laid back
8. If you chose: LAKE - You are loyal to your friends and your
love. And you are very reserved. OCEAN - You are spontaneous and
like to please people.
9. This wish will only come true if you RE-POST THIS BULLETIN on
your house within the next hour and it will come true before your
next birthday!!!!!!
Once upon a time
~~~~~~~~
in a land far away,
~~~~~~~~
a bâ€utiful, independent,
self-assured princess
~~~~~~~~
happened upon a frog as she sat
contemplating ecological issues
on the shores of an unpolluted pond
in a verdant meadow near her castle.
~~~~~~~~
The frog hopped into the princess' lap
and said: " Elegant Lady,
I was once a handsome prince,
until an evil witch cast a spell upon me.
~~~~~~~~
One kiss from you, however,
and I will turn back
into the dapper, young prince that I am
~~~~~~~~
and then, my sweet, we can marry
~~~~~~~~
and set up housekeeping in your castle
~~~~~~~~
with my mother,
~~~~~~~~
where you can prepare my meals,
~~~~~~~~
clean my clothes, bear my children,
~~~~~~~~
and forever feel
grateful and happy doing so
~~~~~~~~
while secretly taking pills to lessen the
pain of me beating you to death."
~~~~~~~~
That night,
~~~~~~~~
as the princess dined sumptuously
~~~~~~~~
on lightly sautéed frog legs
~~~~~~~~
seasoned in a white wine
~~~~~~~
and onion cream sauce,
~~~~~~~~
she chuckled and thought to herself:
~~~~~~~~
I don't fuckin think so.