[Skadia]'s diary

33603  Link to this entry 
Written about Friday 2005-08-19
Written: (7037 days ago)

[WaitinG.PatientlY.FoR.ThE.DarknesS.TO.ConsumE.OR.FaiD]





¤And now I lay alone¤
¤The strange and twisted remainders of reality¤
¤softly tearing and picking at my scarred flesh.¤
¤The remaining bits of my sanity dwelling over¤
¤the edge of complete and utter insanity.¤


¤The great sigh before the storm...¤


¤What secrets will be found tomorrow?¤
¤What was she hiding, but now refuses to hide? ¤
¤Why so suddenly has the darkness became reality?¤


¤As the time passes, no one answers.¤
¤Oblivions embrace awaits.. but then..¤
¤The future has not been determined yet.¤





..Err.. Sorry about the weirdo entry.. o.O;'.. Something someone said scared the shit out of me..
33462  Link to this entry 
Written about Wednesday 2005-08-17
Written: (7039 days ago)

<img:http://img155.exs.cx/img155/480/3bhfm0rw.gif>[Cure - Love Song]<img:http://img155.exs.cx/img155/480/3bhfm0rw.gif>



Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am home again
Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am whole again


Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am young again
Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am fun again


However far away
I will always love you
However long I stay
I will always love you
Whatever words I say
I will always love you
I will always love you


Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am free again
Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am clean again


However far away
I will always love you
However long I stay
I will always love you
Whatever words I say
I will always love you
I will always love you

33303  Link to this entry 
Written about Tuesday 2005-08-16
Written: (7040 days ago)

Ph33r teh Numbness


Okay, so I'm getting forced into going to the dentist today.. I mean, I thought I was pretty much an adult, and got to make these decisions on my own, but apparently I *HaVe* to go to the dentist today, don't ask why, because I don't know either. And chances are they're going to put that numbing crap in my mouth again, and I won't be able to go to work because I'll be a drooler and pretty much unable to talk normally. Oh joy! Dentists scare me, they hurt me last time I went. e.e;'.. And my tongue was so dry that it went into shock when I gave it water. >.<;'..

Of course, this appointment mostly means that I won't be here a lot today.. Unless I ditch work, that'd be sweet. I think I might. e.e;'
I can just blame it on my dumbass mother, because it is ALL her fault.
Well.. in a nutshell, that about explains how my day is going to go. Yay?
I gotta go brush my teeth about sixty times now. e.e;'.. I need to be "presentable" for the complete strangers that I'll never see again in my entire life! (Yeah, whatever. :\)
...I hate dentists... somebody save me... v.v;'
33233  Link to this entry 
Written about Tuesday 2005-08-16
Written: (7041 days ago)

<img:http://img155.exs.cx/img155/480/3bhfm0rw.gif>[Ayame Whitepaws]<img:http://img155.exs.cx/img155/480/3bhfm0rw.gif>


<img:http://www.elfpack.com/img/image/15305_1124153435.jpg>

A gift from my love..
thanks sweetie!
<3


Happy 2-week Anniversary.. <3
33218  Link to this entry 
Written about Monday 2005-08-15
Written: (7041 days ago)

<img:http://img155.exs.cx/img155/480/3bhfm0rw.gif>[Ayame Whitepaws]<img:http://img155.exs.cx/img155/480/3bhfm0rw.gif>


Two weeks of CoMpLeTe N' ToTaL Love. <3 Going for 3, and forever after. <3


33095  Link to this entry 
Written about Sunday 2005-08-14
Written: (7042 days ago)

[I.KnoW.WhO.I.WanT.TO.TakE.ME.HomE.]


I had the song above stuck in my head throughout pretty much my entire shift yesterday. Today is an eight hour shift, nine if you include my unpaid hour break. ~Sigh.~ I request 3 days a week, and get five.
I'm going to miss my Kitteh.
v.v;'.. I gotta go.

I'll be back tomorrow, I have it off, I think. <3
32842  Link to this entry 
Written about Thursday 2005-08-11
Written: (7045 days ago)

So I request Monday and Wensday 4pm-10pm, along with sunday 9am-6pm for work, and what do they give me?

Thursday, Friday, Saturday 4pm-10pm, Sunday 9am-6pm.
Wow, I think they got it a little off, especially with teh whole four days in a row thing. Work sucks. I only wanna work 9-6 shifts on sundays though, because that's when [Ayame Whitepaws] is least likely to be here during the day.

Wish me luck! I'm SO quiting my job and finding something else after I get a new computer. :\ Lol.

32803  Link to this entry 
Written about Thursday 2005-08-11
Written: (7045 days ago)
Next in thread: 32827

Funky Dream World


So, last night I was in my typical dreamworld, and it was weird... I was a nazi, and I was a low-ranked one, who thought Hitler was an asshole. Weird yet?
I rebelled against Hitler, and he fell in love with me. EW!
So... For some reason, we were in the USA, but no one cared, and it was modern day, and all dese people were asking for Hitler's autograph. >.<;'

And... yeah... that's pretty much the story.. it scared me.. very much..
.<;
32286  Link to this entry 
Written about Monday 2005-08-08
Written: (7048 days ago)

<img:http://img155.exs.cx/img155/480/3bhfm0rw.gif>[Ayame Whitepaws]<img:http://img155.exs.cx/img155/480/3bhfm0rw.gif>


Just making sure everyone knows... <.<;'... Me and [Ayame Whitepaws] are still on our one-week anniversary. XD..Until.. fourty minutes from now!





Today, someone told me to go fuck myself at work today, to which I replied, "I can't, it's not friday."
I love my strange come backs, it makes people's faces literally go, "o.O"..
So much fun.

Anyways, today was a relitively easy day of work, if it was any easier I'd think that my job was hitting on pasty faced twerps like Jason.

I did some shelving, some facing.. and sat around on a cart for the rest of the night. (Four out of six hours.)
I like being paid for nothing!

The less work I do.. the more I feel I'm getting out of my job.. that's somewhat conveniant, and convinces me to work a lot less while I'm at work. Probably a bad habbit, but a lot of fun!




Tomorrow is my day off. Yippee! I'm going to update my site(s) on here to better facilitate my new relationship. :p
Might as well work a little on a day off, right?

[Ayame Whitepaws] made me a site today, which made me, "O_O" ..
Very nice, Kitteh Kitteh. I lyke already. ;)

I love her so much, so stear clear unless you want to anger the vengeful [Skadia] of dooooooooooooooooooooooom...
(Yeah, whatever..)

She drew stuff for me, and I'm happy, because I *love* them, almost as much as I love her. ~Huggles her love.~




Anyways, that about summerizes my day in a nutshell! Night all!
32244  Link to this entry 
Written about Sunday 2005-08-07
Written: (7049 days ago)

<img:http://img155.exs.cx/img155/480/3bhfm0rw.gif>[Ayame Whitepaws]<img:http://img155.exs.cx/img155/480/3bhfm0rw.gif>


Me and mah [Ayame Whitepaws] have officially been together for one week, and will be together forever! <3
32172  Link to this entry 
Written about Saturday 2005-08-06
Written: (7050 days ago)

My [Ayame Whitepaws] is being eeebbbbiilll...! >.>;'
She *knows* I got to get ready for worky soooooon.. and she's sexually teeeaasssiinngggg meeeeee... <.<;'...

..Ish so mean!
Buut.. <.<;' I.. don't really mynd! ~Cough.~
Hey, you cant call me a slut for that, cuz I'm only a slut for one person! Mwahahaha!

..Otay, I gotta get ready for work in lyke an hour almost.. sooo.. >.>;'..
Byez! Gonna go spend somet ime wif my ebil love. >.<

32160  Link to this entry 
Written about Saturday 2005-08-06
Written: (7050 days ago)

I have some very good news, and some very bad news..
We'll start with the good news, since all I usually post is bad news...

Me and [Ayame Whitepaws] got back together on August first.. And proposed to eachother on August fifth.. So now she's my fiance! :p
That's right, getting married to the love of my lyfe.. not sure how it'll work with the whole anti-gay marriage thing.. we'll work something out! ^-^
We're haaaappppppppppppppppeh together, and our bond is stronger than ever.. o.O;'
[Miya] found herself someone else, which is also good. I love it when there's a happy ending! ^.^

Otay.. now for the bad news...
TWO WEEKS without [The Darkest Star.]. >.<!
How does she expect me to survive when she goes on vacation?! Lol. >.<;'..
I'm gunna miss her SO much. >.<;'..

That about coverz it! Thankz fo' readin' peepz!

31235  Link to this entry 
Written about Sunday 2005-07-31
Written: (7056 days ago)
Next in thread:

~*Sighs deeply..*~
Looks like it's going to be another day of me not seeing [Ayame Whitepaws].. God I miss her, I hope she's okay.. v.v;'

I got to go to work soon.. and.. bleh.. I really don't want to.. but I really need the money because I spent all my money.. e.e;'..

Bleh..
I just want to hold meh wub clsoe and doze off.. why does life have to be so annoying? >.<;'

31176  Link to this entry 
Written about Sunday 2005-07-31
Written: (7056 days ago)

You can tell which is your dominant arm when you go to work and by the end of the day one is in severe pain and shock and the other is ready to work another 9-hour shift.
My job is kind of lame, all I do is stock shelves and talk to stupid people at a conveniance store. Meh, I guess everyone has to start somewhere.

Right now I am relaxing after a long day of work, a day which took seemingly forever. Oh well, at least one of my friends worked some of the same hours as me, that was nice, a friendly face.

I.. missed my loves anniversary.. but apparently I missed much, much more than that..
Something happened today, and now I am very curious what, but all who can tell me appeared to have made themselves scarce.

I was on time coming home from work, maybe a little early, actually, but no sign of [Ayame Whitepaws].. Bleh, I thought that's how it would turn out.
Gawd I miss her.. Wherever yew are Kyootsy, yew better be alright.. ~Holds her tightwy.~
I'm listening to.. our theme song.. ^-^

I got not much more to say right now, except.. goodnight!

31087  Link to this entry 
Written about Saturday 2005-07-30
Written: (7057 days ago)

Mrew..
Today I was.. dragged to the store which I did clothes shopping for a few hours. :\
Worse yet: it was clothes for *work*. ~Shivers.~
I look horrible in white.. >.<;'

Meh, my first day on the job is tomorrow 9am-6pm.. and [Ayame Whitepaws] usually leaves at around 7pm.. so at most I'll only see her for like fourty minutes tomorrow.. (if at all..)
~Cwies..~
I didn't get to see her much today, either.. v.v;'..
I missle her! e.e;'

Mrew.. in other news.. Cazzikins has made me a shekshi new banner.. Which cheered meh up a lot. Thankies Cazzi! ^-^

Hmm..
[On Any Given Night] and I seem to be keeping in touch, which is good, because although I seemed cruel to her, a part of me still seeks her adoration, regardless of how I feel about her part in the whole [Kusu], [Miya], and [Ayame Whitepaws] thing..
I hope we can be friends again. >.<;'..

Olivia and Jess' one month anniversary is coming up tomorrow.. looks like I won't be here for that..
Meh..
That's probably a good thing for me, I'd probably.. y'know.. get all depressed and stuff.
Anniversarys are very.. common, seemingly..
In one day, it will be the one month anniversary of how long I've been alone. o.o;'..
Mrew..
And many more months to come, maybe.. but hopefully not..

Sorry to [Big Brother], [Dwemer], whoever else who I am neglecting EP duties from.. :\..
I'm really, y'know..
Busy..
Today was exam.. and yeah.. >.<;'..
Whoa..
Excluding the fact that I have a job now, I should be here a lot more often. Thanks everybody, and good night!

P.s:
I'm still in love with [Ayame Whitepaws], however..
I am growing close to [The Darkest Star.], and we're naturally good friends now.
They are the two I love most at this time, though I love them on different levels. ([Ayame Whitepaws] as my heart and world, [The Darkest Star.] as my closest friend and.. dare I say, most adored contact. o.o;'

30967  Link to this entry 
Written about Friday 2005-07-29
Written: (7058 days ago)

Alright. I'm going to be late getting on today. I have a test, and I don't exactly want to miss it. (Will be home 12:40 or sooner.. probably.)
Tomorrow is my first day of work, too. (9am-6pm) so I wont be here much tomorrow, either.
I'll see yew all lata.. [The Darkest Star.] I wub yur new shtuff yew made, haha. ^-^
Otay! >.>;'..
<.<;'..
BB ASAP! ~Huggles all.~
Flowaz fo' teh [Ayame Whitepaws].. o.o

(Dun' ask why I talky laaaaammmmee.. o.o)

30713  Link to this entry 
Written about Thursday 2005-07-28
Written: (7060 days ago)

Hmm..
Well, I got the job.
three days a week, 9 hour shifts. I start saturday, 9am-6pm. It's gonna be rough for me in the beginning, but I'll survive, I'm sure.
I need the extra money, anyways. This computer has definitely had better days. Besides, I need a car, too. >.<;'
Eep.

Today was relatively good, as far as this whole emotional disorder goes.
Everything seems to be going well, and by well, I mean.. a lot less drama ever since everything started all going to hell. o.O;'
Meh..
I guess I wont miss the drama, but I will miss some of the people involved with it. >.<;'
The Wub of my lyfe ish otay, and derefore I are happy!

Hmm..
Mrew, that about covers it!
My Ebil Kitty Appwentice has a black person following her around.. o.O;'.. (Lmao, inside jokey.)
I must killy him! Bwahehehehehehe!! ~*Sqeak.~
Otay! Time to goes! <3

30595  Link to this entry 
Written about Wednesday 2005-07-27
Written: (7060 days ago)

I'll be here later than usual today.. I would say 12:40pm mt like usual.. but I got a job interview, too. It's nothing too spectacular, just something I can make a little cash off of..

I'll be home as soon as I can..
The poem of truth:
My love, I love.

XD..I'm just playing. Anyways, I'll be here to see everyone shortly. Thanks Cazzikins for being here for me yesterday. ~Huggle.~
My ebil kitty appwentice is awesome. >.o

30550  Link to this entry 
Written about Wednesday 2005-07-27
Written: (7060 days ago)

~*Softly sings her and her loves old theme song aloud..*~

Whenever sang my songs
On the stage, on my own
Whenever said my words
Wishing they would be heard
I saw you smiling at me
Was it real or just my fantasy
You'd always be there in the corner
Of this tiny little bar

My last night here for you
Same old songs, just once more
My last night here with you?
Maybe yes, maybe no
I kind of liked it your way
How you shyly placed your eyes on me

Oh, did you ever know?
That I had mine on you

Darling, so there you are
With that look on your face
As if you're never hurt
As if you're never down
Shall I be the one for you
Who pinches you softly but sure
If frown is shown then
I will know that you are no dreamer

So let me come to you
Close as I wanted to be
Close enough for me
To feel your heart beating fast
And stay there as I whisper

How I loved your peaceful eyes on me
did you ever know
That I had mine on you

Darling, so share with me
Your love if you have enough
Your tears if your're holding back
Or pain if that's what it is
How can I let you know
I'm more than the dress and the voice
Just reach me out then
You will know that you're not dreaming

Darling, so there you are
With that look on your face
As if you're never hurt
As if you're never down
Shall I be the one for you
Who pinches you softly but sure
If frown is shown then
I will know that you are no dreamer


(I actually did sing that.. irl.. meh.. my voice sucks.. Faye Wong makes it sound so much better..)

30549  Link to this entry 
Written about Wednesday 2005-07-27
Written: (7060 days ago)

You'll know if this part of my entry is addressed to you by the way I'm talking. :p

I'm bored.
Your head games now bore me.
Did it ever occor to you that no matter what you attempted I will still love her?
Hmm.. Hopefully it does now!

And guess what? I may seem to have given in to heathenism and given up.. but truth be told, I will never give up, because she told me never to give up. Satisfied yet?

Now that you've done everything to push me away, to seporate us, to throw me out the door.. I'm only happy to say, "farewell".
Knowing that tomorrow brings happier days, and a few tomorrows from now, I may be able to be happy again.

Also..
I've concidered other people, just as [Miya] did, so no, I'm not this ruthless self serving bitch you've all described me as.
Hmm.. welcome to my world, I don't think you'll like it here, it's very unfriendly to people who try to take my heart apart piece by piece.

Now I'm going to bed, and hopefully having a nice dream about something that is honestly none of your business.



This part is for the person I love.

Hmm.. I hope you had a good rest. o.o;' You never did answer my question, but my intuition says I'm right. ^-^"
It's.. somewhat of a relief.. I guess..

Sorry if I'm causing you any trouble.. >.<;' I honestly don't mean to..
Anyways..! Keep in mind what I said today..
I'm through with the brave face in the heart of pain.. >.o;'..

I wub wu foweber..
I'm glad you liked my gift for you..



This is addressed to my REAL best friends.

Thank you [The Darkest Star.].. especially for today.. keep in touch, okay? You're the best.. ~Hugs.~
Helping you was not a problem, so don't worry about it!

Umm.. John.. I forget your EP name.. but.. thanks for being with me.. at my side.. for two years..

And.. [Big Brother]..
Thanks for trying to help me recently, it means a lot.



Anyways, it seems early, but I really have to stop typing here. Ttyl. :p

30473  Link to this entry 
Written about Tuesday 2005-07-26
Written: (7061 days ago)

It seems that myself and [The Darkest Star.] have more in common, even love troubles. >.<
Whoa, I guess my Ebil Kitty Appwentice knows more about me than I thought. :p

Only a short time until one month of being ditched, as [Miya] so bluntly put it..
But then, what is a month really?
A month of tears, a month of laughter, a month of pain, a month of sadness, a month of happiness..
A month is a month, regardless of status.. It's gone by so fast..
~Sigh.~ I need a new hobby.. people probably think I don't even love [Ayame Whitepaws].. that I'm just infatuated with her or something..
~Sigh.~ As a wise person once told me (today),
"I know it's really easy to say but...don't shed tears for hear. Don't give her the pleasure of knowing that you cry about her, cry for her. You shouldn't be crying about someone who can so easily shrug you off. If I had you, I wouldn't be able to do that, so i don't see how she can... But I wouldn't cry, not for her, not for love..."
And she is absolutely right..

Love is terrible. Love is evil. Love is bad..
I don't want to be in love, but no matter how hard I try, I cannot just give up and take that advice.. ~Sigh.~
I guess if I keep this up [Ayame Whitepaws] will hate me forever.
Meh..

Somebody shoot me now.

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