Saturday---

Last night I went to bed at like 12 at night and my mom got me up at 8:15 to get ready for this movie stuff I wanted to do. The paper advertised for a couple weeks that they would need "extra's" to play zombies in the movie The

I called my boyfriend to go with me because no one else would or could go.

We got to the set a little after 10am and got our numbers and waited in a line. I felt sick that morning and hadnt eaten. I felt like I was gunna puke.

We looked around and I saw my friend Morgan( also a symphony belle) chillin with a couple of her friends (Alec and Wes and someone else that i forgot the name of)
We talked awhile and then about an hour and a half later they asked us to get in numerical order.

All sorts of people were there. People that even looked like they wouldnt be interested in that sort of thing. there were also a few scary lookin people. Not scary cuz of the makeup either.

We waited untill about 3 :30 before we actually got to do anything. People had blood ( corn syrup with red food coloring) all over them... gashes in their faces. It was awesome. there were a punked out guy w/ a green mowhawk. he was friendly

Finaly my bf and I got in a shoot where they sprinkeled very little blood on us.( some got more) We were towards the front of the building and they were filming from the back. I doubt that I will be seen but if so, Im a blonde girl in a yellow t-shirt next to a tallish skinny guy and getting pushed by some scary lookin pervert.

We had to yell and scream like zombies for a voice recording.

3 people were arrested for sexual harrassment duing that day. They would not tollarate profanity either. They said they would warn you once and then they would kick you out if you did.

It was interesting to say the least. LONG Tiring day.

Made of steel you hearts not real
As you whisper in my ear
lies of hopes and dreams you think i will forget.
Everlasting regret
keeps me pulling from you
but your selfish buys you time to give you what you want

Its all about you and only you
your lies your likes

WORD ASSOCIATION

Sharp: Knife
Blood: hypnotic
Happy: clam
Sun: moon
Rain: cold
Cat: tiger and fluffy
Giant: nothing
Home: sleep
Yellow: my cousins fav color
Darkness: sleep
Oblivion: where i'm at 24/7
Death: far future
Hope: always
Lies: betrayal
Trip: stress relief
Run: fast
Life: ever evolving
Money: green
Cigarette: asthma
Scar: memories
Pain: sorrow
Heart: ache

<table style='font-family : Arial, Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; border-collapse: collapse; border: 1px solid black;' cellspacing='0' cellpadding='2' align='center'><form action='http://memegen.net/viewmeme.pl?meme=1060642037' method='POST'><tr><th colspan=2 bgcolor='#000000'><font color='#DDDD88'>Who were you in a past life?
by <a href='http://www.livejournal.com/users/vamp_kat'><font color='#DDDD88'>Kat007</font></a></font></th></tr><tr><td bgcolor='#333333' style='border: 1px solid black;'><span style='color: #FFFFFF;'>Name:</span></td><td bgcolor='#DDDDAA' style='border: 1px solid black;'><span style='color: #000000;'><input type='text' name='Name:' value='Mandi' size='20'></span></td></tr><tr><td bgcolor='#333333' style='border: 1px solid black;'><span style='color: #FFFFFF;'>Birthdate:</span></td><td bgcolor='#DDDDAA' style='border: 1px solid black;'><span style='color: #000000;'><input type='text' name='Birthdate:' value='October 23, 1987' size='20'></span></td></tr><tr><td bgcolor='#333333' style='border: 1px solid black;'><span style='color: #FFFFFF;'>Favorite Color:</span></td><td bgcolor='#DDDDAA' style='border: 1px solid black;'><span style='color: #000000;'><input type='text' name='Favorite Color:' value='Orange' size='20'></span></td></tr><tr><td bgcolor='#333333' style='border: 1px solid black;'><span style='color: #FFFFFF;'>Country:</span></td><td bgcolor='#DDDDAA' style='border: 1px solid black;'><span style='color: #000000;'><input type='text' name='Country:' value='Ireland' size='20'></span></td></tr><tr><td bgcolor='#333333' style='border: 1px solid black;'><span style='color: #FFFFFF;'>You were most probably:</span></td><td bgcolor='#DDDDAA' style='border: 1px solid black;'><span style='color: #000000;'>Edward J. Smith
</span></td></tr><tr><td bgcolor='#333333' style='border: 1px solid black;'><span style='color: #FFFFFF;'>If not then you were:</span></td><td bgcolor='#DDDDAA' style='border: 1px solid black;'><span style='color: #000000;'>A great but unheard of poet
</span></td></tr><input type='hidden' name='un' value='Kat007'><input type='hidden' name='meme' value='1060642037'><tr><td colspan=2 align='center' bgcolor='#000000'><input type='submit' value='Fill Out Your Answers and Try it!'></td></tr><tr><td colspan=2 align='center' bgcolor='#000000'><font size='-1' color='#FFFFFF'><a href='http://memegen.net/'><font color='#DDDD88'>Quiz created with MemeGen</font></a>!</font></td></tr></form></table>

Ive been waiting for these feelings to leave me
Denying what you had done to me.
but I cant stop thinking about that last time together
this type of thing, will stick with me forever.

When I told you No
you didnt even listen
When I felt like crying
you couldnt even tell
I couldnt find the words to speak
I didnt have the nerve to leave.
You held me down, you held me back, you betrayed me and my trust, dont tell

I'm not listening
I'm not feeling
I'm becomming Numb to you

I'm just fearing and
I'm just wishing that
you will never come back again.

You left me a year ago,
Never explained to me so,
why did i take you back after all that.
I knew you'd hurt me again.

My heart is entangled
in shambles
in peices
Have you ever felt it in your heart, the pulling strings just fall apart. unraveling something real.
Well I just thought that I knew, Something that would be so true. I thought that I was in love with you.
But now thats all gone, and now i'm just now moving on. I would always be a alone with you.

When I told you No
you didnt even listen
When I felt like crying
you couldnt even tell
I couldnt find the words to speak
I didnt have the nerve to leave.
You held me down, you held me back, you betrayed me and my trust, dont tell

I'm not listening
I'm not feeling
I'm becomming Numb to you

I'm just fearing and
I'm just wishing that
you will never come back again.

You left me a year ago,
Never explained to me so,
why did i take you back after all that.
I knew you'd hurt me again.

No more No more. I am gone now, No more No more. The numbness takes me in.

I'm a little excentric
but thats okay.
I wouldnt ever change
I like myself this way

I wish I could be like you
Talk so smooth and look good too.
But I'm just a little excentric
and its what im used to.
I wouldnt be someone else
not even for you.
I cant hide who i am.
hideous and recluse
I could be just mute
an unlikely koot

Oh i wish that
i was just like you
loud and obnoxious, wanting and unbound.
Oh i wish that
I could be me too
Im just a little unordinary just under par from extrodinary

Thats me
Just a little excentric
but it's okay
You'll get used to it

Richard- "3 members are quitting 1Act."
Me- "GREAT! maybe i can get in now"
Richard- "yea"
Me-"What kinda parts are they"
Richard-"major characters"
Me-"thats okay, who?"
Richard-"the three leading male roles"
Me- "Damn. I could still do it. Put my hair up or cut it and i'd look like a boy"
Richard- "Yeah all you have to do is wear one of those things that makes you look like you have no boobs."
Me- "I dont have anything."
Richard looks at me
Richard-"yes you do!" "You have theses!" going for my hoodie .Steals the mini wheats from inside the pocket of my hoodie

sometime new i have concluded today

sometimes the best/nicest people get hurt. and you could never understand why.

Sometimes the best/nicest people do the hurting. and you could never understand why either.

what is this madness?

ive been soooo hyper today!!
and i feel really horny
gawd
i need to take my medication
my leg is all bouncing and gawd omg omg i just cant sit still and im skip everwhere
ive had no fun today
i had a final fitting for my Sym belle dress
and talked to the lil ole lady for almost 2 whole hours!
and i wanna find my hanes sheets and bed spread
i got a credit card offer n the mail

Eric now he's an exbf since he hasnt called me n a week or so and tried to force sex on me. if i say knwo why does he keep going on, humping me like im a chair leg. i couldnt tell if it was his fingers or his penis causeing hte pain i felt because he kept humping me like a fucking dog. i dont know what to do. sometimes i wish i could die for this betrayal
Eric need to fuck off
i wish i never see him agian
i wont melt for him
ill ignore him

I have a lot of guy problems now. Common for the teenage girl.

I have a boyfriend (who i dont trust and i hardly see and occasionally talk to)

I have my best guy friend thats in love w/ me, would go to the end of the world and back for me, possibly die for me. I DO NOT want to hurt him. I could actually see him in my future although he's more of a hick and im a city girl. GREEN ACERS. Him: fresh air. Me: town square. But he is the guy i trust the most and i dont care how i am around him. and he likes me anyways. I dont want to think so far in the future tho. It scares me. Im young and i want to know and do everything w/ o hurting anyone. but someone i always will

An Xbf i recently pissed off. after we broke up he decided to go out w/ my best friend. I kinda tried to keep friends w/ him but i always felt weird talking to him. when i finally did i told him what was going on in my life (including that my dad has cancer) and he broke up with my BEST FRIEND saying he still had feelings for me. REcently i msged him and he got all mad saying he'd been trying to contact me. over winterbreak i was gone. he said 2 months before that also....while he was with my best friend!!! HE NEVER CALLED EITHER. Is he insane or what!?

Then there are a couple of new guys i met and would like to get to know better.

My dad has surgery this wednesday. Im not scared or anything, i know everything will be alright. It will be hard when he comes back but with in the next year it will be back to normal i hope. I trust his dr. I do hope i get to see him. tho last time the first thing he said to me when i went to his room was LEAVE right after his surgery. anyhoo.

All this pain inside her head
streams down her face, bright red
All the knowledge she could never share
is difficult to bare
The scares that are permanent
The wounds that are there
but inside is a burning light
burning out her inside hope
you could never imagin her spirit never broke
but with all this pain comes a gain
can you feel it in your heart
can you feel it in your soul
let it fill you up
let it fill up the mold

can you see her now?
Hiding all this fear.
She cant come out
its never ending fear
She crying tears of blood
no one can save her now
Shes crying tears of blood
no one can save her now
Don't stop, this never ending battle of hell
Dont stop, its something you cant ever tell
She's dying again
She's dying again

After all the digital dreams of salvation
pixelized to point of perfection
She searching for something she will never find
She searching for something thats found on the inside
nothing will ever be the same
never again be the same
nothing wll ever be the same
never again be the same

can you see her now?
Hiding all this fear.
She cant come out
its never ending fear
She crying tears of blood
no one can save her now
Shes crying tears of blood
no one can save her now
Don't stop, this never ending battle of hell
Dont stop, its something you cant ever tell
She's dying again
She's dying again

She's crying tears of blood
red, crimson tears of blood
streaming, flowing tears of blood
She lost her insanity a time ago
now all shes doing is crying
crying tears of blood

can you see her now?
Hiding all this fear.
She cant come out
its never ending fear
She crying tears of blood
no one can save her now
Shes crying tears of blood
no one can save her now
Don't stop, this never ending battle of hell
Dont stop, its something you cant ever tell
She's dying again
She's dying again

Well, my dad had his first bout of surgery today.
surgery went fine....... the news however.....shitty
I'm the only one trying to keep in high spirits..
i realize i might not be living the comfy life for a few months or longer. and nooooo i dont like the idea..... but im willing to deal. and if there is something i really want...... well   ill go get a job. I believe we can do it..... a lot of fighting but we can, I've been really fortunent... and lazy... I'm willing to put my share in.

I'm taking a trip the 17th..... by awesome boyfriend has offered to drive me to the dallas airport if my parents cant. oooooh i wouldnt wish my dad sicker for anything but i would love for him to take me. Unfortunently we dont get to see each other much. but he is great everytime i do see him. I melt practically. He drives me crazy.

If i ever get down depressed or suicidal........I hope someone will remind me of how optimistic i feel now.

i have a feeling it will fade

Pissed off at Eric.. ...
I dont knwo what to do about him
i dont understand why i cant just move on
why do i feel like i have to take care of him
why do i want to please him
why cant i say how i feel to him
aaaaaaaaah
i will . i will be strong. and do that

OK  THIS WEEK HAS BEEN AWESOME

1) Good grades
2) didnt have to do jackshit for anyone or thing
3) i went to the mall got a half off % shirt marked down more..... walked out with some change.....litterly lol
4)i saw some of my waco friends
5)i got books
6)my dad just showed me this hott ass mustang red convert. black leatha!
7) My bf called me... That means he WASNT being a turd!!
8) made a good grade on a test
9) got a good grade on a paper
10) I just plane feel good

well Eric hasnt called me in 2 days.. so either somethings really wrong, he lost his cell or  we broke up and i havent found out yet

Im watching the OC in newspaper... its like the soaps my mom and I watch, hillarious. so much bad acting and drama...One Life to Live has some really good acting by a couple characters well just one..

Today i have nothing to do
tomorrow i get up unbelieveable early and prance around in a froo froo dress and get out before 12 hopefully.  see The Incredibles... which sounds awesome 4 stars in the waco paper. w00t...
sunday- defencive driving

well, for notepad you just type in the css script and then save it as "all files" and add .css to your filename

I can not stand my dad
i get up to get my cheeseburger
and thats for like 2seconds!
and he's getting on this computer

ok we have 2 ...... the other one has nooo chat stuff on it
he could .....no SHOULD have gotten on the other one.

He didnt even ask if he could use this one.....
he's not a fuckin king   hes not a dictator.... I refuse to live like some pitiful shit and let him walk on me like water...
he's not god.   he's only human. AND HE CAN DAMN WELL ASK TO USE THIS COMPUTER WHICH HE CAN SEE HAS MY SHIT ON IT. there was ANOTHER computer that didnt. and he says  just a second......10 minutes later......hold on... 5 minutes..... I have to start bitching( im not going ot get off *like a little kid* he says)

and another thing MY MOM CAUSES EVER SHIT THAT HAS EVER HAPPENED IN MY LIFE. she doesnt think i can make decisions for myself....not even what to wear.

well i found out some good news today

JP( guy i've had a crush on since i moved here) finally broke up w/ Melanie.
well i dont know her.... so i can be happy. Im sure shes a nice girl and all besides shes really pretty even w/o makeup.....
but jp is a complete hottie!..... ug i drooled in spanish 3 last year and i felt so weak when ever he said hi..... he even said hi to me when i was working

what more could u want that a hottie, athletic, kinda and gental to everyone
and FREE.
oh well im still not in his league, but i can always dream. and another thing

i have a bf....... i love him too.... and i think he's hott... but jp...woah
i dont think id dump my bf for him ...but i dont need to worry about it because this year i dont seem to exist to jp. any how Eric and i havent seen each other in over a week... he calls though... thats good
*sighs*

well, went to my friends bday party tonight
i love marshmellows
saw my xbf first time since we broke up
that wasnt fun but it was better than i expected..... maybe

i hate guys...
i hate the way they cant make up their minds and flip flop
i hate it when they decide they like me but not my friends or the way i dress
i hate it when i have a bf   and all of a sudden  we cant be friends

i hate the way i love my bf   but i cant trust him
i hate the way my aunt says i dont know anythign about love
she wouldnt know would she, shes not me.... and maybe i dont know anything but i'm feeling somethign i know she wouldnt know what to call, i find his controversy attractive and opinions(even if i dont agree w/ them)