Well, this is gotta be the latest ive ever posted an entry on EP, noted by my lack of grammar. I cant sleep though, not even if I tried, just like Kara >_<

Flashbacks have been hitting me seriously hard tonight, I dunno why. Maybe 'tis because I'm watching Kusu and Kara give eachother loving hugs, while I haven't had anyone to share those with for months. All I have to hug are my own tails. *sighs, burying muzzle deep into the long soft fur*

A little quote from Kusu's diary.

And damn you! Kara AND Jess.
Fucking...dyed me pink, and put a collar around me. Ah well, it's still fun.

Wow. Thats not at all familiar. *cough*


Just hope you know what that means, Kusu.

Dub-Owe Ewe, Tea, Eff-ing Hell.

Everyone.. has.. gone.. INSANE x_X

Kara, Zac, Kusu, kat, Hayden, Jess, and myself included.

A fake jess, kusu and kara, kara and kat both going "F it all" like I did, I go to the fake Jess to get the best vantage to watch the world re-dissolve into chaos. Everything just keeps getting worse and worse and worse for everyone else, while the two magical letters N and O keep me sheltered from it all.

So, I'll be reporting from the field while everyone else keeps proverbially and/or literally banging their heads against a wall.

Well, as I knew it would, I tested the waters with my heart. I find them just as turbulent and tained as ever. There's not much room in my back for more knives. My heart by this point, sad to say, is too jaded, and has developed an immunity to breaking this way.

Now, if you really want to know how I feel, do the unthinkable. Actually read these lyrics, and see what they mean to me.



























VNV Nation
"Beloved"




It's colder than before
The seasons took all they had come for
Now winter dances here
It seems so fitting don't you think?
To dress the ground in white and grey


It's so quiet I can hear
My thoughts touching every second
That I spent waiting for you
Circumstances affords me
No second chance to tell you
How much I've missed you


My beloved do you know
When the warm wind comes again
Another year will start to pass
And please don't ask me why I'm here
Something deeper brought me
Than a need to remember


We were once young and blessed with wings
No heights could keep us from their reach
No sacred place we did not soar
Still, greater things burned within us
I don't regret the choices that I've made
I know you feel the same


My beloved do you know
How many times I stared at clouds
Thinking that I saw you there
These are feelings that do not pass so easily
I can't forget what we claimed as ours


Moments lost though time remains
I am so proud of what we were
No pain remains, no feeling
Eternity awaits
Grant me wings that I might fly
My restless soul is longing
No pain remains, no feeling
Eternity awaits


My beloved do you know
When the warm wind comes again
Another year will start to pass
And please don't ask me why I'm here
Something deeper brought me
Than a need to remember


My beloved do you know
How many times I stared at clouds
Thinking that I saw you there
These are feelings that do not pass so easily
I can't forget what we claimed as ours


Moments lost though time remains
I am so proud of what we were
No pain remains, no feeling
Eternity awaits
Grant me wings that I might fly
My restless soul is longing
No pain remains, no feeling
Eternity awaits


Moments lost though time remains
I am so proud of what we were
No pain remains, no feeling
Eternity awaits
Grant me wings that I might fly
My restless soul is longing
No pain remains, no feeling
Eternity awaits


Moments lost though time remains
I am so proud of what we were
No pain remains, no feeling
Eternity awaits
Grant me wings that I might fly
My restless soul is longing
No pain remains, no feeling
Eternity awaits





My soul cries to fly on the wings of the heart, but the pain has long since left, and I shall take my own path through this cold, cold winter of emotions around me, even if part of me still remembers the way it flew before, as does anothers.

Well, [Skadia]'s longing for the olden days. I'm longing for the old days too; The days before I knew love, when I had the peace of obliviousness

My heart still longs for jess, but I refuse to come between her and [Miya]. I'm sick of the drama, and I know I'll</sarcasm> do something to screw it up, and like I said, IM DONE WITH ONLINE RELATIONSHIPS.

Lets see, Karas in the drama, Jess and sapphy are going crazy with eachother, and Kats going all crazy all by herself. I'm the only one unaffected by love, while it tears everyone else appart. On top of that, I'm a free man to do whatever I want now that I'm not committed to anyone ^^

for anyone who cares (yeah, im just talking to myself of course.) I'm done with online relationships. for those of you who stuck by me and told me i was the perfect guy, thanks, but your wrong. If I was the perfect guy things wouldn't come crashing down around my head like clockwork every single time.

If you have feelings for me, do yourself a favor and just forget to tell me that. It'll only end up with you feeling rejected, no matter what my heart may feel. my heart no longer streaches onto the internet, and its never had anywhere to go in real life, so i guess I'll let it die and wait for my heart's reanimator.

http://www.ashido.com/reanimator/reanimator2.html

Stardate 369,121518,21,24,27,30 (Multiplication fun!)

I have launched my historical logs (my fictional Redwall-style history of Inari as created in my Elftown wiki Order of Inari@wiki (The ElfPack one is going to be run by my good friend Vixy), The Legends of Inari

Stardate 23-20-6 (W-T-F)

Oooookay, I'm done trying to figure out what happens between the various trives, or even what actually happens.

Stardate 893 (I have no joke today, so don't laugh damnit)

Today's entry is rather sad. The Kara clan has left the area as the Kat clan has again sided with the Vixy clan. The war is over, but its still sad that they decided to leave.

Back at homebase, my sibling is showing signs of madness after a week out of the educational system. I'm maintaining my sanity by rereading some of my favorite anthropomorphic logs, the Redwall chronicles, from the Legend of Luke, the classic history of Mossflower, the tale of Martin the Warrior and founder of Redwall to The Bellmaker. Later I may visit a fellow archivist,Richard Reid, and his stardate logs at http://www.furnation.com/corwinda/

Stardate... ooooh pretty stars @@

I'm done guessing whats happening, going to happen, etc. Everything does a 180 overnight anyways Xx

So... how was your day? It was fine. Really. Yeah, except now I'm talking to myself. Wow, people will know your crazy now huh? Myep, looks that way. Wiggy. Mm. So what do you wanna do now? Oh I dunno, dip into the rations as I haven't had anything to eat yet today. I think I'll join you then. Okay, see ya later. Bye.

Stardate 5,4,3,2,1... CHAOS!

Well shoot. Kat/eMipu decided to rebel against the Vixy clan which means there will be nothing but chaos. Seems the Vixy clan had been subverting evidence in their reports to Kat HQ. They tried to cover it up but now its all going up in smoke just before the war seemed over. God we're so screwed. I just wanted peace. I wanted to support the Vixy clan having been a member for a while, but it always ends up in scandal and betrayal... such a great group, but they just won't play fair or honest.

Also, I've failed once again to re-establish contact with my beloved Paula vV The one day she comes on after 20 or so days after a quick, informal and almost unemotional talk and I'm busy and oblivious with some visiting allies of our squad. Today has been beaten upside the head with the crap stick.

Stardate 2.18 something something... (e)

I've fallen in the midst of a battlezone. Tensions rage between the Vixy clan and Kara clan, all concerning this promised eutopian place called by many names including Kat and "eMipu". Both sides have been known to me before, and both promise desctruction from the other should I choose a side... Aiyah Xx

Perhaps the war will be over soon and they shall allow the land of eMipu/Kat to decide its allegiance on its own oO

---

Also, storms have raged once every day for the past 4 days. Communication has risked being knocked offline by rouge surges of lightning ><

Stardate 3.141598... mmmmm, pie...

Finally made contact with a friend from the other side, the elftown side. Still no response from Vixy, but her name has appeared on my list of visitors.

Stardate... Gah! No more of that! Stars were not ment to date, they can just settle for being good friends ><

I've been marking my territory by claiming the wikis I never could on Elftown.
Fox
Inari
Kitsune
Anthro
Sapphire
Fire
Wind
Water
Earth
Sun
Moon
Ice
Life
Sound
Storm

Stardate... what the hell ever date in the stars this is.

I have set digital pawprint into unknown territory. This place is so drab it makes my monitor cry tears of sadness at the utter lack of colors, and makes everything seem like a bad film-noir. Uh oh, I sense a parody coming on.
...
Monday, June seventh, half past midnight.
It was a quiet night, nothing but the whirr of the fan to drown out the gunshots of this big city. I was the lone wolf in a town full of anthros. Actually I was a Fox. Wes Foxx.

Okay enough of that. I feel like I'm writing the script for X-Play. Damn that videogame review show, but in a good way. Anyhow, double-aught-30 makes a 3-tail kitsune like me tired and random, so I'll shut up. Tune in next time for the adventures of what the flip, this guy's gone psyco.