She asked again. I said I don't know. I don't know what to tell her. I have a book club meeting today!! I can't wait to go!! I still need to go talk to Mrs. Gonzales about taking credit recovery. I just don't like her. She is kind of annoying. She wont stop bothering me. You know what? My aunt is starting to bug me too. Sometimes she makes me want to tell my mom yes. That I will go to CA. Oh, you know what is so stupid? Mom actually got a job. Can you believe that? Her nerve? To actually go get a job when she is planning to leave in two weeks? She should just give her two weeks notice now. Ha! She will regret it though. I bet you anything she will regret it. And then she still WANTS me to talk to HIM. Don't you think she's a bitch for that. I know she knows. How could she not know? Oh well, if she's that damn nieve, then let her be. I am not going to stop her. I'm just not going to talk to HIM either.
~Laura

My mom told me that she wants to go back to California. I do, but don't want to. I have already made some really REALLY good friends here. But I haven't yet gotten used to the weirdness of this city. I want to go back to my home. But I don't want to leave my friends and family. I don't want my mom to go back, especially by herself, I couldn't stand to have her so far away, although she bugs me sometimes. I don't know what to do. 

It pains me just to think about it. I miss my old friends, I miss my home church, I miss my 'cousins', I miss the places, the way things were, and I actually miss my old school. I miss the way the city looked, I miss the outstanding style, and care-free way everyone was, I miss everyone liking Starbucks Coffee, I miss Alberto's (the best mexican restaurant ever), I miss the library, and I just miss everything...

It's so confusing, and sometimes I think, "Why did I have to come back? We could have left him, and stayed in California, and I never would have made any ties with people, I never would have known these people, and I would be where I'm supposed to be, and I would be okay. I wouldn't have any problems, and I would be okay." But that just isn't true. I am supposed to be here, otherwise, I wouldn't be here. And everyone I know, I am supposed to know for a reason, and my problems, I am supposed to have them. If it were not so, then the world wouldn't be the world, and I would be living in an alternate universe where I would always get my way.

Why does it have to be so gosh-darn hard? That's why I don't get connected to people. But oh well. It happened. I just know that this has to be alright. It has to be. Everything will soon fall into place, for good or for bad. I shouldn't even be worrying about this. This is all useless. What happens, happens.

Hello, Hello!!

What is going on with me today?? Badness. I remember that two bad things have happened to me today. For the first, I remember that I just messed up on my grade for the first semester of AP English 4 (I flunked it, and now have to get credit recovery), and also my teacher is going to bump me out of the class. The other thing, I just can't think of right now. But it was bad. I know and I know. 

Anyways, jeez, little 'you-know-who' wont leave me alone. It's really bugging me. I wish I could just tell 'you-know-who' off, but I would end up feeling really bad about it. And that is all.

Ummm, I can't really think clearly right now. I will write more later.

God, don't you love books???
I love books, they are soooo awesome. I honestly don't know what I would do without them. They give me so much pleasure and entertainment. I probably read more than I watch TV. And for some people that would be considered really weird. But I don't find it weird at all. The way books are for me is this: I read them, and as I am reading, I picture everything in my mind. So to me, it's like watching a movie. And sometimes, it bugs when people start to talk to me while I am reading. But that could be bad, because sometimes I really do snap, or just avoid that person for quite a while, because my brain thinks that if I were to avoid that person, then I wouldn't have to worry about them bothering me during something else that could possibly be as important as reading. Bad thing that I have done: I still haven't started reading the information that I got for Boy Scouts. That is bad. Really bad. I should have read the information as soon as I had recieve it. But I find that I am quite the procrastinator. That reminds me of a really cute quote:

PROCRASTINATORS WILL TAKE OVER THE WORLD!

....tomorrow.

Good Bye for now,
~Valley

My eyes really,really hurt.
That's all that I'm going
to say.

Okay, let's see. Is me a hards person to understands? Are I really too difficult for people to understand? Why do I have to be the way I am? I don't want to hurt people, but I don't want to be left out either. So what should I do? Anyways, stupid Liz, she is such a fucking whore!!! Don't talk to her!! Go fuck her!! JK!! she my friend, and we play like that all the time. She's super happy because right now is listening to a song by Alex Ubago called Aunque no te pueda Ver. Go Liz!! love you Liz!!

Nothing, nevermind. It's not pretty.

I think that I have had a pretty good day so far. Well, first of all, I woke up at six thirty this morning, and actually got up and got ready (within 10 minutes) and also made breakfast (actually just experimental eggs <eggs,ham,butter,mozzarella cheese,and cheedar cheese,I don't think I spelled any of it right, but oh well> with some white grape juice to down it.) and then I finished the little christmas tree ornament thing that I needed to make for my Little (as in the Big Sister/Brother Program). (It came out really nice, and unbelievably, the picture of me that I was forced to put on there came out pretty good besides the fact that it came out a bit too dark!) Another pretty cool thing that has happened is that last night my little cousin went to a meeting to sign up to be in Boy-Scouts, and you wouldn't believe it, but I am going to be a Den Leader!!! Yay me!! *Woot!* I would totally love doing it!! I love kids!! They are soo freakin' awesome! And I just know that I would be great at doing stuff like that, I don't know why, but I have a really good feeling about doing it. I mean, come on, I was approved on the spot...and well, that must count for something. And let's see, what else, ummm, my cousin wants me to report to the police my past, because well, let's just say, my past wasn't happy. She thinks that letting this one person get away with what he had done would be dumb, and really awful. I think the same thing, I just don't have the heart to do it. Yes I do, I just think that I would feel really weird about having everyone know my life. I don't know, should I tell? Or should I just let bygones be bygones? Anyways, too much of my life, what else is there?? I like kitties, yeah, kitties, give me one??

It hurts, as i feel the pressure in my face,
It hurts as my eyes begin to swell,
And it hurts.

I've never let anyone so close to me.
I kept them all out.
And when i let one person in,
My heart again gets crushed.

My stomach churns as emotions run wild,
I squint and wriggle in bewilderment,
Feelings I never allowed myself to have.

How could I...?
I told myself no,
but with becoming my own person,
I felt it would be okay.

But again, and again,
forever shall I know,
Don't trust anyone.
Never trust anyone.
They hurt you.

Hurt them....
Hurt them...No.

I don't cry.
I don't.
I stopped myself years ago.
But feelings arise, and fall,
An emotional ball that will burst,
If I just don't immediately block it out.

I is in a good mood...I just dont know why, ahhh, yes i do...Tengo Yahoo! Messenger!!
brb

Well, i have nothing to do.

I hate people telling me what I am supposed to like, and how I am supposed to act. Now everything is so fucking routine, and fake, and not me. I want me. I want just me, and for everyone to stop telling me to do this, and that I am supposed to want this, and blah, blah, blah. Fuck them. They all suck. As my guardians, they should be telling me to be all unique and shit. Instead, they want me to be like all the other fucking losers, and i hate that.

i just dont know what to do anymore.life is just so fucking crazy. should i go move in with my aunt?? would that really be making a wise decision? would i really like such a busy life? wasnt that what i was trying to escape from in the first place? but why am i really complaining? i just dont know. i just dont know anything anymore.life sucks.

i just dont know what to do anymore.life is just so fucking crazy. should i go move in with my aunt?? would that really be making a wise decision? would i really like such a busy life? wasnt that what i was trying to escape from in the first place? but why am i really complaining? i just dont know. i just dont know anything anymore.life sucks.

<a href="http://www.humanforsale.com" title="How much am I worth?">I am worth $1,558,264 on HumanForSale.com</a>

Foxtrot Uniform Charlie KiloBloodhound GangFoxtrot Uniform Charlie Kilo
© 2005 Republic/Geffen Records

Okay, i realized one of my favorite songs, is actually one that i now hate the most. Jeez, at that moment, i actually backed up frantically into a corner. every word came out true,and i hated that. at that moment, i was scared out of my wits, and i did not know what to do. so i threw my cd player across the room, and gosh darn it, i broke it. so now, i am not only scared of my old favorite song, i am also out of a cd player. and that sucks.because now i can no longer be happy in the morning, since i cannot listen to my favorite music.my life now officially sucks. :(

gooood day.
WOOT!!
yeah, real goood day!

http://wintersteel.zzn.com/email/english/noframes/view/t_view.asp?MessageID=1&FolderID=Inbox&amp;CurrentChunk=1

oh, bye the way, nevermind, its mean.
anyways, im really bored, and i have nothing to say.
life is boring like usual, and halloween is coming up.
and i dont know what to do. oh yeah, im going to dress up,
but my costume costs like, ummmm, 100.00.
yeah, thats a lot of money for a one night thing, but oh well, its worth it. its really pretty, its a vampire dress thing, yeah, its beautiful.and i will look beautiful in it.