Mom passed at 2:12 AM

   Mom's heart stopped twice, they revived her, but its not good. The decision not to revive her if she goes under again is being made. Mom always said that if she had to live her life attached to tubes that she would prefer if we let her go. It is sad, but letting her go will stop her pain and agony.

   She has gotten worst, my kid sister says she doesn't look like our mom any more. She says that she is swollen. She said that mom fought, she didn't want them to do that to her. They are going to clean her blood, but her heart is weak so they keep trying to stabilize her. They had to put her on a resperatior, and they tied her down. How sad is that, they should just let her go out with some dignity. Thats the least she is owed for the life she lived. I believe there is nothing the doctors can do for her. I believe her life is in God's hands. Let it be his will. 
   I love you mom, I am sorry I live so far away from you. I am sorry I do not have the courage to see you in your death bed. I am sorry for all the times I did not say I love you, when I could have. I am sorry that you are dying.
   I love you mom. I am glad that you were my mother, even though we had a rocky start. I am glad that you loved me unconditianly. I am proud to have been your daughter. I am proude to have called you mom.
   I hope you make it through this. I hope we can spend another Thanksgiving together. I love you MOM.
 

My mom is dying. Her kidney's are failing and she needs a liver transplant. My kid sister is beside herself, my brother has choosen to wait until he knows for sure. Me I am waiting too. I hope she doesn't suffer. I pray that it is quick for her. I don't want her to hurt.

I'm not used to writing what I feel for the public to read, but sometimes strangers are the only ones who listen. I get up everyday, look around and wonder why am I here. I'm a long way from where I was a year ago and yet it seems that true happiness eludes me. I close my eyes and wish it away, but when I open them again, nothing has changed. My room is still the same, the girl in the mirror staring back at me is still me. I want to wipe her tears away, I reach out but all I touch is cold glass and the tears they just keep falling. I want to run away, but where do I run when there is no place to escape my own mind. I feel trapped in this shell that houses my soul, wondering if I will ever be truly free to soar and become all that I can truly be.