Nothing, nevermind. It's not pretty.

I think that I have had a pretty good day so far. Well, first of all, I woke up at six thirty this morning, and actually got up and got ready (within 10 minutes) and also made breakfast (actually just experimental eggs <eggs,ham,butter,mozzarella cheese,and cheedar cheese,I don't think I spelled any of it right, but oh well> with some white grape juice to down it.) and then I finished the little christmas tree ornament thing that I needed to make for my Little (as in the Big Sister/Brother Program). (It came out really nice, and unbelievably, the picture of me that I was forced to put on there came out pretty good besides the fact that it came out a bit too dark!) Another pretty cool thing that has happened is that last night my little cousin went to a meeting to sign up to be in Boy-Scouts, and you wouldn't believe it, but I am going to be a Den Leader!!! Yay me!! *Woot!* I would totally love doing it!! I love kids!! They are soo freakin' awesome! And I just know that I would be great at doing stuff like that, I don't know why, but I have a really good feeling about doing it. I mean, come on, I was approved on the spot...and well, that must count for something. And let's see, what else, ummm, my cousin wants me to report to the police my past, because well, let's just say, my past wasn't happy. She thinks that letting this one person get away with what he had done would be dumb, and really awful. I think the same thing, I just don't have the heart to do it. Yes I do, I just think that I would feel really weird about having everyone know my life. I don't know, should I tell? Or should I just let bygones be bygones? Anyways, too much of my life, what else is there?? I like kitties, yeah, kitties, give me one??

It hurts, as i feel the pressure in my face,
It hurts as my eyes begin to swell,
And it hurts.

I've never let anyone so close to me.
I kept them all out.
And when i let one person in,
My heart again gets crushed.

My stomach churns as emotions run wild,
I squint and wriggle in bewilderment,
Feelings I never allowed myself to have.

How could I...?
I told myself no,
but with becoming my own person,
I felt it would be okay.

But again, and again,
forever shall I know,
Don't trust anyone.
Never trust anyone.
They hurt you.

Hurt them....
Hurt them...No.

I don't cry.
I don't.
I stopped myself years ago.
But feelings arise, and fall,
An emotional ball that will burst,
If I just don't immediately block it out.

I is in a good mood...I just dont know why, ahhh, yes i do...Tengo Yahoo! Messenger!!
brb

Well, i have nothing to do.

I hate people telling me what I am supposed to like, and how I am supposed to act. Now everything is so fucking routine, and fake, and not me. I want me. I want just me, and for everyone to stop telling me to do this, and that I am supposed to want this, and blah, blah, blah. Fuck them. They all suck. As my guardians, they should be telling me to be all unique and shit. Instead, they want me to be like all the other fucking losers, and i hate that.

i just dont know what to do anymore.life is just so fucking crazy. should i go move in with my aunt?? would that really be making a wise decision? would i really like such a busy life? wasnt that what i was trying to escape from in the first place? but why am i really complaining? i just dont know. i just dont know anything anymore.life sucks.

i just dont know what to do anymore.life is just so fucking crazy. should i go move in with my aunt?? would that really be making a wise decision? would i really like such a busy life? wasnt that what i was trying to escape from in the first place? but why am i really complaining? i just dont know. i just dont know anything anymore.life sucks.

<a href="http://www.humanforsale.com" title="How much am I worth?">I am worth $1,558,264 on HumanForSale.com</a>

Foxtrot Uniform Charlie KiloBloodhound GangFoxtrot Uniform Charlie Kilo
© 2005 Republic/Geffen Records

Okay, i realized one of my favorite songs, is actually one that i now hate the most. Jeez, at that moment, i actually backed up frantically into a corner. every word came out true,and i hated that. at that moment, i was scared out of my wits, and i did not know what to do. so i threw my cd player across the room, and gosh darn it, i broke it. so now, i am not only scared of my old favorite song, i am also out of a cd player. and that sucks.because now i can no longer be happy in the morning, since i cannot listen to my favorite music.my life now officially sucks. :(

gooood day.
WOOT!!
yeah, real goood day!

http://wintersteel.zzn.com/email/english/noframes/view/t_view.asp?MessageID=1&FolderID=Inbox&amp;CurrentChunk=1

oh, bye the way, nevermind, its mean.
anyways, im really bored, and i have nothing to say.
life is boring like usual, and halloween is coming up.
and i dont know what to do. oh yeah, im going to dress up,
but my costume costs like, ummmm, 100.00.
yeah, thats a lot of money for a one night thing, but oh well, its worth it. its really pretty, its a vampire dress thing, yeah, its beautiful.and i will look beautiful in it.

hey, yeah, im going on a field trip today, wont that be fun?! its going to be to Texas State University. yay.

love is inconsistant?
really? o.0
i never noticed.

cant log on to yahoo, man does that suck, so there is no, like umm, what do you call it? ummm, like instant messaging for me!! *Valley cries* and well, that is very bad, because well, im used to chatting, so now it is not fun. but oh well, what can i do?? like always, NOTHING!! and well, what would you do, if an ex wanted to get back with you, and you didnt want to get back with him, and so you plan with one of your best friends, to make your ex feel like omg i dont want her no more, and well, you and your friend plan, oh by the way, this friend is a girl, and so you plan for the two of you to kiss! as in a girl-girl kiss.
yeah, what do you think of that? do you think it would work. well hopefully it does, this is going down today, and it is going to be a shocker!!!! *Valley ish shocked!!*
jkjk, and well, yeah, no for real. cause he wants to go to the navy, that is why he's making such a fuss. but oh well, a good friend does not necessarily make a good boyfriend.
Right, or not right?? you tell me.

anyways, so life does go on, i can no longer find my friend, and well, that is crappy. oh, and i dont think i said, but my brother had kicked me out last week. for a no good reason. so that really sucks, and now i have to live with my parents for the time being. and right now, i am attempting to learn Japanese. its a little hard, but i can catch on, hopefully soon, i will know the whole language.

well, one of my best friends on a game thinks i am an assassin, so right now i feel like crap. she doesn't trust me, so she wont tell me about my own death on the game, and if anyone avenged it. but oh well, what can i do? nothing. but that is so like sad. anyways, havent been on in a while ( how sad! ) yeah, things come and go, and keep going, aww, and well it gets frustrating. and well, i just need to have some fun with some people. Yeah, anything.

Well today, cant say is a good day, but whatever. I just found out that, well, my sister's ex is totally dissing me. And i had even offered him tons of money to be nice, cause it seemed like he really needed it,and well, he is still acting like an asshole, and well, not just that, but he knows that my sister implied that he had called me ignorant, and well, i told him, and he didnt deny it. And he didn't even say that he was sorry, for anything. He is a total jerk. I cant believe that i ever even cared about what he thought about anything. He pretended to be a good guy, but hey, you can never really trust anyone can you?
Well, i say F@*! that guy. I dont need him for anything, he is a dirty rotten pig stealing son of a beotch

how do i always manage to get myself into all this mess? i really dont know how i do it. Am i really too flirty, AM i trying TOO HARD? i just dont understand. why should i force myself to stay in a relationship, with someone i dont want to be with? i really shouldnt do that. its not healthy. oh well. i wish he would really stop trying to make me feel bad for him though. he's always telling me how much he feels unloved, and how he wishes someone would just love him. its like Jeez, just leave me alone, youre like 29, and im like 18, this just isn't working.i need to stand up for myself, and just tell him, no more. that i will no longer stand for this crap. especially since i just found out that he had a kid, and he didnt tell me, and that also he's a man whore. and he wants smooches from me. I THINK NOT!!! that is an outrageous concept! how can he even think that i would want to be with him, since he's a man whore? i really have to end this, and soon. or it will go on longer than it should. i love him, just not in the way that he wants me to love him. he needs to back up, and look at the big picture. WE DONT EVEN LIVE IN THE SAME CITY!!! urgh, and he wants to be with me. well, no more, i wont allow it.
                   THE END