I think I shall compose a poem on our lives now, totally improvising.

Chaos, heartbreak, have some more
threaten suicide, drama whore.

I love you, you love me
and yet its never ment to be.

You love him, she loves her,
Crashing down in painful blur.

Kusu, Kara, Jess, Hayden
Andy, Mia, Wes, Kitten

Anna, Zero, Kori, Kodo
People come and people go

Every day another twist
Another backstab, another tryst.

We've lived our lives
Some lived by knives
Some lived a lie
Some smile, some cry.

And still...
We're all alive.

Kusu + Kara. Hell, heartbreak and high-water drama. Just lovely >< my two bestest friends, Zac aka puddles and Kara aka teh gawdess are both having their emotions tossed around with ragdoll physics >< damnit, if only I could help...

*sigh* Another revelation.

I don't really belong anymore. I'm just there, to the side, helping people. I'm not truly necisary. I'm just there to be the go-to guy.

The go-to guy is a lonely job. The only time you see people is when they have a problem. Which then becomes your problem as well.

All I can do is sit here, hoping and praying that one day

The go to guy

can have someone come to them...

Holy Shitake mushrooms, Batman!

I just realized how we can all be a bit happier. We just have to phone up a network, one who will whore out a persons soul for ratings and money. You know, Fox.

We all turn our lives into a reality tv show/soap opera. We're all stuck with as much drama, bullshit, lies and deception, but now we have cameras capturing every moment of it, and we make billions of dollars.

...Please dont hurt me x.x I'm just trying to help cheer us all up. You can take a joke, right? ^^;

... TO THE SHELTER! *hides in a snowbank*

Dah. Between the spiderbite thing, being put back to sleep for several hours due to Benedril which I took just in case the bite turned out to be that bad, to our ISP's server going wonky and keeping me offline for a few more hours, lotsa stuff has made today suck. Now to go on B.Net and see what chaos has gone down without this kitsune's guidance.

"hi av u got msn and a web cam"

[SpunkBucket] gets todays diary note award for being a looser!

*responds* AAAAH LOOSER!
(And no, not for you. ;\)

"y not 4 me"

*responds in heavy leet* (because i hate loosers who talk like this)

apparently he STILL doesnt get it.

"who talk like what?"

*responds* who r 2 lazy 2 type out words =X
Plus, you identified yourself as a looser when you just walked up to me asking for messenger and webcam.

Dah, everyones posting diary entries again x.o

Last night took a huge chunk outta me, kara and kusu. And...

STUPID SPIDER! x.x itching painfulness... dah... it took a little chunk outta me too x.x And I'm sooo tempted to try and cut off this stupid blister thing like my dad suggested.

Aaaand, Jess is being rather psyco about people so much as looking at via o.o;

>_< I woke up today with a freaking HUGE mark on my right forearm >< it feels like a nasty spider bite, but the mark is so swolen that it looks like a blister x_x myuu...

Well, this is gotta be the latest ive ever posted an entry on EP, noted by my lack of grammar. I cant sleep though, not even if I tried, just like Kara >_<

Flashbacks have been hitting me seriously hard tonight, I dunno why. Maybe 'tis because I'm watching Kusu and Kara give eachother loving hugs, while I haven't had anyone to share those with for months. All I have to hug are my own tails. *sighs, burying muzzle deep into the long soft fur*

A little quote from Kusu's diary.

And damn you! Kara AND Jess.
Fucking...dyed me pink, and put a collar around me. Ah well, it's still fun.

Wow. Thats not at all familiar. *cough*


Just hope you know what that means, Kusu.

Dub-Owe Ewe, Tea, Eff-ing Hell.

Everyone.. has.. gone.. INSANE x_X

Kara, Zac, Kusu, kat, Hayden, Jess, and myself included.

A fake jess, kusu and kara, kara and kat both going "F it all" like I did, I go to the fake Jess to get the best vantage to watch the world re-dissolve into chaos. Everything just keeps getting worse and worse and worse for everyone else, while the two magical letters N and O keep me sheltered from it all.

So, I'll be reporting from the field while everyone else keeps proverbially and/or literally banging their heads against a wall.

Well, as I knew it would, I tested the waters with my heart. I find them just as turbulent and tained as ever. There's not much room in my back for more knives. My heart by this point, sad to say, is too jaded, and has developed an immunity to breaking this way.

Now, if you really want to know how I feel, do the unthinkable. Actually read these lyrics, and see what they mean to me.



























VNV Nation
"Beloved"




It's colder than before
The seasons took all they had come for
Now winter dances here
It seems so fitting don't you think?
To dress the ground in white and grey


It's so quiet I can hear
My thoughts touching every second
That I spent waiting for you
Circumstances affords me
No second chance to tell you
How much I've missed you


My beloved do you know
When the warm wind comes again
Another year will start to pass
And please don't ask me why I'm here
Something deeper brought me
Than a need to remember


We were once young and blessed with wings
No heights could keep us from their reach
No sacred place we did not soar
Still, greater things burned within us
I don't regret the choices that I've made
I know you feel the same


My beloved do you know
How many times I stared at clouds
Thinking that I saw you there
These are feelings that do not pass so easily
I can't forget what we claimed as ours


Moments lost though time remains
I am so proud of what we were
No pain remains, no feeling
Eternity awaits
Grant me wings that I might fly
My restless soul is longing
No pain remains, no feeling
Eternity awaits


My beloved do you know
When the warm wind comes again
Another year will start to pass
And please don't ask me why I'm here
Something deeper brought me
Than a need to remember


My beloved do you know
How many times I stared at clouds
Thinking that I saw you there
These are feelings that do not pass so easily
I can't forget what we claimed as ours


Moments lost though time remains
I am so proud of what we were
No pain remains, no feeling
Eternity awaits
Grant me wings that I might fly
My restless soul is longing
No pain remains, no feeling
Eternity awaits


Moments lost though time remains
I am so proud of what we were
No pain remains, no feeling
Eternity awaits
Grant me wings that I might fly
My restless soul is longing
No pain remains, no feeling
Eternity awaits


Moments lost though time remains
I am so proud of what we were
No pain remains, no feeling
Eternity awaits
Grant me wings that I might fly
My restless soul is longing
No pain remains, no feeling
Eternity awaits





My soul cries to fly on the wings of the heart, but the pain has long since left, and I shall take my own path through this cold, cold winter of emotions around me, even if part of me still remembers the way it flew before, as does anothers.

Well, [Skadia]'s longing for the olden days. I'm longing for the old days too; The days before I knew love, when I had the peace of obliviousness

My heart still longs for jess, but I refuse to come between her and [Miya]. I'm sick of the drama, and I know I'll</sarcasm> do something to screw it up, and like I said, IM DONE WITH ONLINE RELATIONSHIPS.

Lets see, Karas in the drama, Jess and sapphy are going crazy with eachother, and Kats going all crazy all by herself. I'm the only one unaffected by love, while it tears everyone else appart. On top of that, I'm a free man to do whatever I want now that I'm not committed to anyone ^^

for anyone who cares (yeah, im just talking to myself of course.) I'm done with online relationships. for those of you who stuck by me and told me i was the perfect guy, thanks, but your wrong. If I was the perfect guy things wouldn't come crashing down around my head like clockwork every single time.

If you have feelings for me, do yourself a favor and just forget to tell me that. It'll only end up with you feeling rejected, no matter what my heart may feel. my heart no longer streaches onto the internet, and its never had anywhere to go in real life, so i guess I'll let it die and wait for my heart's reanimator.

http://www.ashido.com/reanimator/reanimator2.html

Stardate 369,121518,21,24,27,30 (Multiplication fun!)

I have launched my historical logs (my fictional Redwall-style history of Inari as created in my Elftown wiki Order of Inari@wiki (The ElfPack one is going to be run by my good friend Vixy), The Legends of Inari

Stardate 23-20-6 (W-T-F)

Oooookay, I'm done trying to figure out what happens between the various trives, or even what actually happens.

Stardate 893 (I have no joke today, so don't laugh damnit)

Today's entry is rather sad. The Kara clan has left the area as the Kat clan has again sided with the Vixy clan. The war is over, but its still sad that they decided to leave.

Back at homebase, my sibling is showing signs of madness after a week out of the educational system. I'm maintaining my sanity by rereading some of my favorite anthropomorphic logs, the Redwall chronicles, from the Legend of Luke, the classic history of Mossflower, the tale of Martin the Warrior and founder of Redwall to The Bellmaker. Later I may visit a fellow archivist,Richard Reid, and his stardate logs at http://www.furnation.com/corwinda/