hey everyone..just so you arent lie who the fuck is this..i changed my screen name...It used to be: a loud silence; but i got tired of it and changed it...later

i walk throuth the strom out side
wish that everything was fine
tears roll down my face
he dissappeared from my life with out a trce
the thunder shakes the ground
the feeling or depression mound
i cry out loud, for you to come back
you dont listen,you dont even turn around
i dont want to lose you
i am not sure what to do
i fall to my knees
yelling out loud,
"please,come back,its you i need"
i am overwhelmed with greed,

not finished..

furiously shaking
my heart beat racing
resisting the temptaion
i want to cut
to slice
to scar
i want to watch the blood drip onto the floor
why cant he just go away?
why cant he hear what i say
leave me alone
just go away!
i hate him more and more each day
why do i let him get to me
what did i ever see?
i want to hit the wall
catch me someone,im about to fall
he cant hurt me
he only only affect me
when i let him get to me
so why do i?
furious tears that he made me cry
i dont know why
why?
why does this have to be?
i hate him
cant he see?

i dont think i have ever been this mad!i hate john and i hope he knows it!i was doing fine and that ass had to go and start shit wioth me again!i hate him!!!!!!!!!im am seriously shaking on the verge of furious tears and i want to punch something!!he told me to stop talking shit!wtf!!!me talking shit?um hello i think he has been looking in the mirror a bit too much lately b/c he has everything backwards!i havent said shit to him or about him!so he needs to leave me the fuck alone that sceiving little asshole!i never did shit to him even though he has hutrt me so badi het him!!!!i hope he dies and drops off the earht!!!i want to fucking slice my wrists open and watch them bleed rite now and feel the pain bleeding out of me!my wrist is knumb from snapping a rubberband on it so hard so manyt times!i kept my promises and never hurt him!never!!!and i dont know why he thinks he has to came and start shit with me rite now !!i was doing fine!i was happy and i was great and thenn h e had just had to message me and now i want to castrate the mother fucker i know he lied to me i know alot of shit about him that he dont want me to know and that he doesnt know i know!!!!!!!!i hate him !!!!!!!!!!!!!!he is the reason they invernted that word!i loathe him!i want to murder him and stranglew himmaybe he will learen afterwards not to fuck with a red head!!!!!!!!!!!

why are you lying to me?i know you arew,im just affraid to say something i dont want to ruin everything..but i know i can feel it i know your lying..why? whyt are you lying to me?about what?i have been completely honest with you and yewt you arent with me...why are you lying...what for as long as you tell me the truth i will be fine no matter what it is...fighting back tears as i know your hiding something yet i dont know what...yet that is..i will find out i will, i always do...just make this feeling stop and go away..i feel sick when you lye to me so i instantly know and your hurting me more when you lye...just tell me the truth and i will forgive you..please..

ok,im officially pagan,if you dont like it then go fuck a duck just because im pagan now doesnt mean im a different person i just have different religious beliefs.and btw IF YOU ARE PAGAN YOU DO NOT WORSHIP THE DEVIL,THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS A GOD OR DEVIL IN THIS RELIGION!OK!AND DONT TELL ME IM GOING TO HELL BECAUSE I CANT GO TO HELL IF I DONT BELIEVE IN IT!!!AND BTW ALSO PAGAN IS A EARTH BASED RELIGION THAT IS ALMOST AS OLD AS THE EARTH AND ALOT OF IDEAS THAT CHRISTIANS USE ARE BASED FROM OUR TRADITIONS IE. THE X-MAS TREE...and if you judge me any differently becazuse of my religion then dont talk to me i dont want to put up with this shit..ok?!buh bye!

i hate the fact that i always know more than i should.i mean yeah its nice but its a curse aometimes.i mean when you know something is about to happen and you cant do anything but watch your friend get hurt because you promised someone that you wouldnt say anything about anything to that person or anyone else.i have no choice but to sit and watch drama start between 3 very good friends,knowing very well that atleast one was going to get her heart broken.im carfeful who i trust.ask sam,i always know when someone,well a good friend,is talking shit about me behind my back.whether i get a premonition or a "feeling" or i hear it from many of my sorces or connections,i alway know.i hate it when you know something but you ant do anything about it...its the worst feeling inmn the world,well one of the worst feelings in the world.almost every boyfriend i have had has cheated on me and lied to me,well the truth is,ive always know that they were or already have done that,i knew when they lied,i knew when they cheated...im very smart,i can figure it out...that or ask around..someone always knows something...you just have to figure out who it is.i feel really sick rite now...im guessing its a feeling" trying to warn me but i cant figure out what its for...i hope it has nothing to do with john...because i told him one more chance and i meant it..if it has anything to do with what happened at chruch last nite,thats gonna suck but atleast it isnt about john..im not sure anymore about anything,im very confused...i dunno...i guess ill have to wait and figure it out..

running but getting nowhere..

my life feels like its about to come to an end
my heart is broken and will never mend
after you i give in
my streak of bad luck will never end
heart broken
so many things unspoken
i dont want to relive the past
tried of looking through this mask
want to move on with this life
cant move on so i use a knife
it saves me and makes me knumb
motionless on the floor
im laying,staring at the door
i want to end this useless life
i want to stop it in a stife
but it wont let me end this
theres something that it dont want me to miss
a life full of nothing
yet worth everthing
dont want this life anymore
i lay on the floor
staring at the door..
looking for an escape
running but going no where
why wont it let me get there?

running but getting nowhere..

my life feels like its about to come to an end
my heart is broken and will never mend
after you i give in
my streak of bad luck will never end
heart broken
so many things unspoken
i dont want to relive the past
tried of looking through this mask
want to move on with this life
cant move on so i use a knife
it saves me and makes me knumb
motionless on the floor
im laying,staring at the door
i want to end this useless life
i want to stop it in a stife
but it wont let me end this
theres something that it dont want me to miss
a life full of nothing
yet worth everthing
dont want this life anymore
i lay on the floor
staring at the door..
looking for an escape
running but going no where
why wont it let me get there?

running but getting nowhere..

my life feels like its about to come to an end
my heart is broken and will never mend
after you i give in
my streak of bad luck will never end
heart broken
so many things unspoken
i dont want to relive the past
tried of looking through this mask
want to move on with this life
cant move on so i use a knife
it saves me and makes me knumb
motionless on the floor
im laying,staring at the door
i want to end this useless life
i want to stop it in a stife
but it wont let me end this
theres something that it dont want me to miss
a life full of nothing
yet worth everthing
dont want this life anymore
i lay on the floor
staring at the door..
looking for an escape
running but going no where
why wont it let me get there?