well, i have lymph node after lymph node swelling up one right after the other, ...which isnt good, ....i know its more serious than what everyone else thinks, and i know that it will ultimatly claim my life, ....not sure when, but it will happen eventually, ...... why me?

Restless Heart - Bluest eyes in Texas

That lonesome texas sun was setting slow
And in the rear view mirror, I watched it go
I can still see wind in her golden hair
I close my eyes for a moment, and I'm still there

The bluest eyes in texas
Are haunting me tonight
Like the stars fill the midnight sky
Her memory fills my mind
Where did I go wrong? did I wait to long?
Or can I make things right?
The bluest eyes in texas
Are haunting me tonight

Another town, another hotel room
Another dream that ended way too soon
Left me lonely, prayin' for the dawn
Searching for the strength to carry on

The bluest eyes in texas
Are haunting me tonight
Like the stars fill the midnight sky
Her memory fills my mind
Where did I go wrong? did I wait to long?
Or can I make things right?
The bluest eyes in texas
Are haunting me tonight

For every heart you break, you pay a price
But I can't forget the tears in her blue eyes

The bluest eyes in texas
Are haunting me tonight
Like the stars fill the midnight sky
Her memory fills my mind
Where did I go wrong? did I wait to long?
Or can I make things right?
The bluest eyes in texas
Are haunting me tonight

NEWS FLASH

STEM CELLS FOUND ABUNDANTLY IN FAT!!!!

holy shit, us americans must be sitting on a goddamn gold mine of them,

with valentines day coming up, and people getting stuff for the ones they love, it makes me think, ...what if that is the reason we live, just to be loved, for one to feel the greatest feeling ever, a high that cannot ever be re-created in an artificial form, people search and search for love, when it finally finds them, they dont know what to do cause then it makes them think twice on wheather or not it is real, ....dont let that happen to you, ...live for the moment, but plan for the future, cause the moment you are in right now, and that is what deicides wheather or not you will have a future

Screw drivers and Electrical outlets make for a shocking expierence

This is life the one you get, so go and have a ball, because the world dont move to the beat of just one drum, what might be right for you might not be right for some, you take the good you take the bad you take'em both and there you have my opening statement,..... sit boo boo sit

Is your hog on drugs?
how would you know?
how could you tell?
look for these here warning signs
sudden weight loss
euphoria leading to paranoia
stealitization of your things
and jibbery style oinkery what make no sense at all,
warn your hogs about the dangers of meth, before its too damn late
im Early Cuyler and that concludes my court ordered community service

i dont know whats going on with me anymore, ..i keep having this weird feeling, like if i were to blink my eyes for even a split second, that time would literally pass by me, i have been having that feeling more and more that time leaves me in the dust, and i cant quite keep up with it, ....im not saying that im not going anywhere in life, im just saying that everything around me is going faster and faster, life passes by soo quickly now that its unreal, and me......it feels as if im left behind

well, if im not on here much anymore im sorry about it, my father is moving up north here in about a week, and i will have lost everything, im still gonna try to keep my head on straight, but i dont know how long i will last with that, but i did start crying earlier today, cause i have no other way of expressing it

In 1972, a crack commando unit was sent to prison by a military court for a crime they didn’t commit. These men promptly escaped from a maximum-security stockade to the Los Angeles underground. Today, still wanted by the government, they survive as soldiers of fortune. If you have a problem, if no one else can help, and if you can find them, maybe you can hire the…A-Team. 

song lyrics that really mean somthing,

All around me are familiar faces
Worn out places, worn out faces
Bright and early for their daily races
Going nowhere, going nowhere
And their tears are filling up their glasses
No expression, no expression
Hide my head I want to drown my sorrow
No tommorow, no tommorow
And I find it kind of funny
I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which I'm dying
Are the best I've ever had
I find it hard to tell you
'Cos I find it hard to take
When people run in circles
It's a very, very
Mad World, Mad World 
Children waiting for the day they feel good
Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday
Made to feel the way that every child should
Sit and listen, sit and listen
Went to school and I was very nervous
No one knew me, no one knew me
Hello teacher tell me what's my lesson
Look right through me, look right through me
And I find it kind of funny
I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which I'm dying
Are the best I've ever had
I find it hard to tell you
I find it hard to take
When people run in circles
It's a very, very
Mad World, Mad World
Mad World, Mad World

i love this song :D


I think I'll go down to the ocean
I think I'll go down and lie by the sea
Sit alone and watch the waves break
I don't think I'm ever going to leave
To leave, to leave

Find a girl that looks like an angel
Take her home just to be by her side
The kind of girl you'd love to marry
Someday to be your brand new bride
Your brand new bride

I think I'll go down to the ocean
I think I'll go down and lie by the sea
Sit alone and watch the waves break
I don't think I'm ever going to leave
to leave, to leave, to leave, to leave
to leave, to leave, to leave, to leave

Well I know I've got this mission
Things to do and things to say, every day
And if you give your heart permission
I know you'd feel the same old way
The same same way

I think I'll go down to the ocean
I think I'll go down and lie by the sea
Sit alone and watch the sun set
I don't think I'm ever going to leave
to leave, to leave, to leave, to leave
She'll be waiting by the shore
And I will be, I don't wanna be alone anymore

I think I'll go down to the ocean

Holloween will offically be one year to the day, that i was cured of cancer, one year ago i was literally fighting for my life, it almost seemed like it was just yesterday, just goes to show how much time has gone by since then, i remember ever single day in october lastyear, the days of going over to the cancer center in Kalamazoo, waking up early in the morning for chemotherapy, the third day of my treatment i awoke and the effects of the chemo hit me like a ton of bricks, i felt soo ill, i was freezing to death, the room was spinning, i was soo fatigued, i could barely hear over the ringing i had in my ears along with being tone deaf also so i was unable to hear certain pitches. the days seemed as if they would never ever end, i couldnt eat a thing cause the two meds they prescribed me didnt work at all, and i became very very dehydrated, i ended up in the hospital that night, and they game me a med through my saline lock that i had in my arm for the chemo drugs, during the course of my treatments, instead of giving me a port or a new IV everyday, they just left a saline lock in my arm, it was very uncomfortable, the reason that they decided to do that is cause my veins are very fragile and they have a hard time nailing one cause they will either dive under or they will blow easily, everytime they came to put my IV on i would have to take out a stick of strong mint gum to take away the nasty smell of the saline, im one of the very few people that are able to smell it, some people can taste it, but how i can describe it is that it smells exactly like wart removing acid, they put my on a steriod to help with my fatigue, you could tell i was on the steriod cause my face would soo red and flushed, it got hard to breath during my second course of treatment due to the fact of permanent lung damage caused by the strength of the chemo, so now i cant run for a long amount of time, or else i will passout, the chemo has caused my matabolism to skyrocket, it has knocked off my equilibrium so my balance is now bad, and i just found out that i have a condition from the chemo therapy drugs called "Chemo Brain" which makes it hard for me to think and causes me to stare blankly sometimes, other times i am in deep thought, but to tell you the truth about this, i miss it, i know it sounds crazy, but this obstacle brought my family together more than it ever has before in my entire lifetime, everyone i knew was pulling for me and wishing me the best to make it through, they were all cheering me on as i did my best to keep together during the whole thing, i will never forget that point in my life, this month will forever be a scar to me, but i will always look back upon it as a stepping stone in life, as an obstacle that tested my limits, to prove how strong i am, now its a year later and im proud to say that i have been cancer free for the past year now, i truly see it as the biggest accomplishment in my whole life now

this song says exactly how i feel everyday

Vertical Horizon- He's everything you want

Somewhere there's speaking
It's already coming in
Oh and it's rising at the back of your mind
You never could get it
Unless you were fed it
Now you're here and you don't know why

But under skinned knees and the skid marks
Past the places where you used to learn
You howl and listen
Listen and wait for the
Echoes of angels who won't return


He's everything you want
He's everything you need
He's everything inside of you
That you wish you could be
He says all the right things
At exactly the right time
But he means nothing to you
And you don't know why

You're waiting for someone
To put you together
You're waiting for someone to push you away
There's always another wound to discover
There's always something more you wish he'd say


But you'll just sit tight
And watch it unwind
It's only what you're asking for
And you'll be just fine
With all of your time
It's only what you're waiting for

Out of the island
Into the highway
Past the places where you might have turned
You never did notice
But you still hide away
The anger of angels who won't return


I am everything you want
I am everything you need
I am everything inside of you
That you wish you could be
I say all the right things
At exactly the right time
But I mean nothing to you and I don't know why
And I don't know why
Why
I don't know

we gonna have to damn shake the monkey one time on this sumbitch!!

i had a crazy-ass dream a few nights back, i was driving out on the highway with my mom and two other people that i didnt know, and all the sudden a storm comes rolling in out of the west, and then my mom says that we have to stop cause of the storm, and we came to the end of the highway and there was road running left and right and a gas station in front of us, then i decided to turn right, and then we started going through the country, and then out of nowhere i ended up in a gigantic area where there was nothin but stones and rocks like a quarry, ...well anyways, there was this house that was sitting ontop of like 2 stories of rock, with a sort of mine shaft-back door enterance, which my mother and i entered and it seemed like it would be dirty, well when we walked in further it turned out to be a clean stairway, surprising to me, then we got to the top of the stairs, and at that point a woman showed up at the back door in the house and answered it, then she invited us in, and when i walked in i was immeadiatly coverend in spider webs, and i looked around and spider webs covered the house and there were big spiders in them, and i got scared, so i started pulling the webs off of me and then we made our way to her living room and there was a dinning room chair in the corner to the left of me after i walked in there and that was covered in spider webs too, and the whole living room was full of them, then she told me to take a seat, and i started to grab at the webs on the chair and pull them away, and she said "just sit down, dont be afraid, it wont hurt you" and i sat down and all the sudden i got this weird feeling with all the webs caught on my then the spiders started crawling towards me and i got soo freaked out,....then i woke up

i noticed that i drink alot, i mean ALOT