[It takes a disaster to learn a lesson]'s diary

38790 Link to this entry
Written about Saturday 2005-10-15
Written: (6981 days ago)

[

umm am so bored and tired , damm today i feel like crying and i have no reason to cry at least thats wat i think . there is something inside of me thats killing me softly and i dont know how to express it . it is so hard for me to open up to someone and tell them how i feel. i wouldnt understand no one does unless they r going threw the samething or have pass threw it .damm my b-day is monday and am not really excited i mean yea i change my mood here so i could remind myself that is my b-day there was once when i forgot my on b-day and thats sad . i mean am going to be 18 and there is nothing special in that day , i wont get any gifts i wont have no one there , i need love and my family and so called friends dont notice that . when i was growing up i never would of though that my life was going to be this sad , not even in a million years i would of pictured this . yea i have made mistakes and the one thats is up there and suppostly loves us has to understand me and take me for who i am and for the mistakes that i have made as a human being .they say that he made me special but i dont see anything special about me , my mom has never spoke to me like daugther to mother , i have a father and it feels like i dont ,i really dont know y he is here .oh yea i know to make myself miserable .i just wish that everything changes , but i know that it wont change till am out of here. and thats when the real siriouse problems will happend , who ever is reading this is like this chick is crazy but i know , it wont get better till like a few years from now and thats sad . am going to live my life the way i want , and i wont let no one put me down and i will stand up for myself , and god if ur up there dont u think is time to help me be happy , thats all am asking cause i think is time ]

38224 Link to this entry
Written about Sunday 2005-10-09
Written: (6987 days ago)

[

i love this song by my chemical romance

I love mcr

I'm not okay

Well if you wanted honesty,
That's all you had to say.
I never want to let you down or have you go,
It's better off this way.
For all the dirty looks,
The photographs your boyfriend took.
Remember when you broke your foot from jumping out the second floor?

I'm not okay.
I'm not okay.
I'm not okay.
You wear me out.

What will it take to show you that it's not the life it seems?
(I'm not okay)
I've told you time and time again, you sing the words
but don't know what it means.( I'm not okay)
To be a joke and look
Another line without a hook.
I held you close as we both shook for the last time.
Take a good hard look!

I'm not okay.
I'm not okay.
I'm not okay.
You wear me out.

Forget about the dirty looks,
The photographs your boyfriend took,
You said you'd read me like a book, but the pages all are torn and frayed

I'm okay.
I'm okay!
I'm okay.
(I'm okay, now
I'm okay, now)

But you really need listen to me,
because I'm telling you the truth.
I mean this.
I'm okay!
(Trust me)

I'm not okay.
I'm not okay.
Well I’m not okay.
I'm not oh-fuckin' kay
(I'm not okay)
Well I'm not okay.
(okay)]

38220 Link to this entry
Written about Sunday 2005-10-09
Written: (6987 days ago)

[today is so fucking boring , is raining like hell is been raining since last night , i wish i was 21 to be in a bar drinking and having fun and not stuck in my house doing nothing much chating with people . yey in the other hand am happy cause my b-day is 9 days away and am going to be 18 am so happy ].[Dirty Lil Juggalette][ b-day is 8 days from now she will b 19 yey i hope she has a very good day and that she will have many many many more b-days ]

38007 Link to this entry
Written about Tuesday 2005-10-04
Written: (6989 days ago)

today is my big sis b-day merlin i lova yah alot , u might think i dont cause we r so far away but our lifes didnt turn out the way we planned , my life is messed up too and i wish that i can change it but i can . i want to wish u the best on this special day , i mean ur 20 today wow thats a big thing

37632 Link to this entry
Written about Sunday 2005-10-02
Written: (6993 days ago)

[<3umm today is sunday and it is so boring , and am sick of course . i wish i wasent , i need someone to love me , no one loves me :(. i wish that i will have good friends that will care 4 me and a family that will love me and take me for who i am . the only one that loves me is my mom and my mom .ina way am happy that she cares for me , but there are times when i feel like she dosent cause of the way she treats me . my life is crazy and sometimes i wish i can change it but hey i cant . i need someone to talk to o that will understand me . but there is no one in this earth that will . i cant forget mark , he is in my head but i need to forget him .my life is so conplicated ,lol but there is much more to come and i will get throw it i will .]

37511 Link to this entry
Written about Saturday 2005-10-01
Written: (6994 days ago)

[umm am so so sick and at the same time sad , i found out that u cant trust no one and i mean no one , everyone is a back staber . the people that i though were my friends all they do is talk shit about me , and all i have done is to be nice and treat them right and help them out even buying them shit . is just funny that when to of ur friends stop talking how u find out things that will hurt u .eva dammm i never though that she will talk behind mu back and act like nothing is going on , all i have to say to her is that yea i am a dog with clothes and i am like my father is thats wat she thinks .so far the only one that i think that hassent spoke behing my back is ana and her sister ,i really hope that they havent spoke behing my back cause i will really be surprised . umm zazha i found her talking about me with lenett , she was talking about me for something that dosent even have to do with her is not even her bussiness. damm i wish that i will move so far away and there will be no one to hurt me .oh god i wish that i had my old best friends that i use to talk too , they were my bitches and my homies i still love them but am sure they r mad at me . i wish there were things that i did that i can change but that can happend unless i can turn time back . ummm i just wish that my future will get brigther and not darker . ]

37359 Link to this entry
Written about Thursday 2005-09-29
Written: (6996 days ago)

i woke up so sick today, i didnt go to school,i cant wait for satrday after i come from school, am going to dyed my hair yey 4 me. ey tom is friday but am sick, i am going to do my hair for tom

37299 Link to this entry
Written about Wednesday 2005-09-28
Written: (6997 days ago)

umm i know that zazha is mad at me cause she found out that ray likes me and not her . well if he does like me thats his problem cause i dont like him , but zazha likes him and he dosent like her . life is so complicated and confusing lol

37124 Link to this entry
Written about Monday 2005-09-26
Written: (6999 days ago)

[

umm today was ok in school i guess , am writing poems in my jornal , i got mad at my friend . my friend beba told me that am going to be a auntie she is prgenate . yey and here sister is preganete too . i so happy umm i have to do my homework . i cant wait for halloween my friends and i r going to the cementary .am buying a costume from www.hottopic.com i love that store till next time]

36400 Link to this entry
Written about Monday 2005-09-19
Written: (7007 days ago)

yey i fixed my page it looks so cute , damm its 1:40 am and am still awake and i have to wake up early 4 school lol

36364 Link to this entry
Written about Sunday 2005-09-18
Written: (7007 days ago)

<d>umm i have a big fucking headche and there is nothing to do , i will do my ahir later so i cant look cute for school , i want to kill someone </d>

36231 Link to this entry
Written about Friday 2005-09-16
Written: (7009 days ago)

um today is my lil sis b-day she is 6 yey happy birthday baby gurl , i love you . today school was crazy and i had alot of homework

36113 Link to this entry
Written about Wednesday 2005-09-14
Written: (7011 days ago)

well its 11:34 pm here , i went to school and i had fun and i hate my second period teacher she gets on my nerves . i got another school id ,i saw some of my others friends that i didnt see the first day of school and they havent been to school , everyone look ok and good , and i cant wait for my b-day to get here, i want it to so bad

36055 Link to this entry
Written about Wednesday 2005-09-14
Written: (7012 days ago)

~ well its officially sept 14 cause is 12:09am and today is my bitch b-day , i lov u evey , wow i cant believe she is 17 today, yey happy birthday too u , happy birthday to u , happy birthday dear evey happy birthday to u .~

36053 Link to this entry
Written about Tuesday 2005-09-13
Written: (7012 days ago)

i guess i had fun , i have a cut in my foot n it boders ,am tired a sleepy it's 11:44pm , i woke up a few minutes ago but have to go back to bed cause i have to wake up early forschool

35901 Link to this entry
Written about Monday 2005-09-12
Written: (7014 days ago)

umm its 12:38 am , i have to wake up at 7 or 8 am to get readu for school .i hate school just cause i have to wake up early .but am sure i will have fun at school today with my bitches . i cant wait to start being bad and mean

35857 Link to this entry
Written about Sunday 2005-09-11
Written: (7014 days ago)

damm today is sept 11 i remmeber this day like it was yesterday , i was in the 8th grade it was a very sad day my thoughts goes to those who lost their families and friends , may god b with yah . this is a very sad day it really is , but in the other hand yey i got my hair done and its very pretty

35855 Link to this entry
Written about Sunday 2005-09-11
Written: (7014 days ago)

BEHIND THESE HAZEL EYES
by Kelly Clarkson

Seems like just yesterday
You were a part of me
I used to stand so tall
I used to be so strong
Your arms around me tight
Everything, it felt so right
Unbreakable, like nothin' could go wrong
Now I can't breathe
No, I can't sleep
I'm barely hanging on

Here I am, once again
I'm torn into pieces
Can't deny it, can't pretend
Just thought you were the one
Broken up, deep inside
But you won't get to see the tears I cry
Behind these hazel eyes

I told you everything
Opened up and let you in
You made me feel alright
For once in my life
Now all that's left of me
Is what I pretend to be
Sewn together, but so broken up inside
'Cause I can't breathe
No, I can't sleep
I'm barely hangin' on

Here I am, once again
I'm torn into pieces
Can't deny it, can't pretend
Just thought you were the one
Broken up, deep inside
But you won't get to see the tears I cry
Behind these hazel eyes

Swallow me then spit me out
For hating you, I blame myself
Seeing you it kills me now
No, I don't cry on the outside
Anymore...

Here I am, once again
I'm torn into pieces
Can't deny it, can't pretend
Just thought you were the one
Broken up, deep inside
But you won't get to see the tears I cry
Behind these hazel eyes

Here I am, once again
I'm torn into pieces
Can't deny it, can't pretend
Just thought you were the one
Broken up, deep inside
But you won't get to see the tears I cry
Behind these hazel eyes
i really like this song cause it talk about how i feel and i just hope that some day my heart will be fixed

35712 Link to this entry
Written about Saturday 2005-09-10
Written: (7015 days ago)

umm am going to my grandmad house i got a new friends and am happy cause i gave her advice [Lips Of Deceit]. am gonna wear my dont judje me based on ur ignorance tee yey

35711 Link to this entry
Written about Friday 2005-09-09
Written: (7015 days ago)

yey i didnt go to school today and i woke up at 3:30 pm damm and a sleepy head . junior i miss u alot , yo life is a bitch a big bitch ,

35623 Link to this entry
Written about Thursday 2005-09-08
Written: (7017 days ago)

I WENT TO SCHOOL TODAY AND I GUESS IT WAS OK . AM SO BORED AND I HAVE A HEADCHE . AM NOT GOING TO SCHOOL TOM YEY

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