I have a Wife.
We got married...
We got divorced.
We got married again.
Yet again, we got divorced.
This is how it went: Married, Divorced, Married, Divorced, Married, Divorced, and Married again.
And she's blaming me for the divorce papers that she MADE me sign...
lol
My Wife's name is Jennifer.
A man walks into a drug store with his 8-year old son. They happen to walk by the condom display, and the boy asks,"What are these, Dad? To which the man matter-of-fact
Men use them to have safe sex.""Oh I see," replied the boy pensively. Yes, I've heard of that in health class at school."
He looks over the display and picks up a package of 3 and asks, "Why are there 3 in this package? " The dad replies,"Those are for high school boys, ONE for Friday, ONE for Saturday, and ONE for Sunday." "Cool" says the boy.
He notices a 6 pack and asks, "Then who are these for?" "Those are for college men," the dad answers, TWO for Friday, TWO for Saturday, and TWO for Sunday."
"WOW!" exclaimed the boy, "then who uses THESE?" he asks, picking up a 12 pack!
With a sigh and a tear in his eye, the dad replied, "Those are for the married men. ONE for January, ONE for February, ONE for March....etc."
Foamy Curse!
From water to fire,
From earth to air.
Smite those who whisper,
Smite those who dare.
And those who offend
And those who disgrace,
Let the heavens above,
BLOW UP IN THEIR FACE!
i want this to work on someone... wont say who.
Why I hate Christmas...
by: Jackie Ruble
I lost my first love-- my best friend
On that day.
He warned me this was the end
And this was the only way.
I hate Christmas,
It's filled with happiness and glee,
But I could care less
No happiness for me.
Sure, there are presents,
But what's that to a human life?
I know he used to cut his wrist,
But was he in that much strife?
I was not crying--but pain was too much.
I was just sittig in my room
I found out that it was all too much.
I waited for my doom.
EAST SIDE!
WEST SIDE!
[OTHER SIDE!!!!]
w00t!
I hate to talk:
-- about my pain
-- about my past
-- to people who are trying to be like someone else
-- to myself
Breathe (2am) by: Anna Nalick
2 AM and she calls me 'cause I'm still awake,
"Can you help me unravel my latest mistake?,
I don't love him. Winter just wasn't my season"
Yeah we walk through the doors, so accusing their eyes
Like they have any right at all to criticize,
Hypocrites. You're all here for the very same reason
'Cause you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable
And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table
No one can find the rewind button, girl.
So cradle your head in your hands
And breathe... just breathe,
Oh breathe, just breathe
In May he turn 21 on the base at Fort Bliss
"Just a Day", he said down to the flask in his fist,
"Ain't been sober, since maybe October of last year."
Here in town you can tell he's been down for a while,
But, my God, it's so beautiful when the boy smiles,
Wanna hold him. Maybe I'll just sing about it.
Cause you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable,
And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table.
No one can find the rewind button, boys,
So cradle your head in your hands,
And breathe... just breathe,
Oh breathe, just breathe
There's a light at each end of this tunnel,
You shout 'cause you're just as far in as you'll ever be out
And these mistakes you've made, you'll just make them again
If you only try turning around.
2 AM and I'm still awake, writing a song
If I get it all down on paper, it's no longer inside of me,
Threatening the life it belongs to
And I feel like I'm naked in front of the crowd
Cause these words are my diary, screaming out loud
And I know that you'll use them, however you want to
But you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable,
And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table
No one can find the rewind button now
Sing it if you understand.
and breathe, just breathe
woah breathe, just breathe,
Oh breathe, just breathe,
Oh breathe, just breathe.
Here are some basic, yet important kissing tips
Great Breath - This is very important. Make sure you brush your teeth before going out on your date. There is nothing worse than kissing someone with bad breath. If your date consists of having something to eat before the actual kiss, make sure you have a mint on hand to take right after you finish eating. Don't take the mint just before the kiss or chew on gum. You don't want to have something in your mouth when you kiss.
Moist Lips - You want your lips to be slightly moist when you kiss. Run your tongue over your lips once before you kiss. Don't wear lip gloss because that tends to make the kiss too gooey. And don't wear a lot of lipstick unless you want your partner to wear it too after the kiss. Slightly moist lips makes it easier to move your lips over your partner's and gives both you and your partner a more pleasant experience.
Positioning - Stand close to your partner. As the two of you move closer together tilt your head slightly. If you can see which way your partner's head is tilting, tilt your head slightly in the opposite direction.
Close Eyes - Just before your lips meet, close your eyes. Some people prefer to leave their eyes open during the kiss. But until you know what your partner prefers, it is best to close your eyes.
Open Lips - Open your mouth slightly and place your lips over your partner's lips. Do not hold your breath! Breath through your nose. As your lips meet, press them gently over your partner's. You may wish to move your lips in a slow, circular motion or just leave them still over your partners.
Closed Lips - This is like the type of kiss you'd give your grandma or aunt. Instead of opening your mouth when your lips meet, keep them closed. This is also a good way of letting your partner know this is as far as it goes. It also makes a great hello/good-bye kiss or a great first time kiss if you're a nervous noob.
heh. that's true.
I AM: Jackie
I LOVE: Eric and my friends ^_^
I HAVE: fear
I HATE: people who are trying to fit in--posers
I MISS: my beloved
I WANT: to feel totally different
I FEEL: upset...
I WONDER: if my life is worth it any
I SMELL: cheeeeese
I LIKE: cheeeese
I EAT: cheeeeese
I SAY: hi!
I THINK: that i'm thinking...
I TRY: to be different
I HUG: my friends
I KISS: Eric... and my friends with "benefits" (girls)
I TALK: to everyone but family
I CARE: about Eric and my friends
I ASK: that you don't judge me until you know me
I NEED: love
I WISH: i was happier
I FEAR: that my life will end, and that i will leave the ones i love
I HEAR: voices in my head
I CRAVE: cheese
I SEARCH: for cheese in the refridgerator
I REGRET: not being true to myself
... there you go.
My Thoughts on....
God
Some people wonder if God is real? Well, it depends if you believe in "Him." If you don't... Then he may not be real.
I find that God is power hungry. He says that He is the one true God, and that all others are obsolete. He also says that you shouldn't worship inatimate objects. In the Christian religion, you plege your alegence to the Bible, and also to the cross. Do you find this odd? I do.
God also says that He respects other religions, yet He doesn't want you to worship the God of which comes with that religion.
That's why I changed my religion to Wicca.
By: Jackie Ruble
- * Funny Condom Mottos * -
Trogan:pleasur
Nike Condoms: Just do it.
Diet Pepsi Condoms: You got the right one, baby.
Pringles Condoms: Once you pop, you can't stop.
Secret Condoms: Strong enough for a man, but made for a woman.
Ford Condoms: The best never rest.
Chevy Condoms: Like a rock.
Avis Condoms: Trying harder than ever.
KFC Condoms: Finger-Licking Good.
Lays Condoms: Betcha can't have just one.
M&M condom: 'It melts in your mouth, not in your hands!'
MCI: for friends and family
Kix - kid tested, mother approved
Nokia -- Connecting People
[lol omg that is so funny! ^_^]
Here's an example of why I think that I have OCD:
If I were to touch one of my legs on something, I got to touch my other leg on it too, or on something, so that my feeling even out. If I don't, my anxiety starts again.
I have to touch something with both of my hands, or at least have something touch both of my hands--yet again, if i don't, my anxiety starts again.
... I'm really scared... I think that I have OCD-- Obsessive Compulsive Disorder... I have many of the symptoms of it... it's... just scary.... That I'd have such a disorder... and I've been doing the same types of "Rituals" (what my little motions that I do a lot to get away from anxiety), and I might of had this for a long time... I told my dad about this test that I took over the internet...:
Your Quiz Score Was: 25
Scores:
If You
Scored --- Then...
12 and +-- OCD likely
8-11-- OCD probable
0-7-- OCD unlikely
The test is at: http://psychce
1. WHAT COLOR ARE YOUR KITCHEN PLATES: i'm not sure
2. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING NOW: Romeo and Juliet
3. WHAT PICTURE IS ON YOUR MOUSE PAD: Lord of the Rings (tis my sister's)
4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE BOARD GAME: Sorry
5. FAVORITE MAGAZINE: Smithsonian
6. FAVORITE SCENT: Axe Touch
7. LEAST FAVORITE SMELL: burt rubber....
8. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU THINK OF WHEN YOU WAKE UP? : "I miss Eric..."
9. FAVORITE COLOR: Green
10. LEAST FAVORITE COLOR: Pink
11. DO YOU HAVE A TATTOO?: Yeah
13. WHAT IS MOST IMPORTANT THING IN LIFE: Eric
14. CHOCOLATE OR VANILLA: Either one
15. DO YOU LIKE TO DRIVE FAST: I can't drive yet...
16. DO YOU SLEEP WITH A STUFFED ANIMAL: Yes
17. THUNDERSTORMS, ARE THEY SCARY OR COOL?: Both--It depends
18. WHAT TYPE WAS YOUR FIRST CAR?: I haven't gotten a car yet
19. IF YOU COULD MEET/SEE ONE PERSON DEAD OR ALIVE, WHO WOULD IT BE?: Ville Valo
20. FAVORITE ALCOHOLIC DRINK: hm... Margarita
21. WHAT'S YOUR SIGN AND BIRTHDAY: Pieces, March 13 1992
22. DO YOU EAT BROCCOLI STEMS?: I hate broccoli
23. IF YOU COULD HAVE ANY JOB WHAT WOULD IT BE: A poet
24. IF YOU COULD HAVE ANY HAIR COLOR, WHAT WOULD YOU CHOOSE: Black and green
25. IS THE GLASS HALF FULL OR HALF EMPTY: It's just a glass with water in it
26. FAVORITE MOVIE: Nightmare Before Christmas and Interview With the Vampire
27. DO YOU TYPE WITH YOUR FINGERS ON THE RIGHT KEYS: Yeah
28. WHAT IS UNDER YOUR BED: dust
29. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE NUMBER: 13
30. FAVORITE SPORT TO WATCH? Football and the X-games
35. WINE OR CHAMPAGNE?: Both
36. FAVORITE TV SHOW: Mythbusters or The Simpsons
37. HAMBURGERS OR HOT DOGS?: HOT DOGS!!
39. BEST PLACE YOU'VE EVER BEEN? In the arms of my boyfriend...
40. WHAT'S ON YOUR COMPUTER DESKTOP NOW?: If I knew, I'd tell you...
41. EVER BEEN OR ARE LOVE SO MUCH IT HURT?: Yeah
A guy and girl were speeding over 90 mph on a road on a motorcycle…
Girl:"Slow down. I’m scared."
Guy:"No, this is fun."
Girl:"No, its not. Please, its too scary."
Guy:"Then tell me you love me."
Girl:"Fine, I love you. Slow down!"
Guy:"Now give me a BIG hug."
*Girl hugs him*
Guy: "Can you take my helmet off and put it on? Its bugging me."
Paper the next day: Motorcycle crashed into a building because of brake failure. Two people riding. Only one survived.
The truth:
Halfway down the road, the guy realized the brakes went out, and he didn’t want to let the girl know. Instead, he had her say she loved him and felt her hug him one last time, then had her put on his helmet. So that she would live, even though it meant that he would die.
[BULLSH*T. If that were to actually happen, they BOTH would of died! Why do people believe this?!? I mean, seriously!! The girl's neck still would of snapped, or her rib cage could of caved in, or something like that. Also, if the guy had any brains, he would of taken his hand off the gas, and kept driving around until it slowed down or came to a halt. But then again, that would of "ruined the purpose of the story." I still say BULLSH*T. If he REALLY loved her, he would of tried to slow down, but HE DIDN'T. I could believe it if it was 50 mph, but 90? I don't think so! Hell, she could of still died at 50. The thing is, they SMASHED INTO A BUILDING. That would of killed them both. You'd see blood EVERYWHERE.
My Point: Don't believe this story. The girl wouldn't of survived either.]
.... And if the guy really loved her, WHY DIDN'T HE HAVE A HELMET FOR HER IN THE FIRST PLACE?!?!?!
I was bored... So here you go...
1. Name: Jackelyn (call me that, you're dead)
2. Birth date: 3/13/92
3. Height: 5'4 1/2
4. Eye color: brown/little bit of green
5. Do you smoke: I quit for Eric
6. Piercing(s): 0
7. Favorite Pajamas: bra, and pajama pants
8. Favorite Movie(s): Interview With The Vampire
9. Favorite Music: HEAVY METAL! (woo!)
10. Favorite State(s): California, Nevada
11. Favorite Writer: Edgar Allen Poe/Anne Rice
12. Favorite color: Green
13. Favorite song at this moment: Rip Out The Wings Of A Butterfly by HIM
14.You spend your time rather inside or outside: Either one
15. Fast or slow: ooo... uh... both (hehe)
16. Cremate or Buried when dead: I don't care. Just throw me in the woods for the wolves to eat my dead, mangled body
17. Sex or Alcohol: .... both?
18. Tall or small guys: I don't care. At least at my eye level.
19. Happy or Sad: Sad
20. Life or Death: Death
21. Does true love exist: Of course
22. Best feeling: Whatever I feel around my bf...
23. Are you an emotional person: Yes... Too emotional...
1.)what is ur cup size? 38C and why do you care anyway?!?!
2.)dont u hate it when its time for that monthly cylce? Hell yeah.
3.)what do u look for in guys? I don't... because I love the one I'm with
4.)r u afraid of lesbians? I hate homophobics
5.)r u attracted to other girls? Just one...
6.)r u a virgin? Yes
7.)r u single? No
8.)what do guys think of u? Some think that I'm an ugly bitch; others think I'm nice and hot... (the hot part is bull...)
9.)what kind of cologne do u like guys to wear? I don't care, as long as it's like Axe... (hehe)
10.)do u wear make up? Only eyeliner (black), or sometimes lipstick (black as well)... but the closest I get is probably Chapstick... lol
I'm realllly mad at Kenneth... He went on my other account, and messed it up... :'(