two of my cats died today, were put to sleep casue they ate car oil. By the time the Vet saw them it was to late to help them. Had to put them to sleep. Its so sad. I loved them so much. All I can do is cry.

TO ALL MY FRIENDS

I love this, this is how I feel some days. LOL

Wrote a new poem about a week ago, I was in a dark place at the time. I take it hard when my friends don't talk to me. I start to think they no longer like me and then I fall into a slump of saddness filled with self hate. I blame myself for the lost of my friendships, even though half the time I did nothing wrong to cause that lose. I go around in a sort of daze, but no one even notices. I guess I have become so good at hiding my feelings from those that I love that I forget to tell them when I am feeling down. I am so use to being alone, that I find it hard to tell them how I feel. Something that I really must work hard on, remembering that I have someone that I can turn to and count on when I am down.

   My house is full of sadness. I can't stop my tears from flowing, they seem to have taken a life of there own. My head feels hallow, my eyes are red and blotchy, my nose is stuffed and my heart aches. When will it all end, this sorrow that fills my soul. I am so tired.

   Came on to discover that my very good and dear friend [pumpkin king] passed away on sunday January 15, 2006. Jon, his given name, was 29 years old. He had a bad heart, it finally gave out. He was a musican and a very good one. He could draw and he could write, he was gifted in many ways. He was kind and loving and was a good and true friend to me. I will never forget him for as long as I live. 
   Its weird to me that he is gone, cause I spoke to him last on Sunday. He told me of his new band and how he was happy to play. We kidded about it being a punk band, when he was a Rocker, but he said it was music and all music is good. I agreed with him and wished him luck. We spoke about one day him coming here and visiting. 
   Jon, I hope that wherever you are, you are happy and hopefully playing your music. I look forward to meeting you again in our next life. 

  Missing you already. With all my love, Shay

   They buried my Mom today, next to Dad at the Vet's Cemetery in New Jersey. I pray that she is at peace and happy. 
   Mom, we sang and we danced for you, just like you wanted. From our living room here, we reached out to you and were with you spiritually. I know that you are in a better place and that you are no longer in pain. I hope you are with your one true love, even though you are far away. With all my Love, Now and Forever, Rest In Peace Josie.

   Don't understand my sister's, thats my Oldest sister and my younger sister, both fighting for the little possision that once belonged to my mom. I never knew what greed was until I heard the things they did. God how aweful, how sad that they came to this. What is sad is not that they took her stuff, but that they did it while she laid in her death bed. I am ashamed to call them my sister's, they have no honor.